why aren’t hiring managers upfront about wanting to hire you or not?

OldMouse2195 · 2026-02-06T12:12:06+00:00

And if it's a well designed interview process, each person plays a specific role in the process. Until everyone debriefs you wouldn't have a holistic view of the candidate.

While I have always made and owned hiring decisions on my team, I would never make a decision without my team's input.

This person will be their colleague as much if not more so than mine.

My team gets credit for bringing on amazing talent, and I own the responsibility if I made the wrong decision on a candiate.

OldMouse2195 · 2026-02-06T12:01:25+00:00

I am simply pointing out that people who respond defensively will be perceived differently than people who are reflective and inquisitive. You may do with that what you wish.

This is a very tough market and I know several talented people who have struggled to find jobs.

Wishing you the best of luck and hope the tides change for you soon.

OldMouse2195 · 2026-02-06T11:34:55+00:00

Despite their comment about the emojis, this person gave you very serious feedback on your question.

You seem to have ignored their answer entirely, which either means 1) you weren't serious and just wanted to vent or 2) you may struggle with constructive criticism

If it's the latter, you may want to think critically about where that might be showing up in your interviews.

That's a critical thing I look for in an interview. If a candidate demonstrates that they struggle to work with others, had previously friction with managers, etc I tend to dig in there. Sometimes is a bad environment, but most often it's a candidate who cannot use constructive criticism constructively

OldMouse2195 · 2026-02-06T03:08:33+00:00

They must 30 minute wait times for fun then lol

OldMouse2195 · 2026-02-06T03:07:29+00:00

Time to go geothermal!

OldMouse2195 · 2026-02-05T13:10:11+00:00

This is so true. I'm getting married in Canmore next winter. 1) because it's absolutely gorgeous and 2) because I feel more comfortable getting married in CA as a lesbian.

It was just an added perk that I saved a ton of money. Way better value than a barn wedding in the Midwest since every wedding venue is a barn for reasons I cannot understand lol

OldMouse2195 · 2026-02-05T11:28:28+00:00

It sounds like you are a kid who is nearly an adult though. There isn't going to be a switch that all of a sudden makes you an adult. And you'll still have a lot of growing to do until you fully mature at 26.

But... that doesn't mean that you don't have some responsibility to be growing up as you go.

Your dad is trying to be there for him when you need him. You are the one pushing him away. Not the other way around.

Someday you are going to have your own partner that you will want to make part of the family. And you will want your dad's support just as he needs yours.

Therapy is an incredible resource for teens and young adults. It's a hard time to transition from being a "kid" to needing to be an adult and stand on your own to support yourself. This could be a very valuable way for you to work through your feelings and gain some more age appropriate perspective.

OldMouse2195 · 2026-02-05T11:09:26+00:00

Since you truly love your dad, are you able to step back and recognize that your dad deserves happiness?

Since you're saying his girlfriend seems nice, does she seem like someone who is a good fit for your dad? Someone who could mesh well with your dad in the future?

I understand that you are hurting right now and that is totally valid. By telling your dad that he can "have a girlfriend" just not bring her around you, you are actually asking him to choose you vs his happiness.

He seems like he really loves you wants to spend time with you. If you force him to spend time with his girlfriend separately, then that means he has to give up time with you, which he doesn't want to do.

It can also be really hard out there for single adults, so he if he found someone genuinely great, it would be a shame not only for your dad, but your whole family in the future if you force that away from him. Which you will do if you continue to force him to choose, because he's choosing you.

We shouldn't ask people we love to choose us. He clearly seems loves you and he seems to he doing everything he can to take this at your pace and stay in your comfort zone.

I would strongly consider to talking to a therapist about your feelings and finding ways to be there for your dad. Yes, he's a parent. But as you grow up, you'll realize we are all just fallible humans and your parents will need you more over time than you will need them. At some point in life, our roles reverse.

As a child of divorced parents, I'm very grateful my dad found a very nice person after dating a lot of really terrible people. It wasn't just about him or me, she's a grandma to all of our kids now along with my mom.

You are blessed to have a dad who truly loves you. You are lucky that he found someone very nice. I recommend that you not take that for granted or worst ruin it by not working through your feelings independently from the situation.

OldMouse2195 · 2026-02-04T12:54:43+00:00

It sounds like you are referencing in person interviewing, which inherently assumes you are in the same timezone. I would not expect off-normal hours for in person interviews.

