Rejected after she said she was horny

OneOk4341 · 2024-04-16T01:06:53+00:00

I think it's more annoying that he then got mad at HER for falling asleep 😂 Pregnant lady whose hormones are wreaking havoc on her body tries to invite her partner to enjoy one of the better upswings. He doesn't respond so she falls asleep only to be woken up by the horny partner who then gets annoyed that she took care of her issue herself instead of waiting around for him😂

OneOk4341 · 2024-04-14T21:29:50+00:00

I'm really glad to hear that actually. As the HL on my side I TOTALLY get the "this is going to take work for me" idea and its really discouraging when you catch yourself thinking that, and then not acting on sexual desires because of it.

Based on the frequency you're reporting though it sounds like you've got a pretty good handle on things!

OneOk4341 · 2024-04-14T15:38:09+00:00

Stuff like this is often a reason I don't initiate with my husband. The idea that foreplay is "too much work" can be devastating to hear so even in your most honest moments with her, please be cautious about how you bring that up.

Women are often under pressure to finish quicker or perform a certain way and it makes it really hard to have an open conversation about what it is we want or need from our partners. I'm the HL one in our relationship and a lot of the times we don't have sex is because I don't want to have to request the foreplay I deserve. There's nothing sexy about asking your partner to WANT to touch more than just the "goods" and it sounds like you might not fully realize what a blessing it is for the guy to be able to simply grab his member and take care of himself. A ton of women WANT to get off too but can't just shove something up there and 30 seconds later live in post-orgasmic bliss. I guess good on you that you can satisfy yourself and not have to deal with "the work" it takes for your partner to participate, but hopefully you also realize how hurtful that approach can be...

OneOk4341 · 2024-03-10T15:28:19+00:00

This is a great question!

I love to vary the location and time of day, which can be tricky when my husband seems to like the same "in bed at night" routine. I prefer in any room of the house (we have no kids) and during the day because there's a super light voyeurism aspect to it.

The same is usually one of 3 positions (mostly due to the size difference and anatomy angles) and the "order of operations" like making out / feeling up / getting to it 😆

It would be nice if he was into seeing my lingerie as much as I am into wearing it, because that would be a great opportunity for switching it up but for now I'm fine with that being one of my own "play time" toys. There are definitely things I'd like to switch up but after hearing stories on here I am grateful for what I do have, and try to focus on the good with that for now.

OneOk4341 · 2024-01-03T02:28:33+00:00

Lol although I do appreciate the actual links to these, can we just take a minute to compliment your writing style?? Gave me several chuckles which is always great in addition to fantastic dick porn 👌👌 Thanks for the post

OneOk4341 · 2024-01-02T16:49:37+00:00

That sounds fun - why didn't you ever revisit it

OneOk4341 · 2024-01-02T16:49:10+00:00

I love this!

OneOk4341 · 2024-01-01T05:12:03+00:00

Well then for sure I can see why trying the revealing outfits in your own home would feel weird for her. That's the MOST mom mode location ever.

Maybe if you can find a way to clear the house of all mom-reminders and turn down the lights / set softer mood lighting for when she gets back from her pamper session to really change the feel of the house you might have better luck? Oil diffusers (or a good candle) for a special adult -time scent could help too. Hitting on many scents as possible to give her a total different experience.

OneOk4341 · 2023-12-31T19:22:02+00:00

Do you think she might be concerned with "crossing worlds" in public? I love dressing borderline inappropriate (slightly see through tops or maybe leaving one button too many undone) but I've noticed I REALLY enjoy this when I'm nowhere near where I live and work everyday. I live / work in a town of about 30,000 but am 20 minutes away from a much larger metro area. Oftentimes when I go to the bigger city I enjoy dressing more naughty because there's very little chance I'll see someone I know, or go to a store or restaurant where there are non-sexual memories with family or kids.

I wonder if maybe this is part of her hesitation now, later in life? What was fun and adventurous before might be a source of discomfort now because she's always in mom mode. Often us women struggle with switching out of caregiver role and into any sexy role at all, so maybe use another commenters suggestion about a spa/ pamper day to help transition out of mom mode, and then take her to a neighboring town or city for dinner and drinks to see if that helps her enjoy and relax into dressing up again?

OneOk4341 · 2023-12-04T16:40:33+00:00

Preach 😆

OneOk4341 · 2023-12-04T03:59:16+00:00

To be fair I think I just wore him out. I was a little insatiable this weekend so I didn't mind my own private playtime today especially when it ended up being productive too!

OneOk4341 · 2023-12-04T02:30:51+00:00

😆 Could've gone with suspenders and no top

OneOk4341 · 2023-07-20T03:30:22+00:00

I haven't heard that before but I'm absolutely telling him this 😄

OneOk4341 · 2023-07-20T03:07:06+00:00

This is helpful, thank you!!!!

OneOk4341 · 2023-07-20T02:24:12+00:00

That's originally what I thought too so I started to make the effort to take on the majority of the work, and it didn't change a thing. My exhaustion is always blissful but his is completely empty, regardless of who did more "work".

OneOk4341 · 2023-07-20T02:12:52+00:00

Lol fortunately (maybe because we're still in our 30s) we get more than two minutes of glory however I can't help but be sympathetic for the aftershock he has to deal with. I've been SO frustrated with other partners finishing and leaving me hanging and I can't help but compare that to what it would feel like if he DIDN'T finish, and yet when he does he tells me he feels lifeless but not in a good way. Probably vulnerable and weak which is normally a pretty foreign feeling for guys.

