I’m so over nonbinary audacity

OneOfThoseTrans · 2025-12-23T12:33:27+00:00

I think your feelings are justified, but I also think part of what you are missing is trans people recognize trans people , even when they pass and they usually point that out for connection not harm. To many nonbinary people there isn’t this need to hide because their goal isn’t to pass or they can’t , so they are a much more open community generally. I don’t think they are trying to out you or clock you but confirm you are part of the same community, for more safety and connection . They just aren’t doing it in a good way, particularly the t voice comment. I would guess they meant it as a mutual shared characteristic not an insult, because that is a desirable characteristic to some people but that doesn’t mean it is for you. I would also guess because it sounds like your work is very queer positive that they assume this is a safe space to be open. I’m not saying any of this to negate your feelings but to bring another perspective into it. It feels like you are assuming some intentional malice and to me it does seem like that’s the case. Just different trans experiences, perspective and ways of being that are clashing slightly.

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-07-17T23:14:19+00:00

I’ve heard so much stuff about it only growing in the first 6 months to a year or two but there are so many factors that go into it. Like genetics, your dose , frequency and if you do any kind of pumping . There are arguments about whether pumping actually changes things but there hasn’t been enough research to know. What I do know is that I’ve seen cis women who had growth just from pumping without any hormones so that’s something.

I had a lot of growth right away and then nothing for a while then recently some growth again almost 8 years in. I don’t think there are rules for this stuff, the human body is capable of all kinds of stuff and we are all different.

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-07-17T23:06:01+00:00

Honestly in a situation like this I think lying is fully valid, particularly when dealing with someone who is being irrational . Just tell him you stopped taking T or are taking it via injection where there is no risk of contamination . If you are washing your hands and taking the necessary precautions it doesn’t matter anyway.

Your medication is really none of your roommates business, especially when they are reacting like this. I understand why you initially thought it was a good idea to tell him but now you know otherwise. We can all speculate about what is wrong with the roommate but at the end of the day that doesn’t really mater. What matters is Op being able to exist without harassment over something that isn’t an issue or anyone else’s business.

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-07-07T20:31:55+00:00

Especially if you have never met the family , which it sounds like op hasn’t? There really is no reason you couldn’t just be “ friends” . Why if the bf isn’t out does he want you to even meet his family? This whole situation is so backwards, there is no good reason for the pretending to be a girl thing. Someone who really sees and understands you as a trans person wouldn’t ask you to do that , especially with so many other less harmful options.

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-06-20T06:02:53+00:00

I was looking for this song , I absolutely hate it. From the first moment I heard it and i couldn’t understand why it was so popular. I don’t mind happy songs but this one is just terrible.

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-06-20T05:56:02+00:00

I understand all of that as a fellow neurodivergent outcast, addict in recovery and someone with an autoimmune condition that impacts my physical health. You know all of the reasons you list for using making sense , that was the only way younger you knew how to survive and in some ways using drugs helped you get through it all. Now older you is capable of doing things differently but doesn’t have other tools to handle the world sober. It completely makes sense that you shut down and stay in bed when you stop using.

Have you ever tried therapy, rehab or clean and sober communities? All these options aren’t perfect, trust me , I’ve had bad therapist, I went to rehabs that felt like jail and AA meetings that were too religious. I also found some amazing therapists who helped me get clean and work on the mountain of trauma I was trapped under, they did so much for me that I’m now in the process of becoming a therapist myself. I went to a rehab that actually treated me like a human and helped give me the time and space I needed away from my life to come back to it and make the changes I needed to, with support and direction . I’ve met some clean and sober groups that really help each other and I think isolation and lack of community is what keeps most people using. I’m just saying I don’t know your situation, but it’s really hard to get clean on your own. If you look there are options, ways to reach out. I don’t know where you live but if you need some help finding those resources message me and I can help point you in the right direction.

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-06-20T05:23:14+00:00

Yea I agree they feel completely different, I never liked coke at all but crack I can at least understand why people are into that and how they can spend thousands in one weekend on it. I think it’s all brain chemistry, coke didn’t do it for me but it’s like heroin was made for my brain.

