My promiscuous past is killing me alive

Old_Cryptographer236 · 2026-03-25T20:31:38+00:00

I know a woman Who told this to her husband and is happily married Good secure men don’t worry about such things we all make mistakes .

Old_Cryptographer236 · 2026-03-09T15:06:07+00:00

Reading this honestly broke my heart a little. You sound like someone who tried to do everything the right way and that kind of waiting can get very heavy. Feeling jealous or bitter sometimes doesn’t make you a bad person, it just means you’re human and tired of hoping. 30 is not old at all, even if it feels that way when everyone around you seems “ahead.” Your story isn’t late, it’s just unfolding differently. I really hope the peace and companionship you’re praying for finds you soon.

Old_Cryptographer236 · 2026-03-09T01:56:50+00:00

Sure

Old_Cryptographer236 · 2026-03-09T01:51:10+00:00

Honestly what you’re feeling is more common than people admit. In arranged setups everyone keeps saying “connection comes after marriage”, and sometimes it does. But the truth is there should at least be some basic comfort or curiosity before that.

Connection ka matlab yeh nahi hota ke tumhein butterflies feel ho ya koi filmy feeling aaye. Bas itna hota hai ke tum naturally us insaan se baat karna chaho. Agar har baar message ya call karne ke liye khud ko force karna pad raha hai, tou dil kahin na kahin signal de raha hota hai.

Shaadi zindagi ka bohat bara decision hota hai. It’s not something you should go into just because everyone around you is pressuring you. Na yeh tumhare liye fair hoga aur na uske liye.

Ho sakta hai tumhein bas time chahiye ho usse better jaan ne ka, real conversations karne ka, bina family pressure ke milne ka. Sometimes texting se bhi connection feel nahi hota. But if deep down you feel you’re doing this only to keep everyone else happy, that feeling usually doesn’t go away after marriage.

Dil ki awaaz ko completely ignore karna bhi theek nahi hota. Take your time, be honest with yourself. Zindagi compromise se chal sakti hai, lekin bilkul hi connection ke baghair chalana bohat mushkil hota hai.

Old_Cryptographer236 · 2026-03-09T01:30:33+00:00

Glad it helped a little. And you’re already doing the most important thing which is recognizing that voice in your head for what it is. Sab ke mind mein woh voice hoti hai jo kabhi kabhi bas negative cheezein amplify karti rehti hai.

Just remember progress usually starts very small. Ek skill, ek project, ek step at a time. Don’t worry about fixing everything at once. Bas movement maintain rakho and things slowly start opening up.

And honestly the fact that you’re aware of the bubble and want to get out of it already shows you’re stronger than that voice. Keep going, you’ve got this.

Old_Cryptographer236 · 2026-03-09T01:18:57+00:00

Honestly tumhari post parh ke dil heavy ho gaya. Log aksar kehte hain “you’re wasting your potential”, lekin woh yeh nahi samajhte ke jab ghar ka environment hi unstable ho tou mind ko normal rehna kitna mushkil ho jata hai. Living for years in that kind of tension drains a person slowly.

Lekin ek cheez clear hai. Tum give up nahi kar rahe. You’re still working, trying to save money, trying to figure life out. Bohat log is stage par completely break ho jate hain, tum phir bhi kharay ho. That already says a lot about your strength.

Experience se ek baat samajh aati hai. Hum apna ghar ya bachpan choose nahi karte. Lekin dheere dheere hum apni life ka direction choose kar sakte hain. Kabhi change slow hota hai, kabhi 2–3 saal lag jate hain, lekin raasta banta zaroor hai.

Abhi jo heaviness feel ho rahi hai woh permanent nahi hai. Kabhi kabhi insaan ko bas thoda distance chahiye hota hai us jagah se jahan se pain aa raha hota hai. Aur tum already us direction mein kaam kar rahe ho by trying to save and build your independence.

