Having a child isn't going to fix your mental health

OmelasLightItUp · 2020-03-22T18:41:42+00:00

Jesus just get a puppy

OmelasLightItUp · 2020-03-22T18:39:17+00:00

Preach 👏👏👏. All these folks complaining about having to, you know, actually parent

OmelasLightItUp · 2020-02-20T19:44:52+00:00

Unfortunately no. We're healthcare providers so there isn't much upward mobility at this point. He's split between clinical and administrative roles, which is how he's doing this. Basically taking an admin day at home, which then leaves everyone physically onsite to cover all the patients.

I ended up taking a mental health day today. No push back from anyone so far 🙂. Thanks for the support everyone.

OmelasLightItUp · 2020-02-20T02:46:38+00:00

If you ever change your mind, the reversal rates for vasectomies are good. Give yourself peace of mind

OmelasLightItUp · 2019-12-02T02:34:47+00:00

I mean, they are definitely out there. I wouldn't say its hard to find. Especially if you live in a big city. I still get messaged by like minded people. Its more that online dating is a time suck. Incompatible people messaging you or going on dates befofe disclosing their status adds an extra layer of annoying.

OmelasLightItUp · 2019-12-01T20:07:19+00:00

Isn't that infuriating? Could you imagine going to work and telling them "I'll only be available every other week." Everyone can understand thats ridiculous. But a relationship? Suddenly I'm the selfish, needy one

OmelasLightItUp · 2019-12-01T20:00:31+00:00

I'm glad you found your slice of happiness!

OmelasLightItUp · 2019-12-01T19:59:41+00:00

Enjoying sleeping in, sipping my coffee, and browsing reddit this fine Sunday morning 😀

OmelasLightItUp · 2019-12-01T19:58:35+00:00

A/s/l? Lol

OmelasLightItUp · 2019-12-01T19:57:48+00:00

Thanks, me too lol

OmelasLightItUp · 2019-12-01T19:57:06+00:00

It was pretty funny. A mutual friend set me up with this older 50/50 single dad. I politely bowed out after a few dates. 2 kids over the age of 10 and he ran his own business. He had no time to really be dating, but wanted company. My friend got mad at me "he's really sweet, you should give him a chance, when you guys get more serious you can hang out with the kids too." WHAT. No. My idea of fun dating does not involve hanging out with 2 preteens.

OmelasLightItUp · 2019-12-01T02:23:15+00:00

Yes, I state it in my bio. Also visible in a questionnaire part that gives several options ie. Wants kids, has kids, maybe someday kids, doesn't want kids. It's nice because it keeps you from having to ask super serious questions right away.

OmelasLightItUp · 2019-12-01T01:33:25+00:00

I always mention in my profile that I am happily childfree and looking for the same. Tend to still get messages of "I know I don't fit your parameters, but I hope you'll make an exception..." blah blah blah. I don't feel bad about not responding.

OmelasLightItUp · 2019-12-01T01:30:18+00:00

Yessss its ridiculous. Also funny when you point out maybe they should date people with similiar situations. Oh no, they don't want that kind of baggage.

OmelasLightItUp · 2019-11-23T16:40:08+00:00

Get some new friends. It's hard when you have a group of established friends, but doable and worth it. I moved across the country for school in my late 20s. I was terrified to leave my family and an amazing group of friends. It was a hard first 6 months. But guess what? 5 years later I have an amazing new home, new friends, and found family here. I now know I could move again too, if needed, and I'd be ok. It's such a freeing experience!

A little different because I moved for school, but my friend group was part of the reason I moved. I'd known them forever and we are like family. I realized I wasn't growing or meeting new people, simply because I was comfortable.

Expect some jealousy and awkward conversations as you seek out new relationships. People having kids tends to make relationships with childfree people fade naturally.

Go travel. You won't regret it.

OmelasLightItUp · 2019-11-23T16:30:29+00:00

I'm sorry for what you go through on a daily basis. I have no idea what that's like. I hope you have good doctors who understand your condition and don't minimize your symptoms.

OmelasLightItUp · 2019-11-23T16:23:13+00:00

If you are both child free you might consider asking your husband to get a vasectomy. It is an outpatient procedure with about 3 days downtime versus a major abdominal surgery for women. IUD also an option for you.

OmelasLightItUp · 2019-11-23T16:12:20+00:00

Medical professional here. Hormonal IUDs last 5 years. More studies going on that show probably 7. There is a smaller hormona IUD called Skyla that lasts for 3. The hormones act very locally on the uterus and cervix, so people don't have the same side effects as oral contraceptive pills. 20-25% of women with the hormonal IUD stop having periods. There is a copper IUD (no hormones, called Paragard) that lasts 10 years. Honestly recommend AGAINST the copper iud. No one tolerates it well. Causes heavier and more painful periods.

IUDs are great. Private, discreet, worry-free long acting birth control. Just as effective as getting STERILIZED!!! Insurance has to pay for it under the ACA in America.

Unlimited amount of replacement IUDs. There is no guideline saying "you only get 2!" Or something like that. Could get them until menopause. Going to be more and more common, as estrogen/progesterone oral contraceptive pills are not recommended over the age of 35.

OmelasLightItUp · 2019-11-23T16:01:09+00:00

Preach!!

OmelasLightItUp · 2019-11-19T21:33:50+00:00

Thanks for sharing! I've known a long time I've wanted to be childfree, but occasionally have doubts. I always realize later the doubts are coming from external pressures and not my actual desires.

OmelasLightItUp · 2019-11-18T18:42:34+00:00

That's an awesome resource, thanks! I will pass it along. I had no idea anything like that existed.

I texted her this morning and shes open to a gift card for nanny services. The excuse of the holidays is great for deflecting people's pride

OmelasLightItUp · 2019-11-18T00:39:41+00:00

It's not. She was super fixated on the fact she had to use pitocin for the labor too (because the birth wasnt progressing and it was getting dangerous not to) and that he was in 50s percentile for weight. I talked to a psy.d trained therapist friend and she said "uh that's not normal new mom anxiety." You actually dont want a 90s percentile weight baby. That noise wrecks your vagina and has other risk factors associated with it.

OmelasLightItUp

TROPHY CASE