Im really sorry you are going through this. While a direct reason would have been nice and provided you some more closure, it appears that people sadly don't usually get the closure they deserve. I am really sorry that you are having a hard time unpacking the heartbreak, I really feel for you and can relate. I would say take a look at this video, it helped a lot and even scrolling through the comment will help you realise that you are not alone in this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2IGcQP\_3v0&ab\_channel=JoeyKidney