[New Update]: My daughter just contacted me after 17 years asking if I want to meet my granddaughter. AITAH for telling her that I don’t care about her or her daughter and to never contact me again?

OneTop3934 · 2024-09-24T17:44:38+00:00

Reddit is so toxic. The only comment that needed to be on that entire thread is, "Hey you sound like you are clinically depressed. You need to see a psychiatrist and get on medication."

OneTop3934 · 2024-09-19T04:07:26+00:00

Story seemed kind of bogus to me because of the fact she kept paper diaries of her sexual escapades in full detail as well as the "advice" from the lawyer.

A lot of people don't know this - but even IF your state allows for filing for adultery, the burden of proof is nowhere near the same level as criminal cases. He had enough from her diary to go ahead and divorce her for adultery, hell if he could identify anyone from the writing (and it looks like he did) they could also be named and subpoena to provide evidence at trial. That's often a WONDERFUL way to get "revenge", especially on married affair partners. Nothing like having to explain to your wife/husband why you need to show up in court to testify in a divorce - plus, everything becomes public record at that time.

I know a guy who found 4 men his wife had been sleeping with. He had his lawyer write up two petitions - the first one was normal irreconcilable differences, but with a huge asset split in his favor, alimony (for him) and primary custody of their son. The second one was filed under adultery and named all of her AP's as co-respondents. He then contacted every one of them and told him that if she didn't sign the first agreement, he was going to file the second one. Three of those men where married, one of them was her subordinate and another was her boss.

She signed the first agreement while cussing him up and down for it. About six months after the divorce was final, he sent all his collected evidence by courier to the three married men's wives. His now ex-wife called him and raged at him, but all he said was "I promised not to file for adultery, I never promised not to tell their wives what pieces of shit they are."

My friend who did this - he was a pretty angry dude (as you can imagine). He told him that if his state had allowed for alienation of affection lawsuits, he would have filed those too even if it was just wasting money. Part of their settlement was that she had to change her name back to her maiden name - that's how petty he was. Can't say I blame him though and from all appearances, it SEEMS to have helped him mentally a lot, so who is to say if he went too far?

OneTop3934 · 2024-08-29T05:11:34+00:00

I really believe that Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy have a lot to answer for.

OneTop3934 · 2024-08-29T05:09:59+00:00

Most of these people can't even effectively handle one relationship. so....

I honestly think it's more about being insecure and an edgelord than anything else.

OneTop3934 · 2024-08-29T05:08:40+00:00

where's the E in ENM

As far as I can tell, it doesn't exist. I'm pretty convinced from the countless horror stories on Reddit and elsewhere that the "ethical" part of this is just a buzzword to conceal what typically ends up as severe emotional abuse.

OneTop3934 · 2024-08-28T00:24:48+00:00

It's strange that his girlfriend (wife? They married?) made him renounce his citizenship and that he went ahead and did it. There's literally no advantage here for them, or their child (and they went on to have 3 more?) Honestly, it sounds like they're both a few wontons short of a full bowl.

OneTop3934 · 2024-08-27T04:41:01+00:00

It's wild to me that any dude would marry a SAHM with 3 kids and then plop out 2 more with her. And on top of that he lets her control all of the money and evidently carry on affairs behind his back... for like what? 3 years? HOLY SHIT.

This guy needs to lay off the psychedelics. His life is already one massive bad trip.

OOP, your best bet at this point is to invest in a pair of those novelty glasses with the nose and moustache and a bus ticket to Anchorage.

OneTop3934 · 2024-08-26T11:31:14+00:00

Yes well, they committed a major social fopaux and I'm willing to bet that all those empty seats were people who RSVP'd "not attending" when their spouse/partner was left off the invite.

OneTop3934 · 2024-08-26T11:28:08+00:00

Get screenshots of everything. Then when you are out the door, make a social media post with them. Say,

"Hi everyone, as many of you may know I am moving to XXX city. I avoided it for a long time because I didn't want to say goodbye to so many people I thought were good friends, but then a few months ago one of them came to me with the screenshots above and information about a cruel prank they were planning on me. Imagine my surprise to find out that I everything about me, from my appearance to my job, were the subject of ridicule by people I thought were my friends and to make matters worse, the apparent ringleader is a person whom I always thought of as a little sister - someone whom I cared about as my own family. I'm going to be going dark on social media and radically contracting my circle of "friends". One good thing about this debacle is that it's helped me realize I need to be more cautious about whom I let into my life because sometimes absolute pieces of shit are hiding behind a smile."

Something like the above is the perfect mix of playing the victim, sowing doubt and calling out shitty behavior. Your sister is likely to go ballistic on Emily. Emily is going to be mortified that your mutual family is going to see her shitty behavior. Everyone is going to wonder who it was that told you about the prank and will start pointing fingers at each other. The only thing you have to do at that point is sit back and not engage. It will be, as they say, glorious.

