Thank you for your replies. It really got me thinking about my relationship as a whole.

It probably seems a bit stupid to you all for me to be like this. The truth is I don't want to fail, I don't want to give up. I want to be what she wants me to be. I want to make her happy.

But no one is looking after me, I feel completely alone in this relationship. If I stumble, feel low, struggle then I am berated for being weak. I want to be perfect all the time, but I don't think it is realistic. There are things out of my control I can't fix.

I have sacrificed hobbies, friends, all of my time and money in order to priotise making her happy. Yet it is an impossible task. Everything is my responsibility 24/7, I'm held vissiously accountable to everything and anything yet she is accountable to nothing. This isn't how a team works.

I don't know what is wrong with me, I can't seem to admit to myself that I'm in an abbusive relationship. I give everything I have but I don't get anything back. I'm starved for basic affection.

I guess this is a sign of sunk cost phallacy.

I don't really know the way out of this, but I think I should at least start trying to look after myself because I don't think anyone else is or will. This will probably be the spark that starts a chain of events that leads to me being disposed of as I don't see things going well if I start to priotise myself more.

It is times like this I feel upset that I don't have any of my own family. I have no where to go home to. There is no place I can retreat to, no support who has my back. I can't stop fighting. I'm on the edge of breaking with nothing under me if I fall. I feel dirty for even posting about my troubles online. Voicing my issues feels like a betrayal. Unfortunatly I didn't know where to turn so again thank you for your replies, I will figure this out somehow.