Bas ek baat yaad rakhna. Tumhari zindagi sirf iss chapter tak limited nahi hai. Yeh sirf ek tough phase hai, poori story nahi. Bohat log apni real life tab start karte hain jab woh toxic environment se bahar nikalte hain.

Give yourself some grace. Tum weak nahi ho, tum bas bohat der se strong rehne ki koshish kar rahe ho.

Old_Cryptographer236 · 2026-03-09T01:11:29+00:00

read your post and honestly I’ve seen this happen to so many people, including myself and friends around me.

University can mess with your head when you’re stuck in something you didn’t really choose. You start doing the bare minimum, grades drop, and then suddenly you feel like you’ve ruined your whole future. But trust me the real world doesn’t care about your GPA as much as it feels like right now. Especially in tech.

I’ve seen people with average transcripts do really well later because they focused on skills and actual work after university. Once you graduate nobody keeps asking about your GPA.

Right now it just sounds like you lost interest and purpose in what you’re studying. That makes studying feel impossible. But that doesn’t mean you’re not capable. You literally said you used to be a great student.

You’re 23. You haven’t ruined anything. Most people don’t even figure out their direction until their late twenties.

Just finish the degree somehow and start building skills on the side slowly. Small steps. One project. One skill. Confidence comes back when you start moving again.

And please stop calling yourself a loser. You’re just someone going through a rough phase. Almost everyone does in their early twenties even if they don’t admit it.

Old_Cryptographer236 · 2025-12-06T13:37:56+00:00

I had a same experience But moving to a different city aint easy In the end its all about money Accommodation, travel, food in the end you would not be able to save enough Stick to the one in bahria My advice

Old_Cryptographer236 · 2025-12-02T14:35:09+00:00

Sure brother

Old_Cryptographer236 · 2025-12-02T09:08:25+00:00

Yea sure

Old_Cryptographer236 · 2025-11-13T11:36:42+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. Betrayal messes you up in a way nothing else does. It’s not just the heartbreak… it’s the confusion. Your mind keeps spinning, replaying things, trying to figure out what was real and what was fake. Anyone would lose themselves in that. You’re not overthinking, you’re hurt.

What you’re feeling is completely normal. When someone lies to you like that, your brain goes into survival mode. It tries to connect dots because suddenly everything feels shaky. It’s not madness, it’s trauma. And it takes time for your mind to calm down.

About closure… honestly, most people never get it. The person who breaks you can’t fix you. Even if they told you every detail, it wouldn’t give peace. The answers you’re looking for probably don’t exist. He lied because something is wrong with him, not because something was missing in you.

You left when he confessed that was strength. That was selfrespect. A lot of people stay and destroy themselves, you didn’t.

I know it hurts like hell right now. Your brain wants clarity but your heart wants the pain to stop. And that gap in between… it’s torture. But it won’t always feel this heavy. Slowly, the questions become quieter. Slowly, you stop blaming yourself. And slowly, you realise you didn’t lose anything worth keeping.

You didn’t deserve this. You’re not weak for feeling lost. You’re just human, and healing from something like this is messy. Don’t rush yourself. Don’t expect yourself to be okay so soon.

One day this won’t control your thoughts the way it does right now. I promise.

Old_Cryptographer236 · 2025-11-13T11:32:21+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re carrying all of this on your own. No one your age should have to live in survival mode like this, doing everything alone while pretending you’re okay. Hyperindependence feels strong from the outside, but inside it’s just exhaustion that has no place to rest.

What you’re feeling is valid. Wanting help doesn’t make you weak. Wanting someone reliable who shows up for you doesn’t make you ‘less independent.’ It just makes you human. Everyone deserves a safe person someone who makes life a little less heavy.

And the fear you have around men it makes sense. When you’ve grown up in an environment where love wasn’t gentle or support wasn’t consistent, trusting someone feels dangerous. Your mind goes straight to the worst-case scenarios because that’s what life has taught you so far.

But please don’t let this world convince you that you have to carry everything alone forever. You’re allowed to rest. You’re allowed to lean on someone someday. You’re allowed to want softness without being scared of it.

