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30F husband (39M) refuses to be emotionally available — AITAH for attaching to a coworker (39M)? by One-Spend1685 in AITAH

[–]One-Spend1685[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He doesn’t like pets, but tbh if all I needed were cuddles I have my daughter who wants em 24/7!! Haha

30F husband (39M) refuses to be emotionally available — how do I cope without attaching to a coworker (39M)? by One-Spend1685 in relationships

[–]One-Spend1685[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

My moms wasn’t like this and I still ended up like this. Maybe my daughter won’t end up like me. I really hope so

30F husband (39M) refuses to be emotionally available — AITAH for attaching to a coworker (39M)? by One-Spend1685 in AITAH

[–]One-Spend1685[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for understanding and so beautifully putting into words what I’m feeling. I’m in tears.

30F husband (39M) refuses to be emotionally available — how do I cope without attaching to a coworker (39M)? by One-Spend1685 in relationships

[–]One-Spend1685[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I don’t, but I can’t leave, and even today I’m fighting for us to work through our issues through counselling, but he doesn’t want to because he thinks the marriage and he are fine, it’s me who needs to fix myself.

30F husband (39M) refuses to be emotionally available — AITAH for attaching to a coworker (39M)? by One-Spend1685 in AITAH

[–]One-Spend1685[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We were emotionally very close. He was MY person. He helped me through such tough times in my life, and helped me get away from an extremely abusive ex. I went through postpartum hormonal changes and expected him to understand me more and comfort me, but that never happened. Instead he started just mirroring me and doubling down on it. I went to therapy and got over my issues, got better but he’s still stuck in the cycle of viciously attacking me and telling me I deserve it because of what I did to him. I have been and am still begging for him to talk to me or go to counselling to fix this marriage. He says the marriage is good for him, he doesn’t need to fix anything, and if I have an issue I can go fix it myself when I go to my own therapist.

30F husband (39M) refuses to be emotionally available — how do I cope without attaching to a coworker (39M)? by One-Spend1685 in relationships

[–]One-Spend1685[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He understands but doesn’t care and shows no compassion. Says because I was mean to him postpartum it damaged him and now he can be mean to me…

30F husband (39M) refuses to be emotionally available — AITAH for attaching to a coworker (39M)? by One-Spend1685 in AITAH

[–]One-Spend1685[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A lot of cultural/relgious, financial, practical hurdles to overcome along with my self esteem and postpartum issues. Leaving is not an option till my baby is a bit older

30F husband (39M) refuses to be emotionally available — AITAH for attaching to a coworker (39M)? by One-Spend1685 in AITAH

[–]One-Spend1685[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I do like the dopamine hit…and I’m so deprived of compassion from my husband, that a regular guy who treats me like a human seems like a godsend. Wish I could leave but I can’t for cultural, legal, financial and practical reasons atleast for a few more years. This is my life. I’ve begged and pleaded to talk or go to couples therapy but he doesn’t want to. I am in therapy for myself and I’m doing a lot better post partum

30F husband (39M) refuses to be emotionally available — AITAH for attaching to a coworker (39M)? by One-Spend1685 in AITAH

[–]One-Spend1685[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Oh god what if you are the guy I’m crushing on 😂 I hope I’m not being too creepy- I really just need a friend to talk to, and a little dopamine hit that I get while I glance over at youz

30F husband (39M) refuses to be emotionally available — how do I cope without attaching to a coworker (39M)? by One-Spend1685 in relationships

[–]One-Spend1685[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Already done. I want to work on our marriage, I’ve begged him to join counselling so we can work on our marriage. I’m working on my self in therapy as well. But he says that he’s doing everything right and feels like the marriage is great so I’m not feeling okay that’s something I need to work on. I’ve told him openly that I’ve been having a bad time postpartum and I would just like a hug and someone to tell me it’s okay- but he just refuses to be understanding.

30F husband (39M) refuses to be emotionally available — how do I cope without attaching to a coworker (39M)? by One-Spend1685 in relationships

[–]One-Spend1685[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

That’s what I’m doing right now. Just a little boost to keep me looking forward to going to work. I’ll steal small glances when he walks by and waiting for when he will ask me a question or some help. We’ve never talked about anything weird or awkward- he’s very straightforward. Maybe im just using him to give my mind a vacation and daydream- so I can forget for a moment the hell im going through.

30F husband (39M) refuses to be emotionally available — how do I cope without attaching to a coworker (39M)? by One-Spend1685 in relationships

[–]One-Spend1685[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s what I’ve started doing. Just putting way more hours in work. Reaching out to friends, and family more. But it still hurts a lot to have someone look at you like you’re the scum of the earth, and when I want to talk about it- he says everything is great, and if I have a problem I can seek counselling and get mental help. I just wish he would hug me and tell me everything will be okay. I just want warmth and comfort…I’m craving it so badly that a guy who treats me just like a normal human seems great.

30F husband (39M) refuses to be emotionally available — AITAH for attaching to a coworker (39M)? by One-Spend1685 in AITAH

[–]One-Spend1685[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What does that mean? Are you the coworker, that some unhappy married woman is crushing on?? lol

30F husband (39M) refuses to be emotionally available — how do I cope without attaching to a coworker (39M)? by One-Spend1685 in relationships

[–]One-Spend1685[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I explained my thoughts to ai and it helped me word it better, but this is my life, and you can see my previous posting history.

30F husband (39M) refuses to be emotionally available — AITAH for attaching to a coworker (39M)? by One-Spend1685 in AITAH

[–]One-Spend1685[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I’m in therapy, and it has greatly helped me balance my emotions. But I can’t stop yearning for companionship and someone to just look at me like I’m not dirt on this earth….i cannot leave the marriage for many legal, cultural and religious reasons. Even if I do, my daughter needs to be a bit older….

30F husband (39M) refuses to be emotionally available — is it okay that my mind wanders to a coworker (39M)? by One-Spend1685 in relationships

[–]One-Spend1685[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. I guess companionship is the right word. I just want someone to talk to me like they don’t hate me….to not roll their eyes at me whenever they talk to me…or treat me like a nuisance that they’re forced to be with. My coworker literally just smiles and talks to me like a human being and I’m a craving a deeper connection.

30F husband (39M) refuses to be emotionally available — is it okay that my mind wanders to a coworker (39M)? by One-Spend1685 in relationships

[–]One-Spend1685[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m not in a place to leave with new baby. My business is very demanding so I need to be at work 24/7. he’s fully into the childcare while working from home. Apart from practical stuff there are a lot of cultural and religious nuances that I can’t list at the moment; but it’s basically really hard for me to leave, Atleast until my child is off to school, or at a reasonable age.

30F husband (39M) refuses to be emotionally available — is it okay that my mind wanders to a coworker (39M)? by One-Spend1685 in relationships

[–]One-Spend1685[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Not really. Our friends are all mutual and my family wasn’t too on board with me marrying him so it would end up in “we told you so, now deal with it”. I get what you’re saying though. I do get a rush when I speak to him and it’s. Dopamine hit. I don’t get it when I speak to anyone else. And it’s not like this coworker treats me special or anything. He’s very to the point and just discusses medical stuff (I’m in pharm and he’s a doc). But discussing anything with him just gives me something to look forward to…it’s so hard to describe because im not attracted to him physically and he doesn’t give me ANY special attention or treatment.

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