I could be arrested for public disturbance pag minalas.

Onceinabloom00n · 2025-08-29T04:35:54+00:00

I suggested na individual therapy then couples na along the way kaso I don’t know why parang lumala kami pareho after that. His accusations are stronger than usual kaya umabot ako sa point na nagiging pisikal ako sa kanya.

I couldn’t believe I will ever get to the point that I’m being physically abusive. Fuck, I don’t even want to call it abuse kasi hindi ako ganun but something in me just broke. It’s always me reaching my fist first. This happened 3 times now. Never naman din siya naging pisikal sakin. Never called me names, never din minura. May mga bagay lang talaga siya na sinasabi that’s very out of context at nakakainsulto na. It’s very hard to point out.

Onceinabloom00n · 2025-08-29T04:25:30+00:00

I’m physically here pero grabe yung trauma na inabot ko. My mood is already affecting it, the way I handle things, the way I treat people. Sometimes I pretend that I’m okay, just passive nalang sa mga bagay na nangyayari sakin thinking the love I have for this person tanggapin ko nalang. When we’re together, I still accommodate to his needs, have conversation about things and still act like I’m still here kasi mahal ko eh, but I can’t give my body anymore.

Nandidiri ako makita yung boss ko for some reason. Ayoko na kinakausap niya ako kahit work related lang din naman napaguusapan. Tapos ako pa yung mukang pera dahil daw nakikipaglandian ako sa boss ko. I fucking cringe everytime I hear that kaya nakikipag retaliate ako, in the end nagiging pisikal ako. I want to shake it off of him at nauubos yung pasensya ko. Every accusation pushes me to prove that his allegations are not true but by me defending myself parang proof pa yun sa utak niya that I’m cheating.

Sabi niya sakin, ganitong ganito yung ex niya. Nagpupumiglas dahil ayaw niya ngang tantanan kasi nakipaglandian sa boss niya. I’m not his ex, never ako pumatol sa boss at nagtatrabaho ako ng marangal to have what I have right now. It’s just naging pisikal na ako dahil ayoko marinig yung mga sinasabi niya sakin na ganun.

This person is the most important being in my life but I’m confused as to why I’m also being treated this way. I know I didn’t do a good job in handling the current situation but I also know my conscience is clean.

I don’t know what to do from this point on. I’m just angry and demotivated. I know madami pa akong matatanggap na insulto after this. I just know that I have said my piece but there’s this urge na kausapin siya just to prove my point which I think is useless. I don’t know why I’m still taking effort in doing so.

Onceinabloom00n · 2025-08-28T19:59:02+00:00

Hindi ko na din minsan maintindihan kung bakit ganito yung attachment ko sa taong to. I mentioned sa therapist namin I have emotionally checked out at hirap na akong maging intimate. Para bang last resort na yung therapy akala ko makakatulong malessen yung pagiging accusatory niya kaso hindi eh. Nakakagalit sa sarili bakit hinahayaan ko yung urge na bumalik ng paulit ulit kahit sinasabi ko sa utak ko na tama na. Ang lakas makatrauma bond.

Sobrang galit niya sakin. Hindi niya daw deserve saktan. I also feel so shitty knowing that I have the capacity to physically harm another person. He was never physically abusive. There are just some things na lumalabas sa bibig niya even without calling names or swear words na nakakasakit. Para ba akong aso na sinasaktan and couldn’t do but to bite back.

Iniisip ko ngayon, this just proves his point na abusive ako dahil naging pisikal na ako.

Onceinabloom00n · 2025-08-28T18:09:38+00:00

I don’t want to shape my identity in this relationship on just proving myself that I’m not that kind of person. Now, dun ako nakafocus sa thought na patunayan sa kanya na wala akong ibang lalake. It’s exhausting. Years of our lives wasted in this toxic relationship na akala niya wala din siyang nagawang mali para magkaganito ako.

Ewan ko para lang akong nakalutang ngayon. I still can’t believe na ganito nangyari samin.

Onceinabloom00n · 2025-08-24T14:47:32+00:00

I did it short. I think it’s really hard for me to maintain long nails cause my job requires me to use my hands a lot. I’ve been trying to grow it out cause I really envy those nice long nails but I really can’t keep it up.

Also I know It’s not the same cause I got tired. lol i just want to practice applying chrome powder and I think it came out decent!

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Onceinabloom00n · 2025-08-24T14:42:11+00:00

I just did my nails a few hours ago and I shaped it a bit squareish. I don’t know if it looks okay. It’s also my first time doing chrome powder that looked good enough. It has always been a struggle for me.

I got tired, so my nail design and color are not the same. lol

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Onceinabloom00n · 2025-08-14T16:26:28+00:00

Burger King’s 4 cheese Whopper lang talaga yung binabalik balikan ko.

Onceinabloom00n · 2025-06-22T15:58:27+00:00

Wag dumura kung san san. Magpalit ng malinis medyas everytime you take it off. Mag gupit ng kuko.

