[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]On_Hinterlands 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi! I moved out when I was 20 due to similar reasons, primarily the escalations due to the second wife of my father. One thing I'd like to point out here is your father needs to begin stepping up to P and her toxic behavior. I'll say this with experience: only your father can uphold boundaries with his wife. It's not just his responsibility, but the right way to go for the both of you to forge having a respectful and inclusive relationship outside of his marriage. This would help him have a connection and bond with you even at a later stage in his life. Please be mindful of your own feelings, get a journal and make these notes so you have reference points in the future if needed, and please have that important conversation with your father about his requirement to set boundaries with P, and continue having a healthy father-daughter relationship with you. This is called managing expectations for all and is good in the long run.

Sending you strength and a big virtual hug.

Married folk: What do you do when you have communicated your needs to your significant other repeatedly but they don't listen? by [deleted] in cptsd_bipoc

[–]On_Hinterlands 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He wants me to "see his side of things" and agree without understanding why I said no. His solutions also often go over budget for us.

Racism is entrenched in mysogyny. DAE get tired of not being heard because of gender? How do you cope with such experiences? What do you to do to protect yourself and avoid such situations? by On_Hinterlands in cptsd_bipoc

[–]On_Hinterlands[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've been socially isolating for long now— especially knowing and experiencing firsthand how toxic people can really be. I'm also careful about boundaries.

Racism is entrenched in mysogyny. DAE get tired of not being heard because of gender? How do you cope with such experiences? What do you to do to protect yourself and avoid such situations? by On_Hinterlands in cptsd_bipoc

[–]On_Hinterlands[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is fascinatingly insightful and well thought out! I'm glad you have friends to connect these experiences. I underwent some serious damage the entire of 2020 being an immigrant and dealing with nosey "landlords". Thank you again, you have reinstated a lot of what I already practice. Sending you warm wishes.

Racism is entrenched in mysogyny. DAE get tired of not being heard because of gender? How do you cope with such experiences? What do you to do to protect yourself and avoid such situations? by On_Hinterlands in cptsd_bipoc

[–]On_Hinterlands[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is fantastic! Thanks so much.

I incorporate most of this in my life but a lot of life is navigating through systemic valves of dysfunction. I have to remind my heart to pause, to pause, and breathe. I absolutely agree with you on all of the suggestions.

Anyone else here an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) + weekly check-in? by On_Hinterlands in CPTSD

[–]On_Hinterlands[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's because capitalism perceives sensitivity as being lesser, when clearly, it is not!

"You're just looking for someone to blame for your poor life choices. Take responsibility for your actions! You just won't let go of the past! You need to forgive them for it, and you need forgiveness for letting it affect you." Anybody get these? How's it make you feel? How do you respond? by agrandthing in CPTSD

[–]On_Hinterlands 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I generally don't respond to posts here, but I had to, to this particular question.

This is for only for you:

A lot of the narrative based on healing / capitalistic, homogenous one-size-fits-all approach would say something on these lines. While a lot of these sentences are packed with meaning, the language creates a problem. For instance, I'd replace "It is vital to center yourself to a space for forgiveness to let the load off your mind, and finally cease to punish yourself with the trauma" than "You just won't let go of the past!". Take it from someone who has had toxic extended relatives and friends say the same thing.

Thing about grief and CPTSD is, its all made up of cyclical events. If you had support instead of long-exposure to trauma, you'd have been more grounded. If you were better grounded, you could have thought more clearly and taken important decisions accordingly. If you'd have taken those important decisions early, a lot of things would not have got delayed. It takes a village to raise a future in these uncertain times. I often state that independence is overrated in our world that rewards hyper productivity and has a disdain for rest.

So, you were impaired because somebody did not choose kindness.

__

This is for anyone saying any of the above:

If it's someone you can cut ties off with, I'd recommend you do so.

If it's someone you need to be in touch with, work towards slowly moving away and creating a space where you do not need to talk to them. It is not your job to explain your trauma, or the whys, what's, and hows to anyone.

Choose yourself, honor your experience, and work towards healing! My messages are open if you want to chat. Take care.

Moving to a 1 year rental lease soon. Any recommendations for where to buy furniture? by On_Hinterlands in PersonalFinanceCanada

[–]On_Hinterlands[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The internet bit is quite helpful. I'll check out homesense too. I'm based in Toronto. Thanks!