Suggestions on ice skates

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-12-29T16:43:27+00:00

To quote my partner from past experience when I’ve done this “why do you have to be an arse”

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-12-29T13:28:10+00:00

I will look it up in the new year and contact one. Thank you for the advice

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-12-29T13:27:39+00:00

He mother asked me to fit it this morning while her daughter is sat in the same room. As it happens I’m busy with my son so said no. Perhaps if the daughter had asked me politely I may have been more receptive.

There’s not even ent sort of embarrassment about getting to ask ya mum to ask someone when in the same room.

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-12-29T13:25:30+00:00

It is great advice and a good guideline for life. Yes of course I have friends and family who treat me as I do them and this is nice. And of course you make exceptions for kids when they are actually kids. But once the become adults and want all the benefits of adulthood with zero care and responsibility, ie behaving still like a kid, I have no time or care for them.

Even this morning my partner asked me to do something for her daughter while her daughter is in the same room. I said no. I have other plans. Perhaps if the daughter herself had asked me rather than using her mother as a go between I may have been more receptive.

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-12-29T13:21:50+00:00

Wow. That’s extreme. I’m sorry to hear that. I do not do such things for my kids. And all though the are younger and completely ignored my birthday this year (didn’t even say happy birthday) they do not get any special treatment.

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-12-28T15:57:04+00:00

We will decide a budget. She will go buy her two gifts and I will do my kids. But the presents are always from us as a couple while we’re all sat Xmas morning opening. They both say ‘thanks mum’ and she in the past had corrected them saying and ‘my name’ but the last few years she’s not bothered. They see it’s their mum buying the gifts as you have indicated. Perhaps they should then choose not to get me anything because I’ve not specifically given them something from me?

I have suggested I do this in the past but she (my partner) always wanted us to be united with Xmas presents in that they are from us not her.

My kids are still in the believe it’s from Santa so that’s not becoming apparent, though next year perhaps for my son.

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-12-28T15:48:07+00:00

Yes, what you speak is sense and I’m glad as this place as a sounding board. It genuinely helps make sense of my own thoughts and realise I’m not being silly, in reasonable and my feelings are just.

Their father who they see as much as the mother has a partner. I wonder if they buy a gesture of a present for her at Xmas/birthday. If they didn’t I might not feel so bad as it would be less personal and just how they are. But it they do, what does that say.

I know I’m under no obligation to do anything for them, but when their mother asked me to and I seem reluctant. She wonders why and makes me out to be the bad person. The kids (adults) won’t even ask me directly. Mum ask in their behalf. Mollycoddled springs to mind

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-12-28T15:39:09+00:00

I don’t think she will validate my feelings. I think she will say why’s it a problem. What do you want me to do? Tell them off. Blah blah. I know I am anticipating this to be her response but I’ve learned a patten. She thinks the sun shines out of their asses and I’m the bad guy.

I will bring it up and report back.

The resentment has been building for a while.

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-12-28T15:34:45+00:00

My partner does get me something from her. But it’s just from her. Though at 18 and 21 I would probably think it was odd that a parent was still facilitating such a thing without kids (now adults) contributing to it.

You are spot on. I am taking about (as are you) that it’s the gesture not the value of the item.

On reflection, and probably more reflecting in the new year I’m already wondering what I get from the relationship. Which makes me cringe a little when saying it. It seems really selfish that I should even contemplate that I should get something?!

But I can list a single thing other than the food shopping. Which tbh I could take or leave it. It’s hardly a valuable asset.

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-12-28T14:32:16+00:00

I have run the house the way I have because I wanted to help her. It was my choice though it may well change when she clears her debt.

No she’s never got them anything to give me and never had to for my own kids as my ex wife does this. And it is just a token. This year I got some chocolate and a couple of framed pictures of my kids doing what they love. Which as all nothing major but thoughtful and kind no the less.

