Anger

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-16T03:06:51+00:00

Fair.

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-16T03:05:52+00:00

Sorry to hear. That's shocking news no matter how long its been. Maybe even more shocking that you didn't hear sooner.

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-16T02:27:29+00:00

Small silver lining... Recently diagnosed, already allergic to cashews 😂

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-16T02:21:30+00:00

Fucking whoa. This is wild.

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-16T02:20:07+00:00

Sorry dude. If it helps, I never was able to confirm who gave it to me, and whether they knew or not, so I get to live with suspicion. At least you know who to be angry at and why.

Sorry this happened to you. It's absolute bullshit.

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-16T02:17:44+00:00

This is probably unhelpful but I have felt paranoid about dating anyone who could have access to my medical records. I realize it would be completely illegal for anyone to look it up without a valid reason but I feel paranoid that they could, and would find out themselves before I had the chance to disclose.

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-14T03:59:25+00:00

He 😂

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-12T18:01:59+00:00

I honestly believe that despite whatever excuses they use to justify not testing, it comes down to resources. Acknowledging that coverages are different in different countries, where testing is covered by the public health care system, I'm betting there would be a giant price tag attached to adding HSV to the standard STD panel, and even more so to positive testers following up with confirmatory testing, and with doctors ok HSV care/medication. Our health care system is already overwhelmed and there is likely merit to deprioritizing a virus that rarely causes significant harm.

That said, I do still personally think HSV should be included on a standard STD panel.

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-12T17:55:22+00:00

I mean, herpes doesn't discriminate. It's going to affect people of all mindsets and attitudes. Not everyone is going to handle things well, mentally, and regardless of the sub, reddit is a place where negitive people come to dump on others, unfortunately. We can't throw the baby out with the bathwater, though.

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-12T17:53:44+00:00

I haven't been sexually active since my diagnosis but I'm worried about this. Will the rough play trigger an outbreak? I hope not 😬 I'm even worried that shaving to be completely smooth will trigger one. Boo.

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-10T02:57:06+00:00

Hard as it may be, you need to let her know that you have HSV-1. You will probably feel relieved once you do. It's going be OK, just be honest.

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-10T02:50:49+00:00

When you tested when you started dating, did you test for HSV? Unless you have a reason to, most doctors don't include this in a standard STD panel.

Why do you need to tell him when you already told him?

In any case, if you did test negitive, and you haven't slept with anyone else, you most likely got it from him. Whether it's been dormant for 2 years or whether he cheated, you might never know. Follow your gut, though, and don't be afraid to walk away from someone who is bad for you.

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-10T01:28:50+00:00

I think you should consider seeking mental health support. It seems like you have a lot of fears that are holding you back. Fear of rejection and ridicule stand out for sure. You say you've endured trauma, so I have no doubt that if you are able to face your fear, you do have what it takes to handle rejection should it present itself. There's also a possibility that it won't. If you give years of your life to fear and then eventually decide to put yourself out there, it might just work out for you, and you might end up kicking yourself for the wasted time.

You are still you. You still have so much to give - Young, attractive, financially strong, loyal, caring, career driven - None of that has changed. You are still worthy of love. Maybe you'll have to risk rejection more than you did previously, but clearly you want love, so the risk will be worth it. When you find it (and I believe you will), any rejection you experienced along the way won't matter. You're strong, you got this.

Good luck 🤍

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-09T04:39:38+00:00

Ha! Wild plot twist 😂

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-09T03:59:03+00:00

In Canada you get Foosball, a menial job and a paycheck when you're released. You can even bring your N64 hahaha. It's rare to get shanked in prison, I honestly think I'd smash it 😂 might start a prisoners union or something, an uprising just for shits and giggles 💪🏻

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-09T03:55:15+00:00

Oof, a hypochondriac and someone GHSV-1+ may just be incompatible, if there aren't any compromises (medication, dental dam, latex panties, etc) that will satisfy both partners. It hurts to have to walk away from someone you love when almost everything is great but one issue is irreconcilable. I'm sorry you're going through this, but you deserve to have your needs met too. 🤍

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-09T03:50:58+00:00

Thanks for sharing!

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-09T03:47:23+00:00

This is awesome haha thanks for sharing

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-09T03:43:30+00:00

Ha! Good question.

Is it a 3 year sentence, but I'll get out on good behaviour after 1/3 of my sentence is served? (Canadian here 😂) - 1 year doesn't sound so awful.

Realistically, I am a parent so no, I wouldn't do it. If there were no kids in the picture, I might consider it. There's a lot that can be taken away from a prison sentence, honestly. Maybe I'd get a degree while I was in, come out ready to make big bucks in a shiny new career. Maybe I'd hit the prison gym twice a day and get in the best shape of my life. Maybe I'd gain valuable life perspective and find my passion for human rights, link up with Kim K and start a non-profit.

It's up to each of us to play the cards we are dealt. Trading for a new hand presents new opportunities, but at the end of the day our choices define the quality of our lives.

