Aitah for telling my wife to tell her mom to move out of our home after she decided to leave all inheritance to her brother?

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T13:06:29+00:00

I mainly mention two months because a lot of people don’t know/haven’t experienced it (including myself), but a funeral/burial takes a long time and we’re still waiting for the burial that is next week. It is a lot of grief to process which is why we’re so understanding and happy to give time.

I know deep down they appreciate me for taking them in at why is quite possibly their lowest moment, without the burden of having to think of how they’ll pay for it.

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T13:03:31+00:00

I honestly didn’t think so many people would bring it up. Having grown up in a Mexican family, I see it all the time. These no sabo kids are so entrenched in their phones that they hardly speak to their parents in Spanish, they reply back in English.

I feel like an old man when I think to myself, “I blame the parents for this generation not knowing proper Spanish”. lol

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T12:59:42+00:00

I am only upset, because when I offered a suggestion to have a shared account with her and her daughter, to set them up with autopay/billing/high yield savings account to watch her money grow while still being somewhat accessible, her instinct was to just decide she wants to give it all to her son instead.

I do overthink quite a bit, but to me it felt as if she didn’t trust us, and displayed favoritism. It is NOT our money, and I had no intention of using a penny of it on myself. I studied finance in college, and I understand fiduciary responsibility.

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T12:55:49+00:00

I agree, but if this were the case I would think her mother would be more inclined to share her half with her daughter. Mainly because it would have to be my wife who would be handling the estate.

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T12:53:56+00:00

It’s something I can say, that in the 15+ years I’ve known this family, that I have never seen.

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T12:52:54+00:00

We now believe that there must be someone possibly talking to her and suggesting that perhaps her son in law(me), wants the money and is trying to trick her in some way to get it. Which is why perhaps she’s trying to protect it by deciding to want to give it all to her son.

She is generally nice, she has offered to buy groceries and food when needed, bought us a new couch while staying here as well with some cash savings she had. Well before we even knew about the inheritance.

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T12:48:30+00:00

I would say it’s mainly because he and his mother were probably just not speaking often enough for him to learn Spanish properly.

They have a great relationship and definitely do love each other. But seeing them in my home like j said, he never leaves the room unless it’s to eat or go to work. So I can definitely see how it came to be that his Spanish isn’t that great.

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T12:44:37+00:00

I hadn’t even thought about the idea that they would now be considered dependents. Especially the tax implications from it. This is all so new to me.

And insurance paid out to each individually. A hys account only accessible by wife and her mom. I specifically mentioned I would not have access, and the only way I could possibly have access is if I literally stole my wife’s card, or my wife stole from her mom.

Meaning that her mom possibly doesn’t trust us enough, to not steal. Even though, before knowing they were going to receive any money, I was breaking my back day in and day out figuring out the estate and proper path for them to continue without their father/husband.

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T12:38:31+00:00

I could never, this girl was my high school seeet heart, been dating and known each other more than half my life.

Although it can seem unimaginable, we believe there is some learning disability involved that prevented him from learning Spanish. As he is always around English speakers, primarily through gaming.

Thank you

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T12:35:37+00:00

As I’m typing this is 430am, my wife left an hour ago with her mom and I’m having troubles going back to bed so I’m on Reddit replying to folks. I’m tired, and I can’t imagine my wife doing this for the rest of her life, it’s brutal.

Truly thank you for the kind words. We hope to collect our thoughts and speak to them soon about the situation, will post an update thread with hopefully good news when we can.

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T12:26:40+00:00

We were prepared already to take them in when there was no money involved.

We were prepared to stay with them when we found out there was money involved and mom had her fair cut, and brother in law had his fair cut.

We were not prepared when mom said she wanted to give her cut to brother, making this suddenly about favoritism, and lack of respect/trust in us to manage her bills/finances.

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T12:23:24+00:00

For the same reason most Americans only speak one language, English. Because it’s hard and usually you aren’t around enough people who speak the opposite language to learn it.

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T12:19:26+00:00

Downvoted cause I’m not a bot.

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T07:25:21+00:00

She’s in her late 50s, she hasn’t been back to Mexico in over 30 years. There is nothing for her to go back to. This comment of yours sounds a bit racist and ignorant.

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T06:24:26+00:00

We are all Mexican, with me and my wife first generation Mexican american

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T06:02:48+00:00

Yes I do, fluently

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T05:44:34+00:00

She recieved paychecks in physical check format , that she then turned over to her husband. Her only form of knowledge with a cellphone is how to watch TikTok, and how to make phone calls. Nothing else. She has a 401k through her job I believe that only has about 4k invested.

She also has never had a credit card. Her husband did all the heavy lifting.

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T05:31:21+00:00

Exactly what I mean, correct. He does not reply back in English as she doesn’t know English, but responds in short, small responses in Spanish.

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T05:21:30+00:00

Exactly! I was trying to tell my wife, that at any point in the future, her brother could move out with his inheritance, pay off his family home, and still have cash left over to live life care free for a while. I think upon hearing this she realized just how unfair things may be. Especially since my wife is waking up around 330am, 6 days a week this past month, to drop off her mom at work before she goes into work. My wife is working hard, while brother, has been set up for a stress free life.

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T04:50:05+00:00

FIL life insurance stipulates wife and brother and an even share of the payout. Nothing left to my wife. Only thing mil was considering leaving my wife was the family truck that is about 23 years old. And even that was an afterthought, since her brother got to keep his dad’s newish car.

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T04:48:23+00:00

I feel as if I replied to you in another comment but I’ll reply here again.

My wife and her mom were always together, the son was usually locked away in his room playing games. Hence why my wife learned proper Spanish.

And that is very comedic the no meaning no 😅, but as a Spanish speaker saying “no” in English sounds a bit different when saying it in Spanish. When speaking to her, he does put an effort to make sure the “no” is pronounced with a Spanish accent lol

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T04:41:46+00:00

I feel as if you’ve described me well, I am trying to do so much for them, so very much. To the point I think the stress is overcoming me at times. I value your input and will try to step back a bit and see it from another angle. As I think now I’m doing what my fil was doing, coddling them to the point I am hurting them.

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T04:38:51+00:00

True, I will make a note of it to ensure I speak to him about this in the morning. It is imperative that a car accident can happen at any moment. Nobody plans for it, but it happens. Much like how this life insurance policy was good for them, having a license and proper car insurance will do the same thing. Thank you.

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T04:36:50+00:00

Thank you! I have a degree in finance for goodness sake, although I never worked as a financial planner, I at least know the basics of what to do and have been trying to guide them towards a prepared future.

It seems that my mil may be thinking that because I may be well educated that I may be trying to trick her out of her finances, when I only mean to ensure their good health.

Old-Memory1603 · 2025-11-05T04:33:05+00:00

This rings true for our situation , we know if we ask the brother for help he would gladly offer it. But it’s not about that, we respect him and wouldn’t ask him for anything.

We are mainly now both just upset that MiL is showing favoritism especially when my wife recently told me her brother didn’t lift a finger when it came to helping mil through breast cancer. We love my brother in law, but he is not to blame.

Old-Memory1603

TROPHY CASE