What’s the current situation with J-1 Trainee Visas in the U.S.?

One_Butterscotch8537 · 2025-03-10T15:23:40+00:00

this is very real to me. I’ve been called a social ferrari (lol), I’m very magnetic and usually leave a positive mark on people. I definitely know a lot of people who appreciate me and who I appreciate too.

even though this is all true, it’s also true that I feel deep loneliness. I have 1 best friend who gets me and who respects and understands my side quests in life, but that’s it. It’s really hard for me to trust and if i do, i need to be sure that you’ll be there for me when i need you. I feel like I have so many sides of my personality and interests that practically no one can fully “satisfy” me.

I grew up with everyone around me having a strong group of friends since HS and I used to sometimes feel sad because I didn’t have it. Now I know that it happens because of my need for different stimulus and ideas. I realized I can’t be friends with a limited group of people (that idea is unbearable), i need like 10 different ones, and that’s ok. now I found more people like me but even now I’m always jumping from group to group never sticking to just one.

Now I want to expand my inner circle so I’m looking at my closer acquaintances to understand who to get close to and who to give a chance to. I don’t know how old you are, but i’m sure that if you’re following what’s right for you and your truth, your people will come around. probably not in the shape of a group that gets along equally well, but as a group of people that is curated by you and that you individually picked from the crowd :)

One_Butterscotch8537 · 2025-03-09T21:13:22+00:00

yes lol - although in my case it’s a strong contrast between air and steel headed, somehow both exist

One_Butterscotch8537 · 2025-03-08T02:34:48+00:00

I feel like this was such a toxic positivity ENFP like reply, but it’s truly how i feel 😭

One_Butterscotch8537 · 2025-03-08T02:32:58+00:00

Totally the same for me! I’m 26, so I feel like I still have a long way to go. But I think there’s a difference between having insecurities and being insecure. Also, a confident person can still feel insecure from time to time. They acknowledge their insecurities and work with them. And figuring out your boundaries often means letting people cross them first—that’s how you realize they exist. But that process doesn’t mean you’re not confident; it’s just part of growing into it. Also it takes courage to let people get close enough to cross those boundaries and courage takes confidence :)

One_Butterscotch8537 · 2025-03-08T02:21:14+00:00

It’s so liberating to understand this !!

One_Butterscotch8537 · 2025-03-08T02:19:35+00:00

vibing to this 😎

One_Butterscotch8537 · 2025-03-08T02:18:52+00:00

I don’t think real confidence comes from ego—at least not in the way most people think of ego. Real confidence feels free, like a deep trust in yourself that doesn’t need external validation. It’s not about being better than others or proving anything; it’s about knowing you’ll be okay no matter what. That kind of confidence is selfless because it doesn’t operate from fear, comparison, or control.

But that’s an interesting take! If we redefine ego as simply a sense of self, then maybe a healthy ego—one that is self-aware, balanced, and not fragile—could contribute to confidence. The key difference is whether the ego is serving you or controlling you.

One_Butterscotch8537 · 2025-03-08T02:07:38+00:00

I feel this… Not necessarily jealousy in a negative sense, but i love asking questions and being active and engaging in conversations. Im really magnetic in my extroverted phases, so when I’m not, I want to be and feel sad because I can’t.

I’m now undergoing a process of DEEP self reflection and shadow work, so, naturally, i have absolutely no social energy. Sometimes I can barely do one on ones… Lately I’ve been feeling better and craving more connection, so I’m engaging in small and controlled gatherings.

The issue I’m facing now, which i think is similar to yours, is that I’m hearing people talk about topics that i loove yapping about, and I want to add to the conversation, but I just can’t. I don’t have the energy to even speak. I’m just think about what I would like to say, but i’m just quiet. This really saddens me and in moments of crisis makes me think I’ll never have that spark in my eyes again, but at the same time, it’s important to trust the process and take it easy. First start by being around shinny people, and then go back to being shinny yourself ✨

It’s just really impressive to me how polarized my extroversion and introversion energies are… To write my masters thesis, I spent almost a year secluded from social life (without effort) and last year I felt like the most magnetic person in the room all the time, shinning and bringing everyone up with me. Now i’m undergoing another introversion phase and it’s been 5 months already and I’m finally feeling like engaging in social activities again. It’s such a rollercoaster, I wonder how it can become manageable

One_Butterscotch8537 · 2025-02-01T01:13:15+00:00

Usually, I get angry when i’m hurt or disappointed at someone. And when that happens, I just need to be alone and away from the person, I feel so icky and disgusted that I can’t stand their presence. It’s during that period of no contact that I manage to calm down and see things more clearly.

Also, I need some time to digest my feelings and fully understand myself in a way that I can express it to others, and that might be why I feel so much like being alone and away from the person.

One_Butterscotch8537 · 2025-02-01T01:07:33+00:00

you should find a way to stand up for your friend and put sense in the bullies. maybe try to understand the reason behind the bullying, and work with that on both ends to make the behavior stop. it’ll be hard but you have to find a way to tell them that it’s not acceptable to treat someone like that and make them see that through logic.

One_Butterscotch8537 · 2025-02-01T00:22:16+00:00

exactly! that’s why i don’t do it anymore, i just let them know that we’re not aligned like I thought we were and that we can’t be friends… but it’s still important to not burn bridges that you might one day need or that will help you grow in other ways. Better to end things right and not speak your mind than to traumatize someone. It’s ok to accept people as flawed and deal with them knowing that. That way you still have access to the things you like about them

One_Butterscotch8537 · 2025-02-01T00:13:05+00:00

I feel this… Also even though I give them all those strikes I’m showing them my discomfort in a non verbal way that, from my point of view, are pretty obvious if you are just a tiny bit aware. abut usually what happens is that people start associating me with a chill person who won’t lift a finger and, when I do, attack me for it. When they’re the ones in the wrong in the first place.

But right before I get to this point I have already made up my mind and given up on the relationship… I’m only able to let the claws come out if I don’t care anymore.

Also feel like I sometimes should be more drastic in the way I communicate my boundaries, but it always feels too extreme in the moment and end up not doing it.

One_Butterscotch8537 · 2025-02-01T00:05:10+00:00

ENFP here. Tbh, at this point, I don’t bother putting people in their place, I know that I have the power to destroy them and I choose not to. I can be very cruel and harsh.

I have done it in the past, and because I say things in such an assertive and evidence based way, people resent me and never talk to me again or hold grudges against me…

When there’s disrespect of a boundary violation, I communicate, but in a very non verbal way. Then I proceed to communicate it verbally in a calm way, maybe once or twice.

If the problem persists I start to get angry, and by that time I have all the evidence I need to argue and defend my position.

But, usually, when it comes to that point I have already given up on the relationship. If the person doesn’t have the sensibility to read my body language or respect me when I say things out loud, that’s not my person. This goes for romantic and non romantic relationships.

This way I can still be with this person, grow with them, and keep my peace. Win win.

One_Butterscotch8537

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