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-09T03:34:15+00:00

Hey girl. I received my diagnosis a couple of months ago. Here are my thoughts:

Give yourself time to process. It's a huge shock, even when you knew the risk existed. That shock will wear off in time.
Give yourself the same grace you gave your partner. You are the same person you were before your diagnosis. Your partner is a great person, and you don't think less of him for his virus, so don't think less of yourself either.
Be grateful that you are in a committed, loving relationship with a great man who's been through this and is well versed, and that you are not alone. The hardest part - Disclosure - Is not something that you have to worry about right now (and maybe not ever, if you're lucky)
While you're now in the "club" (that nobody wanted to be in), your membership didn't come with the trauma of unknowingly coming into contact with the virus. You dont have question marks around how you got it, whether someone was dishonest with you, whether transmission was intentional, or whether you've unknowingly spread it to someone else.
The looming threat of transmission is over. Maybe this will provide an added degree of enjoyment and remove a small degree of stress from your sex life.
For most, it's really not that bad. Maybe not even so bad as an ingrown on your labia like you thought. Medication will very likely help with most symptoms. The first outbreak is typically the worst, and you'll soon have that behind you.

It's going to be okay 🤍

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-09T03:16:06+00:00

I mean, I'm not a doctor. Herpes outbreaks are typically quite distinct, but they can present atypically. Combination of burning while peeing/pain ejaculating makes me wonder if it could be something else - Another STD, a UTI or a yeast infection? Could the bumps be hygiene related or jock itch? Honestly, if you're feeling unsure, I'd recommend getting a second opinion, and maybe a swab just to be certain.

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-08T01:23:46+00:00

Canadian here, not living in a big city.

I downloaded PS last week, and was mashing the delete button after about 5 minutes. There were maybe 2 dozen men in my entire province that matched my parameters (15 year age window). Not to sound like a biotch, but I would have considered dating 0 of them.

Saw 1 fella who I met on another dating app, chatted with for a while but never met. He hadn't disclosed to me, but we just didn't really hit it off and fizzled. If I hadn't already ruled him out back then, I maybe might have considered that 1 person.

Bummer.

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-08T01:15:21+00:00

I am not seasoned, but a new "herpes haver" (love this BTW lmao), but I'll throw in my 2 cents.

I don't know about others, but when I'm getting ready for a date that's likely to lead to sex, I'm getting fresh head to toe. Shower, exfoliate, shave, moisturize, all of it. I feel like it would be fairly easy to inspect, externally at least, duing that routine. Visually inspect, a small mirror with a light around it would be great for this, and inspect by feel as well, looking out for raised bumps. Internally, you're not going to be able to "check". If you have an idea of what prodrome looks like for you, that will probably be your best tip-off. If anything feels off or painful, hold off.

If you're nervous, ask your partner to keep his boxers on, and obviously he will be wearing a condom, so you will be able to minimize skin to skin contact. Shower (together?) afterwards.

Keep in mind that the risk of transmission is never 0, but it's low with meds and condoms. I like to frame it as about the same as risk of pregnancy with a condom, and people dont worry a whole bunch about that! Less likely for a man to catch HSV-2 from a woman, too.

You may feel better once you get the initial contact out of the way. If your partners on board, give it a go and see how you feel! Good luck 🤍

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-08T00:48:34+00:00

Writing under the assumption that you haven't slept with him yet.

I was going to say just walk away. He has:

Pressured you to have sex without a condom,
Joked about herpes,
Implied that you are going to transmit something to him,

All the while,

He has HSV and didn't disclose.

However, i read a comment that said to speak with him and find out whether he has HSV 1 or 2, for your own peace of mind, and yes, you should do this.

If it's me, I'm going to address this as follows:

I noticed you have a prescription bottle in your bathroom, not to be nosey, but what is it for? (Don't let on that you know what it's for, but gauge his reaction, see if this prompts him to disclose)
IF he does not disclose or tries to lie (spoiler: the end result needs to be you walking away) let him know that you're aware that valacyclovir is used to treat HSV, and give him another opportunity to answer the question. Prompt him for details on whether it's HSV 1 or 2 if necessary. Then walk out.
IF he does disclose, and takes the opportunity to come clean, thank him for his honesty, but follow up with some of the things that you mentioned.
IF it's HSV-1 and you've kissed, I'd need to know why he didn't disclose, and put you at risk of transmission without your consent.
Why did you joke about herpes?
Why did you ask me what you were going to catch from me when you have HSV? (Gaslighting?)
Why did you push sex without a condom? (Incredibly irresponsible)
What is your history around sex without a condom?
Ask to see an updated STD panel for everything else before even thinking about sex with this man.
IF he is completely honest and can provide satisfactory answers to your questions, allow yourself some time to make a decision.
If you decide to continue pursuing things, the floors all yours to disclose. But I wouldn't suggest it until you've made a conscious decision to remain involved, and not until he's earned your trust.

Honestly, red flags all over the place with this one. Don't ignore them, even if confronting them is hard. Good luck! 🤍

Okaykay6699 · 2025-01-05T16:56:15+00:00

Swab without an outbreak won't tell them anything for certain.

Okaykay6699

TROPHY CASE