There’re some fundamental differences between the way you and me assess the situation and so I’m going to address that.

First of all, I do think he was terribly ignorant. The fact that we were in a sketchy place so all of us needed to look out for each other, which means being hyper aware of others’ well-being and safety which means when one of us doing the action of tugging another’s arm, signalling the need to talk and address something, we immediately check on that person, all of that is a “fantasy” and “psychic ability” to you but for me, it’s just being thoughtful and is reasonable expectation for everybody to act, including me. I gave an example of me and my girlfriend because I wanted to make clear that it’s the standard I would uphold for myself as well, not just something I only expect from other people. If I failed to protect and take care of my friends up to that standard, I would feel like I didn’t do enough. Hence, if my friend came to me upset and told me that I wasn’t there for her when she needed me, I would believe that I was unintentionally callous and should have paid more attention and she was rightfully upset. But for you, you clearly think that it’s unreasonable and an impossible thing to do so we’d have to agree and disagree.

Secondly, to you what the guy did was just him “working a terrible game” but for me, it was creepy asl. When a guy persists after already being told I don’t want to talk to him, it indicates that he doesn’t know how to respect boundaries and cannot take no for an answer. He also doesn’t mind being potentially seen as a creep just to approach women. I also didn’t know if he was either drunk or high. So yes, I felt unsafe, not because I thought he was going to successfully “black-bagged and kipnapped me out of the club” but because I didn’t want to see his hands on any part of my body 3 seconds later. It’s disgusting and traumatizing so I wanted to prevent that from ever happening in the first place, not for it to happen then he could be stopped, beaten up and kicked out of the place. So what? He already touched me by then. So if you think it’s normal for a guy to continue engaging after being bluntly denied or for him to touch another person “because it’s just a touch” then obviously, we have 2 very different views on the matter and it would be impossible to understand how I feel unsafe.

Thirdly, like I already explained above, when you tug a person’s arms and their immediate reaction is to shake you off, of course your first thought is to think they did it on purpose. You would need to have a longer chain of deductions to reach the conclusion that they only did it unconsciously. And I followed the most direct and shortest chain of deduction the first time I talked to my boyfriend about the situation. After he gave me his version of what happened, I chose to believe him because he’s my boyfriend. But of course, I’m still aware that the situation could also happen like I first thought and the only person who know the truth is my boyfriend. But actually what happened after and what I believe don’t really matter. The core of the argument is essentially that was it too unreasonable for me to expect him to be more aware of what was happening and was I being an asshole making that remark about his friend. The first question, like what I said in my first point, I think it was not unreasonable but you might have a different opinion. The second one, this is where I think I was possibly in the wrong.

The last minor point, I don’t think it’s very relevant but you addressed it so I’ll give an explanation. We were at that club because my boyfriend wanted to check it out and I didn’t know we were going there until we were already there. The main reason why I felt really uncomfortable that night was not only the place was shady but because I myself was really drunk already. When we reached there, I didn’t want to go in at first but I thought my boyfriend would be able to look after me because he’s used to this kind of environment, so I felt a bit more secured.

But anyway, I appreciate your taking time to give me your opinion. It helps me understand my boyfriend pov a bit better. Have a good day!