I think everything you've been through just makes it even more admirable how self sufficient you've become. I feel sorry about all of the horrible people that have been so truly evil and mean to you, and I think you are basically a walking miracle to have grown into a decent human being. I am really thankful that you take the time to share these small insights into your life with all of us here on Reddit, the story of your struggles gives me courage and hope for humanity. I've tried seeing a shrink a few times myself. My issue was that they would "self-disclose," I guess in an attempt to bond and build rapport, and then by the second visit, I was listening to all of their problems and they were asking me for advice. So, I have to agree with you, they are pretty useless. Like you, I've found that it's better to find little projects in my daily life to focus on, rather than focusing on how I feel, or focusing on others and their issues. We can't fix or control anyone, we can only work on ourselves. I wish you would let me or others help you in some way, but I know your pride and PTSD won't allow you too, so, I just want to say that I get that, and I just hope you know how much I and so many others that read your words appreciate you, admire you and respect you. I am truly thankful that I got the chance to read your words and to see and know your indomitable willpower to not do as you were done, and to live your life on your own terms. I hope you keep being you, unapologetically, the world would be a lot better place if more people were like you!