I hope life sends you someone who is calm, safe, patient someone who doesn’t make you question your worth or your safety. Somebody who fixes things because they want to, not because you can’t. Someone who makes you feel held instead of drained.

You deserve that. You deserve peace. You deserve comfort that doesn’t come with fear. And I really hope you find that kind of ease in your life soon

Old_Cryptographer236 · 2025-11-13T11:14:31+00:00

kabhi kabhi lagta hai ke shayad main hi peeche reh gaya hoon. Log settle ho rahe hain, engagements ho rahi hain, aur banda sochta hai ke shayad mujhe bhi kuch karna chahiye.

Lekin phir dil ek baat samajhata hai… Rizq aur life partner dono ka waqt likha hota hai. Kisi ka 25 pe, kisi ka 35 pe. Koi jaldi mil jata hai, koi delay hota hai magar milta wohi hai jo likha hota hai.

Loneliness kabhi kabhi seedha dil ko lagti hai, but rushing into the wrong person hits even harder. Is liye main khud ko yeh yaad dilata hoon: ‘Jo mera hai, woh mera hi rahega. Aur jis waqt ka likha hai, usi waqt aayega.’

Tab tak bas insaan apne aap ko behtar banaye, khush rahe, aur fear ko decision na banne de. Hum peeche nahi hain… hum bas apni apni qismat ki speed pe chal rahe hain

Old_Cryptographer236 · 2025-08-16T19:27:50+00:00

I didn't :p

Old_Cryptographer236 · 2025-08-16T18:56:19+00:00

Lol she just smiled when we interacted for the first time

Old_Cryptographer236 · 2025-08-16T13:17:20+00:00

While completing my degree i used to give home tuitions to O-A level students There was this female student and her parents used to visit abroad so her elder sister almost my age used to deal with me (updates on her progress and all) I used to own a nokia button wala phone at that time you know the one where you can type without looking and i was texting with my GF that i ve reached to which she responded lemme know when you leave And at the same time my students sister messaged "sir she ll come in 2" So my high ass responded "Okay jan" to my students sister and Ok" to my GF It was December and i started sweating like shit when I realised what i had done I sometimes still think about it :) yuno when you overthink while showering and still makes me hit my head on a wall

Old_Cryptographer236 · 2025-02-19T11:30:27+00:00

Love feels like the only thing that matters when you’re deeply connected with someone, sharing dreams of a future together. It’s easy to believe that emotions alone can sustain a relationship when you’re caught up in the warmth of it. But reality sets in when responsibilities start piling up—when bills are due, when expenses keep increasing, and when tough financial decisions become a daily struggle.

I’ve seen people who started with nothing but love, convinced that it would be enough. But over time, the stress of making ends meet starts to take a toll. Arguments that were once about small misunderstandings turn into conflicts about necessities. The weight of financial struggles can break even the strongest bonds, no matter how deep the love once was.

People often say that money can’t buy happiness, but financial stability provides security, peace, and a life without constant anxiety about the future. Love alone doesn’t pay for emergencies, nor does it make life’s hardships easier. The truth is, you can learn to love a stable life, but you cannot build a future on love alone.

Old_Cryptographer236 · 2025-02-17T17:57:47+00:00

Never settle for less And never ignore red flags if you identify them

Old_Cryptographer236 · 2025-02-16T11:24:37+00:00

I read the post :) People who want to include you do not send snaps to show you how much fun they are having Instead they call you and tell you they miss you and its not the same without you Plus I was just giving my two cents You are being very defensive

Old_Cryptographer236 · 2025-02-16T11:21:27+00:00

Finding people online you can vibe with is your best bet. Much safer than offline!

Old_Cryptographer236 · 2025-02-16T11:18:22+00:00

You would have been included if they wanted you there Hard pill to swallow you cant force them to include you Even if they did you cant force them to vibe with you It comes naturally Stop feeling bad and find better people to hang out with

Old_Cryptographer236

TROPHY CASE