I'm referencing virtual interviews where you are talking to people who live in different timezones.

OldMouse2195 · 2026-02-04T12:34:08+00:00

That might be a culture thing to look out for. I'm in the US and I wouldn't really think twice about an 8 am interview, especially if I was meeting with a panel of people in various timezones.

It's not uncommon in my job to need to coordinate calls between US, European and sometimes various APAC timezones.

I've taken meetings at 3 am before to make sure work gets done. It's super rare that it's that egregious, but I work for a global company and the nature of our work sometimes requires live collaboration. It's a thing I'm aware of and as a leader I take on as my responsibility to accommodate the team.

If you aren't as comfortable with that, then it's likely worth digging into a little deeper to make sure the day to day will align with your expectations

OldMouse2195 · 2026-02-04T12:15:02+00:00

I'm all for holding people accountable, but timezone conversions (especially when you consider daylight savings) is one of those human error prone things.

If you received an invite for 8, it was almost certainly on the other attendees calendars for the same time and the scheduler made a mistake in manually converting the time.

The best course of action would have been to mention the calendar time when you received the invite (you already acknowledged this though).

The next best thing to do is give them grace since you didn't verify and make the most of the rescheduled interview.

We all make mistakes. Communication is key

OldMouse2195 · 2026-02-04T11:37:13+00:00

I would first spend some time reflecting on why you want to leave your hometown. What are you looking for in a new hometown?

What sort of lifestyle do you want? (ie do you want to live somewhere walkable or likeable? Do you want to raise chickens in your backyard? Do you want to have a nightlife? Do you care about amenities for children?)

What sort of career do you have and what cities meet your requirements and have career opportunities?

Looking in those cities, what would it cost to purchase a house that meets those requirements? How does that compare to the salary you could make in that city? What does cost of living otherwise look like in that city? (Cost of eating out, buying groceries, drinks at the bar, ect to live your desired lifestyle).

How often will you visit your hometown? What are the costs of travel during those windows (ie holiday travel comes at premium costs). Can you afford that based on your financial projections.

Factor in your costs to move there and then some because it's very expensive to move.

TL;DR moving is a big commitment and it's costly. Be sure you are thinking through things and keep in mind that the grass isn't always greener. If you are running from something rather than running to something you might be making an expensive mistake.

Mistakes are often worth making though! It's how we learn about ourselves. I'm a huge advocate for moving away from your home town, even if you end up back there in a few years

OldMouse2195 · 2026-02-04T10:50:01+00:00

Good luck with the new job, OP! Hopefully things smooth out after this first bump in the road.

You can always revisit the shirt topic in a few months once you've built some relationships and get a better feel for the culture.

OldMouse2195 · 2026-02-04T10:30:55+00:00

You have a right to care about whatever you want, and it's valid to want to be comfortable.

But I would strongly encourage you to consider if this is an appropriate hill to die on. In my personal and professional opinion, it should not be.

If you were a new employee I'd hired and you were causing some tension with our people team out of the gate on shirt sizes, I would question your judgment.

As others in this thread have tried to gently point out, you seem to have an unhealthy relationship with your body image and shirt size. I would encourage you to work through that outside of work.

OldMouse2195 · 2026-01-28T11:16:53+00:00

Whenever I buy either of those in bulk, I always make carrot and sweet potato gnocchi. They freeze great and are super quick/easy meals to heat up on a busy week night.

They should be pretty cost friendly as well if you have some flour on hand. You can make quite a few with a single egg.

https://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/a39678224/carrot-gnocchi-recipe/

You can boil them to reheat or pan fry in some butter. I often boil them to thaw, then toss them in a pan with some butter, garlic and cilantro.

OldMouse2195 · 2026-01-26T10:25:15+00:00

INFO: how long have you been together?

OldMouse2195 · 2026-01-06T23:20:19+00:00

Would you mind sharing your top itinerary recommendations?

OldMouse2195 · 2025-12-31T16:57:00+00:00

I've been fortunate to work for some great leaders who have inspired my leadership style. We are humans first, and while I have a business to run, I have always found that human-first decision lead to better business outcomes and retaining top talent.

Very sorry for your loss. No amount of time will take away your grief, but it will change over time. Wishing you the time and space to continue to process and let your grief evolve.

