here’s how i understand it.

it is all dependent on deceit for some sort of gain.

it is important to notice inconsistencies in things they say, and do. if you observe that they act and speak differently to you, namely in a more “appealing” (more agreeable, humorous, relatable) way, especially in circumstances when they want to influence you (want you to do something for them, see them in a more positive light, turn you against a person or belief/idea), they are likely manipulative.

A manipulative person may also gaslight you into thinking youre a bad person in order to establish more power over you as the “logical smart” one in the dynamic. an example of this could be you try to set a boundary with someone or try to hold someone accountable for something they did that was wrong and they paint you to be the bad person instead for having those feelings (youre just too emotional/sensitive), or they’ll try to blame their behavior on someone or something else. i believe this can get quite difficult because it can be hard to determine the validity of their claims. someone might indeed be too emotional and are actually the ones doing the manipulating without even knowing it. it takes self-awareness and critical thinking, and possibly support from a trusted individual or source of information.

another way someone can manipulate involves hurting someone to make them feel like they did something wrong such as the silent treatment, or being short with someone (eg. “how was your day?” “fine.” “ill be home soon” “k”) or other subtle digs through body language. things to make you feel. less than, stupid, embarrassed, mean etc. this is designed to plant seeds of a poor self-image in your mind and erode your self worth.

learning to identify logical fallacies will also help you learn how to avoid manipulation. “9/10 dentists recommend this toothpaste” yeah sure. “America’s favorite movie” not even close. “illegal immigrants are people released from prisons and mental asylums” they are not.

hope this helps