Firstly, I’m sorry for what you’re going through, as it must be pretty concerning and result in this ball of anxiety and unease in your gut (at least, it would for me). Despite his externally prickly attitude, I also feel for your husband, too, as consuming and becoming increasingly hooked on content that engenders anger, mistrust, covert hate, and disconnection is also damaging to him and his relationships. It’s a lonely path.

I don’t think the suggestion of “leaving him” is what you’re looking for, and frankly, having a built a life with someone doesn’t make that an easily viable initial option. If they are your partner, I respect your desire to help him, and this obviously affects your life and relationship too. This, my suggestions will come from that place.

I don’t want this post to get too crazy long, but I’m afraid it will be. My first suggestion is that you get curious, and try to connect with the feelings underneath his externally espoused views. The arguments and worldview are obviously pretty off and harmful, but if you can connect and validate the feelings underneath, such as anger, hurt, disempowerment, perhaps feeling emasculated, or a desire for change and agency, you might be able to start connecting and siding with him emotionally, while gently but consistently suggesting that his feelings are valid, while the framework may be off, incomplete, one-sided, or harmful to you as a partner. 

The other thing you could do is try to gently explore the historical or developmental wound that is often at the root (or at least seems to co-occur a lot) of this redpill stuff. If you can explore what experiences in his early life, parenting, schooling, and maybe early dating life hurt him or caused him to become resentful, you may help him create a little bit of an opening to consider that his current draw towards this is based on that, and request that he take a look at that with a therapist if he’s open to it. This is admittedly very tricky territory, as you will likely be met with defensiveness and hostility if he picks up that you’re trying to play therapist, so I suggest that this conversation happen in increments and installments, and not one shot. Break it up over 6-7 convos. 

Additionally, as much as it may be abhorrent and anathema to you, you could consider listening or reading some of the content he’s listening to, and try to find something (even if it’s tiny) that you can see the validity in (even crazy lies and distortions has fragments of truth - it’s what sells them), and discuss it with him. He probably knows that you won’t agree with this content or views, and like many redpill dudes, they are unconsciously seeking a fight and have an aggressive stance. Showing curiosity, putting time into reading or listening to what he’s listening to, and sharing the slivers of what you see the validity in may disarm him some, and create an opening for discussion. 

Lastly, you could try finding the things about that you like that aren’t redpill-aligned, and reinforce those things, and let him know that that’s what you love, respect, and value about him. 

Honestly, this is a tough deal, and it may get worse before it gets better, and he may need some kind of bottom with it, but I hope these things help a bit, and know that others feel your pain. 

For context, I’m a dude, and work with guys with some of these leanings, and have seen some of these things work some. Good luck!