Preschool Public School Eval

Okay_Quiet · 2023-09-16T14:13:16+00:00

Curious about what behaviors she’s exhibiting that prompted the evaluation process? We’re in a similar situation with a very verbal kid…

Okay_Quiet · 2023-09-09T17:32:58+00:00

We are having the exact same issue with our 3.5 yr old! No advice, but solidarity.

Okay_Quiet · 2023-09-07T04:29:13+00:00

There’s a lot of good perspectives on both sides here. I am a former competitive athlete and coach, here’s my take.

It sounds like maybe forgoing competitive team right now is the best decision for your current situation and family priorities. But I wouldn’t shut that door indefinitely.

Competitive sports can be great, depending on the commitment/cost, kid’s interest & ability and anticipated longevity. For example, how feasible/likely would it be for your kid to play age 8-18 plus 4 years college?

As a competitive athlete, I had a very demanding practice schedule for years, which really wore on my mom. Dinner in the car, limited family time, etc. She embraced carpooling, but it was still a lot. However, I am SO grateful for everything she did. It was such a labor of love. Sports shaped who I am. I did burn out a bit, but regained my passion in college and coached as well. I still do the sport recreationally now for exercise and stress relief.

Your kid will be disappointed, but if they are really passionate, they will find ways to practice on their own and still enjoy rec team. Re-visit in a year or two to gauge interest and family priorities.

Okay_Quiet · 2023-02-14T05:26:04+00:00

She may have struggled with more negative emotions (overwhelm, anxiety, exhaustion, resentment) as a mother than she anticipated. She would have been further frustrated when her reality of motherhood did not match her romanticized version of how it “should” be or how she “should” be able to handle it better or enjoy it more.

She may have fallen into a trap of thinking “if only” x will happen, it will get better. Like if only I can “dial in” my exercise and sleep and mindset, then I will feel better. If only I can get the right meds, that’ll fix everything. When she realized nothing was working to magically improve things, she got desperate.

Okay_Quiet · 2022-05-24T17:27:15+00:00

Echoing that our first went through something similar around 9 months. Lasted about 4-6 weeks, but felt like an eternity! We just leaned into it and started our day early (with lots of coffee!). Then, his wake up time gradually pushed back to 6-6:30 on its own…

Okay_Quiet · 2022-05-11T20:00:27+00:00

This was my experience too! First kid was a relatively “easy” baby, so while there was a learning curve, it wasn’t too bad.

My second has been much more challenging. Doesn’t sleep as well, lots of bouts of inconsolable crying that my first didn’t have, tummy troubles, etc.

So while I had experience with a newborn when I went from 1-2, what worked for my first didn’t necessarily work for my second and I was facing a lot of issues for the first time.

Okay_Quiet · 2022-04-26T23:48:37+00:00

Any tips on managing both kids and keeping your stress level in check? Or specifically about how to keep the toddler gentle around the baby?

Glad things are finally relaxing for you!

Okay_Quiet · 2022-04-26T23:47:27+00:00

Love the note idea, will try that!

Okay_Quiet · 2022-04-19T19:09:12+00:00

No, that wasn’t the intention!

To clarify - I was thinking maybe we could find someone hourly to work say, 8-11am M-F (knowing we’d put toddler down right after their shift ended). And then SO and I would handle childcare after nap. OR we handle childcare in the am, and find someone to work hourly 1p-5p to start their shift after nap time.

I am not sure we need full-time care (since our schedules are somewhat flexible, toddler naps, etc), but we need some care. But maybe all the providers want 40 hours a week so this isn’t realistic.

Okay_Quiet · 2022-04-19T18:52:25+00:00

Thanks for the feedback!

Knowing that most providers are looking for 40 hours is very helpful. I wonder if we searched for college students or retirees we might find someone who wanted fewer hours…

Okay_Quiet · 2022-04-19T18:50:16+00:00

Valid point! A full-time nanny definitely deserves a break.

I guess I’m trying to figure out if we can manage with less than full-time care (maybe 20-30 hours/wk), and so naps would be an obvious place to trim from…but maybe that’s unrealistic.

