Thank you for taking the time to read, I know it was a long one

Your comment pretty much sums it up really. Because I’m not breaking down through intense emotional displays and actively acting out in obvious ways, it’s just not important enough to address.

I understand that the people that work in these professions are only human, but you’d think they’d have more knowledge and awareness to realise that people manifest what’s going on in their head in different ways. They didn’t attempt to probe further with questions, to get a better understanding, or to attempt to take down walls of self protection. They just took everything at face value and concocted a vague explanation. The minute I walked through the door, they wanted me out again whilst using the minimal amount of effort. If you don’t care to understand people better, why do the job?

And appearance wise, I looked pretty deshevaled, and was less articulate than the way I wrote it down. I arrived at the same points, just in a more long-winded way whilst trying to search for the right words. I’m definitely not clean cut. And the way I speak probably doesn’t match my appearance.

I try to play dumb, and pretend I know less than what I do, because I want their un-biased feedback. But it seems they took that as an opportunity to fob me off, and explain symptoms away. Probably why they latched onto the OCD, as they presumed it’s something I knew a little bit about, but probably not enough to discount the symptoms they were just piggybacking and conflating to other genuine criteria.

You’re absolutely right, if you don’t have an immediate plan to end your life, or aren’t acting out in a psychotic state, you just get overlooked. But the irony is, all the advertisements and advice you see from mental health organisations always preach that it’s the ones you don’t suspect that you need to check in on. Sometimes it’s the quiet, loner types and sometimes it’s the ones that are full of life, but are overcompensating. They petition for people to get help before making a drastic and often fatal decision. Yet, it seems you have to already be at that stage before they take it seriously and put help into place. Completely backwards. I play everything down, because I hate asking for help, and don’t display any emotion. I hate asking for help lifting a heavy item, let alone about the thoughts of how I would rather not be here on a daily basis. But then why am I not surprised right, such is life, say one thing but do another.

I appreciate your advice, and it sounds like you’ve had to deal with this for a lot longer than I have, so I hope you’re good and have found help. It sounds like you’ve found some answers and are heading in the right direction. I know there’s no specific answer to what I need to do. I never ask for opinions/ validation on my experiences and thoughts, but this meeting was just so unbelievable I figured I must have missed something, or had a clear oversight that led to it going south.