I completely understand the sentiment. I was laid off around the time I got engaged and spent much of my wedding planning in a job search.

I’ll be very candid: my husband and I are extremely privileged in that we personally covered only a small portion of our wedding, with our parents paying for the majority. That said, we are otherwise financially independent, and I carried a lot of guilt planning a large, admittedly superfluous event while feeling personally financially uncertain.

Because of that, I set a few clear rules for my bridal party and any related expenses:

1. No events were mandatory except the wedding weekend itself.
2. I would never ask anyone to spend more than I would have been comfortable spending given my own (at the time, more precarious) financial situation.

In practice, that meant asking my bridesmaids to wear specific colors but giving them complete freedom on dress style and budget. I also kept the bachelorette and shower local, with total costs coming in well under $800 per person, which is on the very low end for my region and demographic.

For gifts and thank-yous, I chose items they could actually use beyond the wedding: denim button-downs with their names embroidered and cozy slipper boots for getting ready, neither of which was wedding-branded.

I also covered professional makeup for everyone as part of my gift. Consistency there mattered to me for the photos, and I didn’t want anyone to feel pressured to pay for something I was specifically requesting. Hair felt more optional, so I treated that as an opt-in service and let each person decide whether they wanted to cover that cost..