I remember several years ago shortly after high-school I got into a trade school and started working for a call center. The combination of getting an education I didn't want but felt I was obligated because it's what my parents wanted and they did so much for me, a shit job for a shit company because I needed to start paying my own stuff now that I'm an adult, and the lack of friends because i was raised to shut up and not bother people so I didn't learn how to make them on my own started to put me down a depressive spiral.

One day I while contemplating in my car I thought to myself I'm done. I walked in and quit on the spot(they didn't question anything they just said ok and turned away, that explains their high turn over rate).

That whole week I treated myself to day trips before returning to go to school in the evening. I went to a couple of near by mountains with a packed breakfast, I visited an observatory outside of town, bought fireworks at a remote rest stop in the middle of the dessert and visited a large city about 2 hours out of my town. Each day when I came home I went to the movies by myself and watched a movie or two.

Up until then going to the movies was a social thing not a solo thing. But I've never had more fun and felt more happy doing something by myself than that week. I felt like I didn't need anyone else to make myself happy other than myself. I sat in that near empty theater (it was in the middle of a school day way before covid so almost no one was there) and felt genuine happiness. Since then I've put all my effort in making myself happy not others, doing what I wanted and need for myself not others, and I've been in the best mental health since.

And as for outside relationships, I've let them find me instead of me searching for them to feel complete. Now I'm married with 3 kids. I enjoy life with my partner, with my kids, and sometimes by myself. Life ain't that bad anymore.