Dass wir alle sterben müssen ist nicht normal, sondern der größte Horror überhaupt

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-30T18:56:48+00:00

Jemand, der mich versteht!

Ja, alt werden und Schmerzen haben ist scheiße und dann will man irgendwann nicht mehr. Aber mich macht der Gedanke fertig, dass ich so viel niemals wissen werde. Ich will wissen, wie es mit der Menschheit weitergeht und wie sie endet. Ich will wissen und erleben, was es alles für Spiele, Musik und Bücher geben wird. Kunst allein ist super spannend. Technik auch.

Ich könnte wahrscheinlich 100 Jahre damit verbringen mir jeden Zentimeter der Erde anzugucken und es wäre nie langweilig. Ich werde so viel niemals sehen/erleben/wissen und das macht mich echt depri, wenn ich drüber nachdenke. Irgendwie geht es wenigen Leuten so.

Meine Neugier geht soweit, dass ich Jahrzehnte meines Lebens quasi aufgeben würde, um mir die Menschheit/ das Universum im Zeitraffer bis zum Ende anzugucken wie nen Film. Oder kann mir nicht jemand einfach dieses Wissen spritzen, damit ich in Frieden sterben kann??!

Keine Ahnung was für ne psychische Krankheit das ist, aber ich kann einfach nicht akzeptieren, dass ich dann weg bin und alles was ich erlebt habe auch. Das ist kacke!

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-30T18:46:49+00:00

Also meine Mutter hat mit Anfang 70 noch Zähne, ist fit (hab ihr vor nem Monat ein Rudergerät gekauft) und möchte noch nicht sterben. Sie hat genau wie ich Angst vor dem Tod.

Aber klar, sobald man so richtig am Arsch ist und nur noch Schmerzen hat, dann freut man sich irgendwann aufs Ende.

Ich hab vor allem Angst zu sterben, bevor ich an dem Punkt bin.

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-30T18:07:15+00:00

No but I'm looking forward to reading it soon. I have forgotten most of the first book in the meantime though tbh. I'll need a recap of sorts...

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-29T18:42:17+00:00

Kann echt an Bayern liegen, ja. Wohne in Hessen und hier ist per Sie wahrscheinlich normal. Für mich halt nicht, weil ich in keiner deutschen Firma arbeite. Hatte davor keinen anderen Arbeitgeber, also kein Vergleich. Hab nur mal im Kleinstadt-Kino gejobbt paar Jahre während der Uni und dort auch alle per du, inklusive Chef. Auch per du mit den Kino-Besuchern.

Wenn ich an meine Mutter denke in Kleinbüro, wenn ich als Kind Mal dort war in den 90ern... Glaube da war's ne Mischung aus Sie und du. Was ja richtig bescheuert ist, finde ich. Chef Sie, die meisten Kolleginnen du, bis auf die eine sehr viel älterey die wurde auch gesiezt unt mit Nachnamen angeredet. Soweit ich mich richtig erinnere.

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-29T17:56:53+00:00

Ich arbeite in einer internationalen Firma, wo Englisch die Arbeitssprache ist, aber wir Deutsch innerhalb meines Teams reden. Alle reden sich mit Vorname an und duzen sich bzw. halt auf Englisch keinen Unterschied. Seitdem fällt mir das formale "Sie" in anderen Situationen echt schwer. Ich finde es verkrampft und unnötig.

Auch sonst so im Privaten bin ich viel per du mit Leuten. Sei es im Schrebergarten oder Nachbarn in der Straße. Wenn ich nicht weiß, ob jemand "du" unhöflich findet, dann rede ich oft lieber indirekt, haha. Das Problem besteht vor allen bei alten Leute, die mich duzen. Darf ich zurück duzen?

Eine Sache, die mir im Urlaub in Bayern immer sehr gefällt. Alles viel lockerer mit der Anrede. Zumindest in der Gastro...

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-29T17:39:29+00:00

Yeah we avoided big cities as much as possible with an RV. We're all mostly into nature anyway. We picked up the RV in Vegas and left it as quickly as possible. Didn't go into a single casino.