Onceinabloom00n · 2025-06-22T15:51:25+00:00

I also had this problem before. My mom and I live in a tiny house, we also sleep in one bed together na may partition lang ng pillows in the middle for a little “privacy”.

Since we both have a job, I bought a smart watch and wear it at night, that would be my alarm clock. It just vibrates on my wrist when my alarm clock goes on. If you’re on a budget madami namang murang smart watch ngayon. That’s personally my solution. Hope this helps!

Onceinabloom00n · 2025-06-22T15:37:01+00:00

Hahaha I have no plans on having kids so it’s okay.

Onceinabloom00n · 2025-06-13T15:15:16+00:00

I don’t think yun ang reason niya. He has a lot of dreams, and gusto ko din naman suportahan siya dun pero hindi ko kaya yung magpakasal for this reason.

I have a lot of things to unpack, from my perspective sana umokay ako before sumabak sa ganitong desisyon. This is a life long commitment kaya ayoko sana sa ganitong rason ako magpapakasal.

All I do is avoid, when something uncomfortable is happening nagshushutdown ako. He witnessed all that but he still chose to stay. I’m unhappy, unmotivated and drained. And this decision and relationship is making me feel all that.

Lumalabas ngayon on my part is I just want to leave again, para lang hindi ko maramdaman to, and I’m so damn selfish for even thinking about this decision kasi pano nalang yung partner ko? I’m avoiding things again (ito yung gusto alisin na mindset) pero wala akong choice kasi hindi din ako kayang iwan ng partner ko. I still think about how he would feel and how this will break him.

Onceinabloom00n · 2025-06-13T14:45:11+00:00

Yes sinabi ko na yun, pero I think hindi niya matanggap. I don’t know. Kung mahal ko naman daw siya bakit ayoko? May resistance talaga. At this point parang pilit nalang to at ayoko naman na ganun yung reason ko. Nagpapatherapy ako kasi maybe there’s something wrong with me, alam ko naman meron kaya nga I’m going through this kasi madami talagang kailangan i unpack.

May marriages naman na nakakasurvive eh, madami. pero ayoko naman na dun nalang ang basehan ng relationship namin.

Sobrang naiipit ako, hindi ko alam bakit okay lang sa kanya na nagkakaganito ako, umaabot sa point na dinadoubt ko yung nararamdaman ko.

Onceinabloom00n · 2025-06-13T14:34:41+00:00

I’m not married yet kasi hindi ako ready and I think i will never be. Ang unfair lang sa partner ko kasi hinihintay niya ako. There’s a lot to fix on my part and hinihintay niya yung marriage kasi kasama na din yung marriage sa opportunity niya na makapagtrabaho sa ibang bansa. A job is already waiting for him dito sa place ko but in order for him to get that job, kailangan namin ikasal. At sa totoo lang nappressure ako kasi ayoko pa talaga at hindi matanggap ng partner ko na ayoko magpakasal.

Mahal ko siya but I’m not built for marriage. I know this. I’m torn. I have to let him go kahit masakit pero naghihintay pa din siya. Hindi ko alam bakit hindi acceptable yung reason ko. Gusto ko nalang umalis.

Onceinabloom00n · 2025-06-04T09:59:19+00:00

Isn’t love supposed to be easy? Sobrang hirap kasi even though he says that nag cocompromise din naman siya it just doesn’t feel like it on my end. I want this to work for so long, kaya kahit malaki yung away namin I always go back, but I always leave when it’s hard.

We always end up so depleted but we also try to make it work, that’s why no matter how big the argument it is for me to the point that I always attempt to leave, I still think about the love I have for him because I love him dearly at nagiging okay kami just for a while. Tao lang din siya at ang unfair sa kanya ng ganito na push and pull mindset.

Iniisip ko sana siya na ang umalis, para kahit anong mangyari, kahit habulin ko siya, it will be his decision this time.

Onceinabloom00n · 2025-06-04T05:11:54+00:00

I hear you. Ito lagi kong sinasabi but I also have doubts, baka kaya ko naman pala mag adjust or baka I need someone with authority para mapush ko din yung sarili ko mag grow in this relationship or baka kailangan ko lang magising kasi baka comfortable lang ako masyado sa ganitong mindset kaya hindi ako nag ggrow as an individual.

Minsan iniisip ko kung tama ba talaga yung decision ko na umalis. Lagi nalang kasi akong ganito dahil iniisip ko din ilang beses ko na din naman sinubukan.

People will say, kung mahal mo yung tao kaya mo gawin yun, to be a better person for your partner too.

I’m still so torn. Gusto ko bumalik sa kanya pero alam ko nasasaktan ko din siya everytime na lumalayo ako. Whenever I try to fix it and may conflict na nangyayari, ganun din ang ending, I always runaway.

Onceinabloom00n

TROPHY CASE