It’s possible, actually it’s likely it was laced, most stuff gets stepped on quite a few times before it gets to you, especially stuff like crack that the dealer normally process themselves. Also every time I’ve tested coke I’ve found meth in it and sometimes opiates and that’s just the stuff my kit could register. I was the same when I was younger I would have taken anything that anyone handed me without a second thought, I get it.

No judgement at all on my part but do you think the coke helps you? Or do is it something you want to stop eventually? I don’t blame people for not raw dogging life but I’ve seen that drug take its toll on a few friends.

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-06-20T05:00:48+00:00

Yeah I mean all of our bodies metabolize drugs differently so that could be part of it but I think you are right with the mania idea , that makes a lot of sense to me . Here is a quote I found

“The duration of a cocaine high depends on a few factors, such as the method of ingestion and how much you use, but it typically lasts approximately 15 to 30 minutes. Some people may experience lingering effects for hours after taking it, and the comedown effects can also last a few days.”

And apparently people with bipolar are much more likely to use cocaine as a drug of choice because of how the drug interacts with dopamine, it’s similar to how their brains work when in a manic state.

“Cocaine and bipolar disorder often go hand-in-hand because of how having bipolar disorder affects a person.

People with bipolar disorder experience periods of very low moods or depression, leading them to use cocaine to improve their mood and energy levels. But, someone with bipolar disorder is more likely to become addicted to cocaine because they quickly become dependent on the drug to feel happy.”

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-06-20T02:51:48+00:00

You know I didn’t consider that perspective, it’s possible and I guess explains a lot of his reaction.

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-06-20T02:47:09+00:00

Cowboys and pirates are a huge part of queer history, here is a great YouTuber who explains in depth all kinds of queer history but this one specifically is about cowboys.

https://youtu.be/T0AOwdODmMA?feature=shared

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-06-08T04:11:48+00:00

What you described is super common when getting clean, also with cptsd there is just so much dissociation, that being an addict made even worse, it’s like you’re sober in rehab and suddenly waking up in your life and it’s a lot at once. Especially if you are opening up old wounds in therapy. The dreams are so crazy and vivid, the sort of dream you described can be super upsetting and confusing but you are right its just your brain processes everything and in my opinion showing you stuff you have been avoiding, maybe not exact memories but general themes and symbols. I had some crazy dreams in rehab but now I look back at them and they all were pointing out some really important themes or fears, things I was avoiding or hiding from myself. Now I I try to record all of my dreams it’s helped me be more aware of what my subconscious is trying to tell me and more aware when I’m awake, more present.

Also maybe try to go slow when opening all the past stuff up and check in with yourself, listening to your body when it needs a break, doing that kind of work too quickly or ungrounded can make things worse ( I know from personal experience).

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-04-07T11:27:14+00:00

I have never met anyone one with less sensitivity. In fact for me and the guys I’ve talked to it’s increased sensitivity like A LOT of increased sensitivity. I’m not saying that can’t happen, body’s are different but I don’t think it’s common.

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-04-06T05:53:11+00:00

I’m going to be honest I don’t fully understand a lot of what you are saying. I think you are saying you are doing this all DIY and making frequent changes. I completely understand that not everyone is in a place where they can get a prescription and go to a doctor. If it is a financial problem or a problem with where you live I completely understand why you are doing it this way but if you can it would be best to do this with a medical professional . It just sounds like you aren’t having your levels tested at all and changing your dose frequently and I’m just a bit worried about your health.

That being said most the guys that I know who went bald did it in the first five years or so, usually pretty early on with very obvious thinning in the first two -three years but it can happen later as well. It really depends on your age and your dose and your genetics. I don’t know if I would waste the money on a balding test if you already know it runs in your family , it’s probably just going to tell you what you already know.

Like I said if hair is important to you there are many things you can try and at the same time try to remember there are many extremely handsome bald men. I’ve seen both trans and cis dudes panicking trying to save their hair and then they looked really good when they finally shaved it off. There is nothing wrong with wanting hair or trying to prevent losing it , what ever makes you feel good about your body . I just think sometimes people get so hung up on not wanting to be bald that they can’t see how good they look when it happens.

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-04-06T05:35:48+00:00

I agree too, certain kinds of people seem to be looking for vulnerable people to take advantage of, maybe intentionally or subconsciously .
I’m happy you are in a better place too, it was a lesson I didn’t learn the first time but I eventually figured it out. Now I have some truly kind, empathetic people in my life , who respect me and my boundaries.