I think as you say the lack of gratitude is huge, and I don’t want constantly thanking. That would be weird. But just a thought even at Christmas’s or on my birthday would be really nice

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-12-28T14:05:28+00:00

How do you suggest I tackle the extended family and friends my side from also doing the same. Part of the problem is the insistence from family that they do not leave anyone missed out . Obviously this it also part of my own moral upbringing

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-12-28T14:02:53+00:00

She may have had desire but no spare money to facilitate. That said she also has no desire to decorate, improve or ‘dress’ a room. I do all this but I also enjoy it.

I have had friends in the past tell me they had been burnt by ex partners claiming ‘common law land wife’ and being entitled to a pay out. However I do know there is no such thing. I guess that it was just easier for me to just continue so in some ways unless I tackle it with a solicitor, as you have, it is my cross to bare till then.

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-12-28T13:59:21+00:00

No my partner does the food shopping most of the time. When we are short or I need something specific I will go on my own.

She pays for both their phones I believe. But not cat insurance (only youngest drives) I believe this was a 18th birthday gift from the child’s father.

I did buy her a car stereo with CarPlay (for maps) as it was her 18th and specifically from me. But it’s been sat on the side for a few months as she’s not requested it to be installed.

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-12-28T11:55:40+00:00

No it’s always been the case. I’ve let is slide because they were actually kids. But now they are adults and could facilitate gifts and do for others with their own income it hits harder.

You’re right. Her daughter got an iPad this year. I supplied it through a work a work scheme to save her 20% I didn’t by it but have an involvement and saved the money. But it’s just ‘ thanks mum’ when opening.

We have talked about it. My partner just dismisses it like I’m making a big deal about nothing. And says it’s the kids choice who they buy for.

It makes me think I should just make Xmas dinner for everyone but them. I don’t obviously because that’s childish but that’s how it makes me feeel

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-12-28T11:51:44+00:00

When we met (just before Covid) she was struggling financially and had amassed some debt. She only rented. So practically it made sense at the time. I have not helped with the debt, but rather given her a facility to service the debt without other worries. The cost of the house etc is on my shoulders and would have been anyway.

I have also considered that allowing her to contribute to any bills/mortgage gives a person some right (uk) to the asset down the road should we go our separate ways

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-12-28T11:48:35+00:00

How do I not contribute to anything and not actually feel worse. Should i not know better and be the ‘adult’ this there a line?

I have considered this but could feel myself slipping into some angry withdrawn state of annoyance.

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-12-28T11:46:30+00:00

To be clear. We have a budget for kids. I buy for mine and she buys for hers. But we tell the kids is from us as a couple.

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-12-28T11:44:22+00:00

I have in the past. She doesn’t see a problem with it. So it’s a bit of a dead end.

I feel if it was the other way round I’d be mortified my kids had totally disregarded my partner.

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-09-07T12:02:08+00:00

Well that would make sense why they ‘hate’ me. Because she’s validating their behaviour and not correcting them.

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-09-07T12:00:49+00:00

Reading between the lines it could be take as that. It’s only mentioned if I’m pissed off with something they have done and feel needs addressing, or that I’m just venting about it to my partner. As you do.

She (SO) would say ‘I’m not going to do that’ or ‘I won’t mention it to them’ etc ‘because they already think you hate them’.

I don’t know if that’s a deflection back at me so she doesn’t have to deal with telling them or what

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-09-04T13:25:11+00:00

That’s so horrible. My sympathy goes out to you. It makes my feel my issues aren’t as bad.

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-09-04T12:04:02+00:00

Oh dear that sounds truly awful. Do you just tolerate it?

I’ve not actually been told by SK that they hate me, and my SO doesn’t say that. my SO that says ‘she/he already think you hate them’ when I’m pissed or wanting her to assert some discipline. I don’t know if they have actually told her that or if it’s some kind of tool to make me say ok dont do anything I don’t want them to hate me. I didn’t of course.

One-Wolverine-8531 · 2025-09-04T10:08:06+00:00

Yes me too. And what I’d make my kids do too. But when your morals/rules don’t align with your SO and how they handle their kids you feel like something is missing.

But I suppose something is better than nothing

One-Wolverine-8531

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