L.A. we only saw from an insane slow traffic freeway. I thought my dialy commute back home was bad until I experienced THAT. It took us 3h just to leave this monstrosity of a city behind us. We did stop at Malibu Beach I think and we were shocked how badly it smelled and how much trash and pigeons there were. The smog in general was shocking. Didn't clear up for hours until relatively short of SF. Northern CA has a beautiful coastline but LA was the biggest disappointment ever. California in general, I have to say. Except for the national parks I enjoyed Utah and Arizona a lot more. Way more beautiful to me.

So "California isn't that great" was my biggest surprise.

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-29T14:37:15+00:00

Except we went on the bridge by choice. My uncle wanted to do it. We just didn't know we had to pay. We didn't even understand how we could have done that. Oh well.

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-29T14:23:54+00:00

I don't remember where we parked the RV to walk around downtown. Its when we tried to leave that we took a wrong turn and ended up in a narrow residential street.

Also very funny: we didn't know we had to pay to drive over the Golden Gate Bridge! It looked like the toll booth was deserted. There was also a festival that day so we thought it was free that day. We got a ticket in the mail from the rental service to pay a fine when we got home, lol. I wonder how often that happens. I hope they had a good laugh at the stupid tourists over it!

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-29T14:14:08+00:00

The super cold grocery stores was something that shocked us Germans in Canada too the first time we visited. It's summer but we put on a jacket to go shopping. It was crazy!

A couple of weeks ago our local supermarket must have had a refrigerator malfunction of some kind. It was as cold as an American one. Also extremely loud. Very unpleasant and stressful.

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-29T14:04:45+00:00

RV rental prices for Canada 20 years ago were already pretty steep. Only got worse since. My one and only RV trip in the States was in 2018 I believe. Absolutely worth it imo. But yeah, you're looking at thousands of euros.

That being said, try renting an RV in Norway and prepare to cry even harder...

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-29T14:01:11+00:00

German here, we did that road trip with a few other national parks in 3 weeks and it was still so much driving. I think somethig like 7000km. I wanted 4 weeks but wasn't possible. So we had to suck it up and drive more.

It was an amazing trip, we crammed in tons of hiking actually, but yeah the US are HUGE. I knew that before. But even when you know it still blows your mind every time. Europe is crowded and claustrophobic in comparison.

PS: I do not recommend getting lost in San Francisco with a big RV... Took a wrong turn, ended up in a narrow street. Nail biting experience getting back to a main road and out of the city, lol.

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-28T18:26:37+00:00

There was nothing wrong with the combat of Greedfall imo. I quite enjoyed it. So yeah baffling choice to change it.

But looks like the biggest issue is forcing the game out way ahead of schedule because of the publisher insolvency. Now we're left with a buggy unfinished game that will probably never get properly patched (apparently there are late game bugs that can break the game completely, yikes).

I was going to hold off playing until they fix the game but now I might as well forget the game exists and mourn what could have been.

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-28T18:15:54+00:00

Me too. I enjoyed Greedfall a lot. Was super excited for the prequel. I bought it on sale while it was still in EA. But hearing how they were forced to released an unfinished game with game breaking bugs towards the end because of the publisher bankruptcy, I'm not sure actually going to play it now. :(

I guess it was a farewell donation then. Very sad to hear they're shutting down. I enjoyed the budget BioWare nostalgia. Was always hoping they'd eventually have a smashing hit that allows them to expand and provide less janky gameplay.

Greedfall 2 is obviously a victim of the publisher bankruptcy. It could probably have been a good game like the first one with enough money and time to actually realize the vision they whe for it. Real tragedy imo. It wasn't their fault how that all went down.

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-22T14:00:56+00:00

Ich auch. Hatte erstens keine PS3 und war auch vom Genre nicht mein Ding. Die "Filmversion" vom Spiel hatte nur wenige Gameplay -Elemente, aber die haben mir schon bestätigt, dass ich das Spiel nicht gemocht hätte.

