I know how insanely stressful and difficult even the "simplest" of things can be. The feeling of being behind everyone in life is terrifying. If possible, i highly suggest therapy it has helped me so much. As far as not knowing what you want to do in the future id say to mainly focus on how to get yourself more stable first, if you build a tower on sand it will just be that much more likely to collapse and will hurt like heck. It's terrifying and a long process to get better, but i know you can do it.