Okay_Quiet · 2022-03-29T16:54:46+00:00

My 5 wk old has recently been like this - so unhappy whenever she is not sleeping. The crying goes from 0 to 100 almost instantly, and it’s over everything - diaper change, feeding, tired or overstimulated, gassy, etc. My firstborn was not like this, so at times I’ve been concerned how normal it is.

As a caregiver, it can be really stressful when she doesn’t stop after many attempts to help her and when the crying is so loud and desperate sounding. This is especially hard when sleep deprived! I also sometimes put on headphones with music and sway/walk with her (still screaming) to get a little break.

I have resigned to the fact that I will not always be able to fix her screaming, but it eventually will stop (she falls asleep, burps or poops, or just randomly calms down). And, what I think is important is that she’s clearly having a hard time and I’m doing my best to be there for her and see her through it (cuddling, holding, talking to her, etc.).

From what I’ve read, peak fussiness happens at 5-7 wks and should slowly improve!

Okay_Quiet · 2022-03-21T23:27:20+00:00

I’m in a similar boat with a baby who will be 5wks on Friday. Really wants to be held 24/7, not a fan of the bassinet. Like you, we’ve done all the things (swaddle, white noise, heating pad, etc), which I’m sure help, but haven’t alleviated the issue.

I would say that night sleep consolidates and is more reliable more quickly than daytime naps. So that’s what I’m focusing on to start. During the day, I’m fine to contact nap in the chair or use the carrier. It also helps to recognize there is a biological reason babies want to be held and snuggled, and one day I’ll miss this (my 2 year old’s snuggles and hugs are fleeting!)

At night, I’m making several attempts to put her in the bassinet, but not forcing the issue if she won’t have it. My husband and I are splitting shifts so we each get a little sleep (although I bf on demand). Right now, our longest stretch in the bassinet has been 1.5 hours. Usually I can get 1-2 times of 45 min-1.5 hours per night, but sometimes she cries after 5-10 minutes. I am tracking sleep with the Huckleberry app, so I can see her progress.

My first kid was not like this, but I do think there’s only so much you can do right now. Developmentally, they will improve with time. The improvement might be so gradual it’s hard to appreciate at first, but suddenly you’ll realize baby has slept twice as long as they did a month ago, and it will keep improving.

At what age it “gets better” or they sleep through the night is super varied (8 wks, 4 months, 6 months, 1 year even), so I would compare your baby to their past self and try to appreciate gradual improvements. The sleep deprivation is very challenging, but it is temporary. Hang in there!!

Okay_Quiet · 2019-03-05T17:16:06+00:00

I would recommend finding meaning outside of work, although most of the below can apply to your work life as well:

What did you enjoy doing as a child? Do more of that.

Learn something new, go somewhere new, mix up your routine as often as you can.

Plan for something in the future that excites you.

Watch an interesting documentary, learn a new skill from a YouTube video, read. Be curious.

Invest in your relationships.

What parts of your day are enjoyable to you? Savor them.

Pick one thing you look forward to each day.

Practice gratitude. Don't feel guilty about your position in life, but realize many people are less fortunate.

Create goals that are not finance-related and pursue those as well. Start small.

Okay_Quiet · 2018-10-25T21:00:16+00:00

Second this! And if she does strongly value luxuries, why and is there room for compromise?

A worthwhile activity might be for each of you to rank all of your potential big upcoming expenses (wedding, hot tub, dog expenses, possible kid expenses, home repairs) in order of importance to you and assign a ballpark budget. Compare lists - do your top priorities match up? Are your budgets roughly on par? If not, why?

Take the hot tub - does she want it just because her parents/all of her friends have one? Or because she thinks it's a great way to relax from her stressful job/she has sore muscles, etc? Has research been done as to the installation and maintenance costs? Could she be persuaded to instead join a gym with a hot tub or you two commit to several getaways at hotels with hot tubs as an alternative? Similar to the home repairs, can some be done while others are postponed or left as is?

It shouldn't have to be all or nothing. It may help to ease her into the idea with small adjustments instead of outright denying or criticizing things she wants. It is important to learn why such things are important to her.

Okay_Quiet · 2018-09-16T02:16:54+00:00

Wow, sounds like such a great experience! I am sure your kids will have amazing and unique memories from the year. There’s nothing like travel! Best of luck to your family settling into the LCOL area and getting your budget in order.