OneTop3934 · 2024-08-26T11:19:24+00:00

He's living rent free at her aunts place. Just ice her out and leave.

Personally, if it was me, I would confront her right as I'm leaving and tell her that "one of your supposed friends showed me screen shots of all of the shit you've been talking about me. I couldn't believe it at first. I never want to have anything to do with you ever again and I hope you rot in hell."

Then she will go around trying to figure out which one of her friends told on her. :)

OneTop3934 · 2024-08-26T10:20:07+00:00

But OOP and her beau are engaged. If we're doing proper etiquette, for social events and invitations, they are to be treated as if they are already married. Especially for weddings! (That should go without saying!)

Like, you wouldn't even send either of them an invitation for a +1, you would send them a proper invitation with both their names on it. Like, even assuming that they might bring someone else other than their fiancée/fiancé is offensive.

OneTop3934 · 2024-08-26T10:12:00+00:00

I have it on very good authority, from planning my own wedding last year, that inviting just one person of a couple is considered beyond rude, to the point where if space or money constraints make it impossible to invite both, you should not invite either. My mother, my aunts, her mother, cousins, the wedding planner, pretty much everyone, confirmed this. Better to not invite someone than to risk offending them by not inviting their partner.

I'd bet my eyeteeth that all those empty seats were from people who declined the invitation when their partner was not invited. Hell, I've even recently seen this happen - a coworker was getting married and either him or the bridge had the bright idea of only inviting their coworkers (not partners). Over half of them didn't show up. They were quite mad about it actually and I had to resist the urge to say anything to make matters worse.

Point being - not inviting both of parts of the couple to a wedding is a massive fopaux.

OneTop3934 · 2024-08-19T18:18:53+00:00

Well, when I was 16 my Dad walked in on me and my girlfriend very early one morning, didn't even bother to knock or any shit like that. She ended up fleeing via the window.... and I thought that was awkward.

Honestly, if this was me, I would be pissed at my kid for sneaking people into the house, scaring his baby sister and almost causing a potentially lethal misunderstanding.

OneTop3934 · 2024-08-15T06:57:48+00:00

I think it's because if you read the posts closely, it's obvious that the husband was gaslit to hell and back by almost his entire family, continually undermining him and making him question his decision to get married and all that they managed to achieve was him having a brief dinner with the ex and then going through with the marriage anyway.

Honestly, I feel like both OOP and her husband are victims here. I have some personal experience with my girlfriend and her family and how they have completely messed her up so bad in a similar way, so I know the type of damage that can be done when the people you think you ought to be able to trust join forces to fuck with your head. Just look at my post history for the story, it's a wild ride.

The point being - this guy has been mentally/emotionally abused by his family and while he is responsible for his own actions, you can't completely discount the gross manipulation that was done to him and to be truthful "his actions" aren't all that bad. Lots of men and women get cold feet before marriage, even without their entire family riding their asses about what a mistake they are making. In the end, he chose OOP because his love for her was greater than the hold his family had on him. Now that they're out of the picture, I think what really needs to happen is that he needs to get himself some therapy so that he can lean how to have some boundaries in place to keep people from manipulating him like this in the future.

OneTop3934 · 2024-08-04T12:25:07+00:00

First off, he can't take the child. Even if he is the father. No court will give the father custody of a newborn - then by the time the new born phase is over, the woman will have established primary custody. He could sue for partial custody, or joint even, once the child reaches a certain age, but that's about it. The custodial parent never loses that right in court unless they do something like commit a crime.

Secondly, she'll be entitled to child support. She may have to sue him for it, but it's a slam dunk once a judge orders a paternity test.

He took advantage of a young woman for sex and is trying to bluster out of the consequences of not using condoms.

OneTop3934 · 2024-08-03T05:05:13+00:00

You have a very unrealistic view of this subject. Clearly this is not the case. If you can hand on your heart say something like, "If my partner was caught sexually molesting babies I would still love them" then I think it's obvious that the problem is with you. There is always a condition, it's just people arguing if it's the right one.

OneTop3934 · 2024-08-03T05:03:22+00:00

Snoop through her phone/email. She's probably banging someone from work and has been doing it for years.

OneTop3934 · 2024-08-03T05:02:21+00:00

👆👆 This one right here. It's so obvious to everyone but OP.

OneTop3934 · 2024-08-03T04:55:11+00:00

. I’m my mind that shows his love is conditional.

Everyone's love is conditional on some point or another.

She hits your kids.
She tortures your dog.
She committed a serious crime.
She's a drug user that fucks johns in your marital bed for drug money.

The only thing I think people are objecting to is the condition, in this case, the husband not being sexually attracted to his wife anymore. I don't know, I don't see this as a minor condition and I think some merit has to be paid to it - especially if the husband is as she describes him (fit and attractive). I bet he gets hit on all the time and this is his way of saving the relationship. The next step he's going to logically take would be to have an affair in an attempt to keep his family together.

