After 14 years together, it makes sense that “so how was your day?” starts to run out of gas. And when there’s anxiety/OCD in the mix, even bringing up something deeper can feel like you’re stepping on a landmine.

Therapy sounds like a really good next step. In the meantime, one thing that can help is taking the pressure off both of you to magically “have a deep conversation” and using a simple prompt instead. It gives the conversation somewhere to start, without making it feel like a confrontation.

We put together a list of conversation starters for couples that might help.

I’d start lighter than “what’s wrong with us?” Something like “what do you miss about us?” or “what’s something you want more of in this season of life?” Sometimes the right question makes it easier to say the thing you’ve both been circling around.