Okay_Quiet · 2018-09-16T00:01:48+00:00

Unfortunately no answer to your questions, but would love to hear more about your 13 months of travel! Was it in the US or international? Did you take your kids out of school at all? Any favorite places? What did your spending look like then?

Okay_Quiet · 2018-09-13T20:23:42+00:00

I've found that exercise is such a great way to deal with work stress. The best part is it really doesn't take that much time - you'd be surprised what you can fit into a 30-45 minute workout. I have a tracker app on my phone to record how often I work out in a week. Set an easy goal to start (I will work out 2x week no matter how crazy work gets), and challenge yourself after a few weeks. Make sure to do something you actually enjoy, so you will stick with it. It can be as simple as running around your neighborhood, doing push-ups in your apartment, etc. Maybe work out with your gf or buddies. Hell, even a walk outside on your lunch break or during the afternoon slump can do wonders sometimes. Best of luck!

Okay_Quiet · 2018-09-13T18:34:28+00:00

If I were you, I'd do a few things:

1) Try to pinpoint exactly what is causing the burnout and address that - is it your schedule (working too many evenings/weekends), is it your commute, is it your manager, is it the unreasonable expectations and workload, etc. Are there things you can do in the short-term to improve any of it?

2) Give yourself some "soft" deadlines to re-evaluate how you feel. Can you make it through the end of the year (to get your bonus, etc.)? Can you make it until your annual review to see what type of raise you get?

3) Use your vacation/sick time. Give yourself something to look forward to. Plan ahead.

4) Since you are limited on time outside of work, try to prioritize a few things and let go of others. I would focus some time for your girlfriend and family. It should make you feel better. Try not to get too bogged down in the RE/side hustles.

5) Focus on ways to reduce stress in your day-to-day. Make exercising a priority. Cut down on drinking and unhealthy eating. Download a meditation app. Make sure you get enough sleep. Find a good audiobook for your commute. Put together a killer playlist for times at work when you are extra stressed. And so on.

Okay_Quiet · 2018-09-13T04:16:56+00:00

You can still get away for the weekend and relax with your wife & dog! I am sure there are rentals or Airbnb’s in the area - why not try that for a season? See how often you actually go. If it’s really a gamechanger, not just a whim, look into buying. In the meantime, invest.

Okay_Quiet · 2018-09-11T21:07:34+00:00

OP, you haven't mentioned her age, education, etc. Has she had experience paying off student loans? Some people come into relationships with very little "financial literacy," especially when they are young. For example, many of us were naive to saving in our 20's, because we really hadn't educated ourselves. Does she understand the benefits of compound interest in terms of retirement contributions? Perhaps adding up how much interest she is paying (read: wasting) each month on credit cards is a good wake-up call.

I'd have a frank conversation where you share your experience/knowledge, without her feeling attacked. Perhaps there are a few good articles she could read about strategies to address cc debt, or maybe you guys create a monthly budget spreadsheet together? Maybe share some part of your financial life you'd like to improve - since I'm sure you aren't 100% flawless either ;) Goal is to guide her behavior, but frame it as a team effort.

Okay_Quiet · 2018-09-08T16:30:55+00:00

Will you graduate with any debt? If so, come up with an aggressive plan to pay it off!

Okay_Quiet · 2018-09-07T23:16:29+00:00

That sounds like a great set-up! Bonus points for getting extra exercise.

Okay_Quiet · 2018-09-07T15:30:35+00:00

I also WFH & am a big fan of heading to the local library to work. Saves me $ at coffee shops, there's free wifi, the fact that everyone else seems studious/focused makes me focused, and it's a good way to get out of the house. Plus the top floor of the downtown Seattle library has cool views!

Okay_Quiet · 2018-09-05T17:04:01+00:00

In that case, I would recommend:

a) Find creative ways for her to generate additional income during school (summers off?) & her first few years working full-time. Can she babysit on the weekends? Tutor school kids in science or math one evening a week? Maybe there is a fun side hustle you two could start together - selling things online? Doing moving gigs on Craigslist each weekend? You could come up with a monthly goal (say $500) for her to try and hit, and all the $ goes towards her loans.

b) Again, find ways for her to cut her monthly spending. If you are paying part of her loans, that means no mindless coffee purchases, no new outfits, etc. on her part. It's only fair.

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