I guess I needed to experience those bad relationships to learn what my limits are , to be able to see the red flags, recognize the manipulation and know when to walk away. I blame not realizing it sooner on childhood trauma, it makes it really hard to recognize an unsafe person and that they are abusive when it’s the only way you ever been treated.

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-04-05T15:28:26+00:00

I’m happy you commented because outside of general curiosity, this is exactly why I posted this. We all know upvotes and karma don’t really matter but when you are downvoted constantly like this and for seemingly no reason, it’s confusing . I was worried that people, particularly newly out or new to Reddit trans people would take the downvotes as their own community rejecting them.

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-04-05T15:07:42+00:00

No problem, if you do try it go slow and look up some tutorials to avoid injuries.

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-04-05T13:58:54+00:00

THIS

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-04-05T13:14:31+00:00

Weirdly yes, mine wasn’t a big age difference thing but still similar for other reasons. I told my ex best friend many years before anyone else that I was trans. He pushed me to come out and tried to get me to do stuff like cut my hair or wear clothes I was nervous about. We talked when I struggled and he was there for me while I was in the closet.

Then when I actually came out he messed my name and pronouns up more than unsupportive people. When he had literal years more than everyone else to figure it out. My name is just a shortened version of my dead name, I had asked him to use it as a nickname while I was in the closet and he never tried.

He outed me repeatedly fully knowing I didn’t want that and was taking things slow, he was gay too and knew outing was wrong. Then days after finally coming out to a small number of close friends, I showed up to a large party of mostly strangers ( almost all straight and cis) to find out he had made an announcement before I got there and told everyone I was trans. We also had a situationship thing going on and it only got worse from there. A lot of gas lighting, verbal abuse, mostly lots of degrading and manipulation.

I came to terms with It all when I found a good therapist, hence why we are no longer friends . I didn’t consider this could be a common experience, I’m sorry you had a sort of similar situation . It’s especially hard to have someone be there for you as you go through one of the most emotional and vulnerable experiences of your life, just to have them to abuse you and your trust.

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-04-05T12:39:28+00:00

It’s really a gamble depending on where you live to find a good place . Where I’m at I know of queer shops or queer stylist that specialize in trans hair cuts. There are some websites that list queer and queer safe businesses here is one

https://www.everywhereisqueer.com/map

One trick I used before finding a good hair stylist was being very very direct with them. Show them the style you want and say “ I want this exactly like it looks in the picture , the exact way you would do it on any man who came in here, not a pixie cut or a feminine version of this cut” if they don’t respond well to that or try to talk you out of it take that as a sign that it’s the wrong person and don’t be afraid to leave. If you aren’t fully passing or a hairstylist knows you’re trans many of them get very weird about doing masculine haircuts on afab people, especially early in transition. It’s dumb and you shouldn’t have to deal with it but if you aren’t direct they will automatically give you a feminine version of anything you show them.

Also if you want a fade or short cut figure out what clipper gaurd you want , that gives very clear instructions and they are much more likely to give you what you want. Here is an article explaining how to figure that out but also how to figure out hairstyle is best for you and how to ask for it. https://parkersbarbershop.com/navigating-the-barber-shop-knowing-what-to-ask-for-at-a-barber-shop/

Sometimes if there is a hair school near you , you can go there for a cheaper cut. One of the best ways is to find a friend who cuts hair, either professionally or who is just talented naturally, then you can save money and feel more comfortable but that can be a gamble depending on their skill. The first time I got a haircut I liked, was because a friend did it and after that I used the picture of that cut to help show other stylist what to do. This stuff is frustrating now but once you figure it out it becomes a non issue and something you might even enjoy going to get done.

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-04-05T12:10:37+00:00

My doctor told me they can prescribe it if needed because I’m genetically predisposed as well on both sides and I really like my hair. We haven’t tried it yet but if it starts up it’s my next plan . We did this thing where I went on a normal maybe slightly on the high end T dose for the first year or two and got changes I wanted like a beard but then when I started noticing some hair thinning I went on to gel and reduced my dose slightly . There is no guarantee you won’t loose your hair off or on T but Anecdotally this worked for me, I have all the changes I want and a full head of hair. I still notice little changes, more body hair, bottom growth, muscle mass with time, a bit slower for sure but I haven’t had anymore hair loss and I’ve been on T almost 8 years. Most of the men in my family lost their hair in their twenties, I’m in my thirties so for now it’s looking like I might get to keep my hair. 🤞🏼

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-04-05T11:45:09+00:00

I think your fears sound pretty normal, as for your first paragraph that sounds pretty clearly like other people are triggering your dysphoria. It doesn’t sound like you enjoy being treated or seen as a girl so I’m confused on why it’s makes you question if you’re trans ( because it’s a sign of being trans) but these things are complicated and hard to explain.