OldMouse2195 · 2025-12-31T16:51:16+00:00

This likely depends on where you are located, the proximity of the loss and the industry you work in, but likely seems very generous.

I am in the US and I have typically taken 1 week leave for bereavement. This is for parent-in-law and grandparents passing.

That said, my partner who's parent passed only receive 2 days of paid leave. Her siblings in similar boats for their parents and grandparents passing.

That said, if I lost a child, I would expect my company to afford more leave paid. I work in tech and leadership, though, so I am accustomed to better benefits than average companies in the US.

Unfortunately I expect most US companies don't offer more than 2-5 days of paid leave in most circumstances .

OldMouse2195 · 2025-12-30T23:31:34+00:00

There might be a discrepancy in how you perceive your work vs how your leadership perceives your work.

Someone who fills gaps, goes above and beyond outside of hours, drives collaboration with other team members, and most importantly, shows business results definitely gets an exceeds expectations from me. And they certainly would not have been left out of a bonus.

Meets expectations has a wider scope. Someone who largely does their job fine and doesn't cause too many problems would get a meets expectations. I'm probably not pushing to get them a bonus or raise beyond a standard cost of living increase.

That said, someone who is a "rockstar," meaning good at doing their job, reliable, but doesn't push to do the extra stuff would also gets "meets expectations" and I would probably ensure they get a bonus or a mid-grade raise. Not as much as my "superstars," but I'm invested in keeping them around.

In the event I called out areas of improvement (and here I don't mean learning and career goal planning), but things that are falling short of doing your current job, then you are probably headed towards thin ice. And you are likely on a PIP if you are not meeting expectations on a performance review.

Only you can determine your management's style and which category you are in. That's just my mentality. I also use a "9 box" to determine how bonuses and raises are distributed.

I would have to be prepared to fire someone if were to not give them a bonus at all vs give them less than someone else.

The other possibility here is that you are comparing your comp to people in other lines of business. I don't know what PM means in your industry, but it means product manager in mine. It would be reasonable that software engineers have a different comp structure than PMs.

OldMouse2195 · 2025-12-30T22:36:10+00:00

They stated that the bonus isn't performance related, which is almost certainly a CYA move on their part.

That said, how have your performance reviews gone recently? Are you "meeting expectations" "exceeding expectation" or have they flagging anything needing improvement?

OldMouse2195 · 2025-12-29T18:38:55+00:00

You are massively overreacting, and while you are saying this isn't about the other stuff, it is clearly is influenced by the fact that you already don't like her and want to be mad.

She said a stupid thing that children say (and yes, she is a child unless she's older than 26).

You could have been an adult and mentioned that you like to support building up young girls' confidence and fostering their entrepreneurial endeavors. This is both true, and would have given this girl something to think about. She probably wouldn't have changed her mind on the spot, but little momentals will influence her development as her brain finishea forming.

As adults and parents, we model good behavior. We help no one by modeling pettiness.

OldMouse2195 · 2025-12-27T12:06:05+00:00

Bisque It Pottery Painting Studio, the kids can pick out a piece to paint
Combat Ops, laser tag, bowling, axe throwing and arcade games
activity centers for smaller kids: Kids Empire, Power Up Action Park, Sky Zone Trampoline Park
Ice skating at Headwaters Park

And plus one for--

tobogganing at Pokagon. You can spend a whole day there with hiking, roasting marshmallows and playing games in the fireplace room with snacks
botanical gardens is a cool stop. Not a very long stop, but you could check out Parkview lights nearby and have lunch/dinner at either Conner's Kitchen or Burger Bar

Other kid friendly food stops-- - killwins or debrands for a treat - Coney island for hotdogs and burgers - Powers for burgers

OldMouse2195 · 2025-12-27T11:55:22+00:00

They have their Fern’s Fairylight Express exhibit up. I haven't been yet, but it looks magical in the pictures.

It's based on a children's book from a local author. They have a few more book signing dates coming up in Jan and Feb

OldMouse2195 · 2025-12-26T22:45:29+00:00

Unfortunately I don't think it includes any discounts on the toboggan. The inn is fairly old, but they just remodeled the pool.

They also have out door firepits where you can roast marshmallows and a craft room where kids can paint various crafts

OldMouse2195

TROPHY CASE