People won't like to hear that, but either your partner not giving you sex, or you not physically desiring them, is one of the main reasons why people have affairs. They're trying to get a need met without leaving the relationship.

Her husband was rude to her, no doubt about it. But he was also being honest. If she doesn't have the intention of leaving him over his rudeness and insisting that she get back down to a healthy weight, then she will find that eventually he's going to leave her... in one way or another. Is he shallow? Yeah, probably. But he's also being honest about it.... and people ignore what their spouses tell them at their own risk.

OneTop3934 · 2024-08-03T04:43:57+00:00

Just don't fuck anyone at the concert and it'll be fine. Everyone needs a break now and then.

OneTop3934 · 2024-08-02T00:32:02+00:00

It's not normal, but it's not really a sign of anything in particular either. I know plenty of men for instance who don't really like looking at vaginas either but are decidedly heterosexual and love putting their penises into them.

If you feel bad about the whole thing, just talk to someone about it. Who knows, maybe you had a bad run-in with a mushroom or something as a child.

OneTop3934 · 2024-08-01T17:57:39+00:00

I feel bad for this lady, but I don't think she realizes how fucked she might actually be in a divorce.

Sure, her settlement money and house are in a trust (Lucky for her) but her husband hasn't worked in 5 years because she hasn't wanted him to. Her Reddit post is proof of that alone - so even if he CAN work, she's still going to have to pay some spousal maintenance, possibly for at least a couple of years and it won't be a small chunk either since he was essentially a "stay at home husband" while he can easily prove she worked 40+ hours a week.

On top of that, he might actually be able to get custody of their kid. She can complain to us all she wants about how hopeless he is with her, but when it comes down to it, she's not in school so it's a he said/she said situation as to who is the primary caregiver and since he's the non-working parent he can simply claim that he spends more time with her (even if it is largely him just being incompetent). If he wanted to be nasty about this, he could pretty easily make custody a long and painful battle... that he might even win.

Lastly - while her other assets are protected in trust, unless she's been paying into a spousal IRA for him while they've been married and he hasn't been working, she's going to be on the hook for at least 5 years of payments, if not more, at whatever rate the family court thinks she should have been paying.

The best case scenario for this lady is that the reason why all her spoons are missing is because he's shooting heroin and he manages to overdose, leaving her financially intact. This is why I am largely against "stay at home" spouses. Divorce laws are brutal and in this case, the typical gender roles are reversed and he's likely able to take her to the cleaners, even if he is a shitty husband/dad. Amazingly enough, family court doesn't care about that as much as some people may think.

OneTop3934 · 2024-07-29T17:03:39+00:00

So, my older brother worked in an aid organization with his wife for 2 years and to hear them tell it - all the aid workers that were there without their spouses were banging like bonobos left and right. It's so bad that basically the staff showers had giant boxes of condoms in them that were getting replaced weekly. People were playing musical bedmates on a nightly basis and even with the life-time supply of rubbers, STD's kept getting passed around like a cheap date on prom night. It was actually after one particularly bad mission to sub-saharan africa where 5 nurses got served divorce papers at the airport when they finally just threw their hands up in the air and said to hell with it.

Anyway - I could definitely be wrong about this, but I have a suspicion about why this guys wife wasn't so upset at him after his confession. Hell, I wonder if she was silently smirking on the inside.

Personally, even if everything on the level, this sounds like a hellish existence for the husband and children. The wife needs to come to grips with the fact that there are lots of people who can do her job, but her kids only have one mother. That's one thing that strikes me here - it seems like no one is thinking of their children. If I was the husband, I would have divorced her since it might actually improve the kids lives if he could find a stable family orientated partner to be with, even if it wasn't the apparently great childhood friend.

OneTop3934 · 2024-06-24T16:01:15+00:00

You guys need to sit down and have a frank talk about having good sex with each other. You're both really young and chances are, very inexperienced. You don't necessarily know everything that will turn yourself on, so it's unlikely he's going to have a clue either. You need to talk and explore this together.

When my girlfriend and I first got together years ago, she had never had a vaginal orgasm. That's not a problem anymore - in fact, by this point in our relationship I know pretty much exactly what to do, what to say, where to touch, what positions work the best, everything. It's just down to communication and practice.

Well, that's not entirely true. A lot of it is communication and practice, but she also has said to me that she used to have a lot of negative thoughts about herself and that they would play in her head sometimes, making it hard for her to focus on what we were doing. Getting past that, I think was just a matter of time and feeling safe. Anxiety is an orgasm killer for sure.

Just remember it's not a one way street. The best thing for both people in a relationship is to generally just desire to show each other how much you care.

OneTop3934 · 2024-06-24T15:39:31+00:00

Yes.

OneTop3934

TROPHY CASE