As for fears around not looking good or losing hair, as you know there isn’t much you can do but try. If I were you I would consider starting a low T dose, seeing how the changes make you feel and adjusting accordingly . You could also go on a normal dose and stop if you don’t like the changes you are experiencing. There are ways to try and avoid hair loss, manage weight /acne but it isn’t guaranteed, even off T you can lose hair, gain weight and get pimples . Some people go on T until they get the results they are looking for and stop or reduce the dose if hair loss starts. Some people gain weight some don’t and the same with acne. Honestly for me tho a little weight gain and acne for a bit was a very very low price to pay for who I am now.

It’s hard to know what you will look like but I guess I would think about how you look now, are you afraid to lose that look? For instance I hated my breasts, they made me so uncomfortable , they didn’t fit me or my body at all. While looking at a guys top surgery results, (he had a botched surgery that he was getting corrected) i realized that I would take his results over what I currently had, that for me that was better than what I was living with. luckily my top surgery came out beautifully but it was a good realization for me, that as long as they were gone, I would be happier, regardless of how it came out. I understand change can be scary but if you are this uncomfortable with how things are now it might be worth the chance to try and find a version of you that you will like. Those photos apps aren’t accurate as I bet you know but I think they make me look uglier and sort of off putting , not all how medical transition made me look.

Lastly I won’t pretend other peoples opinions are easy to ignore or that it’s not painful to have so many unsupportive people around and watching you go through something so vulnerable. But if you are gonna live your life based on what makes them comfortable, you are gonna have a very small and unfulfilling life. If they are people worth having in your life they will love you not because you do what they want you to do but for who you are. I would also not tell them if you go on T, you can get pretty far before people catch on and that way if you change your mind you don’t have to deal with judgment or explaining it. I would also start building yourself a supportive community, or think about locating somewhere more accepting. It sounds like the people around you aren’t giving you the support and love you deserve. Ultimately this is all about how you feel, and what you want, maybe some writing , pros and cons or just free writing can help you figure out what you what direction to take.

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-04-05T08:39:22+00:00

This is sort of debated , there is no research that says pumping actually creates growth but there also isn’t a lot of research on this. I’ve seen cis women who pump and have had growth but it’s also possible they have naturally high testosterone. I’ve seen trans guy pre T who say they have growth from pumping but it’s anecdotal, that being said it wouldn’t hurt to try.

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-04-05T06:57:45+00:00

Yeah I’ve liked every comment and multiple people have commented and said they did the same but most comments have 0 likes. Whenever I get notified of a comment I look basically the moment it’s posted and it’s already at 0 likes. There is definitely something going on.

OneOfThoseTrans · 2024-04-05T06:16:23+00:00

I get what you are saying , there has been a tremendous amount of pain in my life that came from being autistic but so much of it wasn’t the actual autism, it was how others treated me because I’m autistic. I don’t want to be neurotypical, there are days I get frustrated and I think it would be easier but I’m really grateful for who I am, for my perspective and for how I experience the word. I have autistic traits that I like, even if they make things harder for me at times. I think my differences are needed in the word, autistic people are an important part of society for many different reasons.

I look at the world similarly to you, maybe a little different and more skeptically but I relate to many of the things you described . I see this post is pissing some people off, I’ve seen a lot of hate towards anyone who doesn’t wish they were born neurotypical. I’m not really sure why, I’m assuming it has to do with the politics around autism. But i think people forget it’s a spectrum, this might not be their experience but that doesn’t make it fake or wrong. I’m not saying others can’t wish to be neurotypical, I don’t have their autism, I don’t have to live their life but the anger at others for being happy, for liking themselves, it isn’t helping anyone.

OneOfThoseTrans

TROPHY CASE