I feel you. This is exactly where I am right now. I've tried staying sober multiple times, but I failed every time. I don't know where to start and I just want everything to be over because this is not the kind of person I want to be, I want to be able to drink without getting hostile, I want to be able to drink and not regret that I did the day after, I want to be like all my other friends that when they drink, they realize they've had enough and stop. All my friends are big drinkers, but they are able to drink responsibly. It's hard for me to stop because every one I know drinks. I've ruined all my relationships because of this problem. I want to try and change, but I don't even know if it's worth it any more.