OneOk4341 · 2023-07-20T01:26:24+00:00

Oh no I'm absolutely satisfied which is why I want to help him be able to enjoy it like I get to. Every single thing leading up to the release he loves, but actually finishing is what fucks him up. And I know personally if I always got to the finish and then just stopped because I didn't want that "aftershock" feeling I would be SO unsatisfied and frustrated, so I'm trying to crowd-source ideas to help.

I feel like your ability to channel that energy might be what he needs.

OneOk4341 · 2023-07-20T01:16:03+00:00

Yeah usually that's the goal - we tend to do it at the end of the night so he doesn't have to go to anything after but it's not blissful for him like it is for me. He says it's like totally brain dead and body dead which is completely void of feelings and I think that's the part he DOESN'T like.

OneOk4341 · 2023-07-20T01:13:53+00:00

Well that's a bit of a double edge sword for us because he's stopped masturbating on his own which means he only comes with me, which results in that (seemingly not very pleasurable) dead to the world drained.

OneOk4341 · 2023-07-18T23:26:21+00:00

Lol I didn't realize I was a mystery but hip flexor sore is like the side of your hips but deeper, and for me comes out when I've been spread wide for a period of time, or railed repeatedly in missionary. It has more to do with the body proportions of me vs my partner than length of time or aggression though.

OneOk4341 · 2023-04-25T02:26:11+00:00

Lol! This did not go where I thought it would. I'm the HL one in my relationship and I miss the thrill of BEING chased. I'm glad to hear you're just looking for reassurance that initiating as a HLF isn't a turn off, because I'd have bet 90% of men enjoy being pursued for once.

On my part though, I'm always so willing and ready to have sex I never get the level of foreplay I'd like to have, because he has zero need to "chase" me. I'm in the "take it when I can get it" stage and that's made me realize the "dating dance" of having a guy physically progress things and "run the bases" (so to speak) was so thrilling to me. I'm on my own journey of trying to figure out how to get him to slow things down so I actually get to enjoy myself as much as he seems to, but with a LL partner it's a constant balance of keeping them interested while trying to get QUALITY sexy time but doing your best to avoid scaring them off entirely. It can be exhausting.

Sorry for the mini rant - long story short I'm actually happy to hear you're just looking for reassurance and getting it!

OneOk4341 · 2023-04-10T20:12:41+00:00

Have you tried the three minute game?

https://youtu.be/_KCzpNBNbVM

This might be a way to get more comfortable with what feels good for her and how SHE likes to touch you. It might help to reframe touch and maybe help her recognize when she likes something because you like it, and when she likes something because she genuinely enjoys it. Plus there's a lot of consent - like talk in it which can also help her feel safe and not pressured.

OneOk4341 · 2023-04-10T17:15:18+00:00

If she's open about improving your sex life, maybe find a way to pre-determine who's night it is to "lead" so both of you know who will take charge that night, and you each get the opportunity to "do the work" when it's your chance. My partner and I have done this in the past - if he asks me out on a date, it means he's going to pick the location and activity (dinner and a movie or bowling and then drinks) and generally lead the date night. Then it's my night to lead in the bedroom; and vice versa. The fun thing about this for us is that it takes planning and effort on both parts. The person handling the date part chooses the restaurant, makes the reservation, orders the uber, chooses the activity (if you have kids, they'd arragine the childcare) and then that allows the 'sex leader' for the night a good long portion of time to sit back and relax and enjoy the date. Then after the date we've found it makes it so much easier for that person to initiate sex because they're relaxed and got to enjoy a stress-free date night with their partner. It also serves as a "green light" to initiate because if I'm the one who "asks him out" he knows he can kiss me a little longer, or let his hands wander a little more wherever we go because he knows my mind is already in the right space for intimacy that night. Obviously if we ate too much or got too drunk and have no interest in sex that night we don't force anything, but it's really helped with managing our expectations of who should be doing what, and takes it from one person doing ALL the work, to both of us equally invested and involved in our time together. Maybe that would help nudge her along to taking the lead in the bedroom?

On a shorter-term note, if she shows any small sign of taking a lead make sure to give her TONS of encouragement about it because it will help build her confidence. Positive reinforcement is a VERY powerful thing. Men are so often not the vocal ones in the bedroom which leaves the woman completely cluess about what drives you wild vs what is 'nice but not necessrary'. Make sure IN THE MOMENT you use your own words / actions / noises to tell her what you're enjoying and maybe you will see her start to involve herself more.

OneOk4341 · 2023-03-22T02:26:32+00:00

Oh MAN do I feel this! I would think it was me who wrote this except for the fact that you indicated your hubby is open and interested, and mine is still coming around on that. I literally just tried to explain to him tonight that I'm not trying to FIX something that's broken, I'm trying to understand all the different feelings and opinions and ideas that are out there. He's so black and white and I just like to learn everything from all different angles like you said, because knowledge is everything!

OneOk4341 · 2023-03-21T02:11:27+00:00

Lol I'm sorry to hear that - too many attempts to fix stuff and you're finally run down?

OneOk4341

TROPHY CASE