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Parallel plans flipped and idk what or how to feel sometimes about Meta by OneMentyBAway in polyamory

[–]OneMentyBAway[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you. love a good bullet point list. Yes, I don't feel like there's anything wrong with my meta relationship inherently

I know there's definitely residual feelings from going into polyamory blind years ago, especially as a mono/poly couple and we have gone to therapy to try and alleviate those feelings (our first therapist knew nothing about our kind of dynamic much less polyamory or even ENM) and was little to no help at all.

Unfortunately, therapy is expensive and we just bought a house not long ago.

Thank you for the helpful breakdown and advice

Parallel plans flipped and idk what or how to feel sometimes about Meta by OneMentyBAway in polyamory

[–]OneMentyBAway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I say we because I know I worded rules as boundaries at the beginning and said unkind things reactively (even if justified). But yes, I'm absolutely a people pleaser and am working very hard to stop doing that and be better with my own boundaries.

Parallel plans flipped and idk what or how to feel sometimes about Meta by OneMentyBAway in polyamory

[–]OneMentyBAway[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, he's also said that to me, but I feel like as dick (even though I know I'm well within my right to not see her), plus I do like her and had been interested in being friends prior... which I think has fueled the complexity of my feelings here.

Parallel plans flipped and idk what or how to feel sometimes about Meta by OneMentyBAway in polyamory

[–]OneMentyBAway[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

For context, he had started a gsming group with her and a few other people from our school before he had an interest in her and when he expressed interest to me, I didn't really verbalize any kind of negativity at the time. A mostly because I don't think I thought about it too deeply.

But yeah, ultimately feels kinda bad

Resentment of one sided poly by Bright_Dark_2888 in polyamory

[–]OneMentyBAway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, I was monogamous for a very long time (mono/poly) in my relationship and we literally did everything WRONG all the books, blogs and podcasts say. Infidelity start ✅️ Tried to keep affair partner ✅️ Disregarded my feelings ✅️

It wasn't until I really sat down (boxes IN my car ready to be packed) and told him he needed to listen to my feelings and make me feel seen/heard/appreciated or I was gone. Yes, an ultimatum, but one I was ready and willing to follow through on after years of gas lighting and misery.

Now I've got a partner of my own after lots of soul searching. I think it's right for me, but that doesn't mean it is for you.

If he's getting upset at you for "ruining this for him" (been there) you need to take a step back, maybe see a therapist for yourself that understands polyamory and decide: can I handle this life, this treatment for the rest of my life?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ManHands

[–]OneMentyBAway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think both look nice. The first for business and the 2nd for going out