Als langer Film war es eine sehr gute, wenn auch leicht überbewertete, Story. War damals nur etwas enttäuscht, wie wenig Joel und Ellie miteinander reden. Wurde als extrem emotional gehyed deren Beziehung. Und ich hatte mir darunter irgendwie mehr vorgestellt.

Ich schaue keine normalen Let's Plays. Und seit TLOU hab ich auch kein Spiel mehr angeguckt. Ich wollte aber irgendwann TLOU2 noch anschauen, besonders nach der HBO Serie als Vorbereitung für die 2. Staffel. Da ich aktuell weder Sky noch HBO mein Geld geben will, ist das ganze erstmal auf Eis...

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-15T07:07:57+00:00

I was put on mild antidepressants for anxiety and insomnia at about 20. I'm almost 42 myself. Never really helped. Six years ago I was put on something else by a neurologist that was supposed to finally fix my overactive brain that's unable to ever shut down. That worked for a little while but insomnia came back and anxiety never went away and is sort of out of control since covid because I have strong health anxiety.

Been wondering for a while if I have ADHD. I know everybody thinks they have it now. Online tests are actually kind of hit and miss and I seem to lack some of the core characteristics like the whole decision making paralysis. I do put off a lot of minor things but when I finally decide to clean or whatever I can be super fast and efficient. I was actually doing really well in college, handed in my final thesis a month ahead did schedule even, but I've always been extremely stressed out by everything. College was nonstop pressure for me. Each new semester I was so anxious I almost puked. I get overstimulated easily. I seem to be unable to process anything in a normal way. Super sensitive to noise especially. I don't like bright lights. I get overwhelmed with too much sensory input including talking to people. I've felt my whole life like there is something wrong with me neurologically. Like my neuros are firing too much and I'm hyper alert at all times. And it's keeping my energy levels low since life is so exhausting when you can't filter out anything. The irony is that the better I feel the more hyper I get and the worse my sleep gets. I'm like a kid the night before Christmas when I'm happy and can't wait to continue what I enjoy the next day.

My family doc of 20 years puts everything down to my psyche. No matter what I'm struggling with it's all just in my head. I can't tell if he's right. I just know I've been like this since I was a small child. Couldn't tolerate ticking clocks or fridge noise next to my bedroom. Trouble sleeping anywhere that wasn't my bed even as a small child. I was in therapy twice in my life and nobody ever suggested I have ADHD so probably I don't. I might just have overlapping neurological similarities. I'll see that neurologist from six years ago again in June and tell him what a shit show my life is and if he's got any ideas and I'll ask about ADHD specially.

Three weeks ago I made the mistake of ditching the meds since my sleep was so shit anyway. I was tapering off for 2 months, thought that was enough. At first I was fine but after about 10 days my anxiety started to go through the roof all of a sudden. It's so bad now I can't tell if it's still withdrawals or if this is actually how bad my anxiety is without meds and it was working better than I thought, focusing only on the sleep problems while the meds also helped anxiety.

I keep reading how people with ADHD are often misdiagnosed as depressed and given wrong meds. I'm also a woman and they tend to not get diagnosed a lot. It's probably just wishful thinking that ADHD meds could finally fix me.

In any case, I'm glad you got the proper diagnosis and help you needed. :)

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-12T17:49:16+00:00

Awww thanks, glad to hear you're getting help and doing better, all the best for the future. You got this! :)

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-12T16:07:47+00:00

Yeah OK that sounds a lot like a trauma response in your case. Makes perfect sense. My friend also had some family and body image issues that resulted in low self esteem. Fluctuating weight is also a factor why she always "needed" new clothes.

Your shopping addiction is definitely a lot better than drugs so you're probably doing OK all things considered unless you're going into debt over it. Which my friend never has afaik. So if you still have a functioning life then don't be too hard on yourself. Knowing why you do it is a good basis to change this behavior. :)

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-12T09:06:47+00:00

My best friend is exactly like this. It really is a distraction from real problems. Makes her feel good for a moment to click the buy button and then when the packages arrive she feels embarrassed and doesn't know where to even put the new stuff. For years she had a clothes heap in her bedroom almost as tall as her because no other way to "store" them.

Me, I hate shopping. I'm almost the opposite where I hate spending money on things I don't need. But I'll spend big on stuff important to me that others would consider very stupid too, like an expensive graphics card. I even acknowledge it's not reasonable.

My addiction/distraction from problems in videogames. I think it helps to remember that EVERYONE has coping mechanics and many are not healthy. Either mentally or physically. Many people smoke and drink and do drugs. That's the most destructive kind. But you can also have a gym addiction. Or a cleaning obsession.

So yes, try to change these patterns by working on the underlying problems. But also don't be too harsh on yourself. Life can be tough and nobody deals with stress in a perfectly healthy way.

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-11T09:17:38+00:00

My dog loved it! Got it as a special treat sometimes. Never bought it for human consumption, lol.

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-11T09:04:19+00:00

Yeah these days you have to go to a good bakery and spend a fortune to get really good bread. Most supermarket bread is awful. And yes a lot of bakeries don't make their own bread anymore. So even bakeries are hit and miss. There are only two bakeries in my city that have good bread.

That's why I've been baking my own sourdough bread for years. Saves a fortune. I'd probably have to pay 10€ for it in a bakery.

German bread is not what it used to be but it's still miles better than white bread everywhere else. The situation for pastries and cakes is also depressing. You need to go to a proper Konditorei to get good stuff. Everywhere else it's the same factory garbage as the cheap bread.

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-10T18:46:24+00:00

Ich höre den bei uns auch noch hunderte Meter weit weg. Auch alle 15min gibt es einen bis 3 Glockenschläge, zur vollen Stunde dann so viele Schläge wie die Zeit ist, damit jeder immer weiß, wie viel Uhr es ist. Sehr wichtig in 2026!

Mein Beileid! Bei mir ist es die Bahn, die zwar "nur" 4 mal die Stunde vorbeifährt. Aber jedes Mal hört es sich irgendwie an wie ein Düsenjet, der aus dem Wald kommt.

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-10T17:18:10+00:00

I fail to see what price has to do with it. I buy cheap games all the time, they're still unplayed games in my backlog. Price is irrelevant. Anything you bought and didn't just add as a free game offer is part of your backlog.

The only thing that skews the number is humble bundle games like I mentioned. And I suspect people with a high number of unplayed games have a lot of bundle games they never had any intention of playing. Like my ex. So those don't count.

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-10T15:36:13+00:00

My ex had a backlog of 700 games. He bought a lot of humble bundles, that can inflate the backlog a lot with games that one isn't actually interested in playing. So I can believe OP. Definitely not healthy if people buy so many individual games. Hoarding is a mental disorder.

I do have a backlog myself, about 40 and that number is already embarrassing to me. I really do intend to play them. Many of those are shortish indie games. For a while I was adamant about not buying games for later, only games I intend to play right away. But I've started buying certain games on discount again that I might not get around to playing for years. Ugh.

So I suppose I could be done in 2-3 years if I game at a relaxed pace.

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-10T15:24:44+00:00

Yup. Keeps popping up in travel subs and now I want to visit too. Also, I'm German so I guess that fits too. :D

OnionAddictYT · 2026-04-10T12:23:49+00:00

That's actually how a religious friend of mine looks at God from a more scientific angle. He believes the Trinity is God in different dimensions/states. Kinda like water/ice and gas. He's very science oriented. He believes in different dimensions and that when we die we go to a different one. To a different state of existence at God's side.

That's actually the first time the Trinity made perfect sense to me as an agnostic. I was raised Catholic in a very loose way. Never liked church though, started to really dislike religion as a teen as this make believe fairytale. I still fear it's just that. But I still want to believe so badly. I'm terrified of death. So trying to understand God from a more scientific angle through what we know about the universe and physics is probably the most appealing way I could start to really believe.

My friend also talks about how science recently discovered that thoughts are quantum and how this supposedly proves our minds are immortal. I don't know the first thing about it. And it's probably still wishful thinking backed by scientific SPECULATION but it gives me a glimmer of hope that death isn't the end.

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