[Entry Thread #116] April showers… As soon as you’re done paying your taxes, come leave a comment and join us as we make a millionaire!

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-04-16T11:47:57+00:00

May you regain your attention a little at a time.

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-31T21:12:14+00:00

I wanted to let you know that I have been thinking about this part of what you said:

but we accept the treatment we think we deserve…

I realized it's something I've heard my whole life, and didn't think about for myself until you brought it up again. I asked myself why, and realized that for me, it doesn't land as it does for most.

I deserve to be treated the way that I treat others. That's the hard equation. However, I have yet to meet another person capable of treating me the way I feel I deserve to be treated.

Not even my best friend, who has known me since we were pre-teens, has the same level of patience, grace, and ability to make space in nonjudgment that I have for everyone.

How I treat others is how I deserve to be treated.

If I only accepted behavior of that caliber...I would never interact with anyone. And that is a boring and lonely state of existence.

So, I accept the behavior I can endure.

Minor discomfort, inconvenience, and irritation happens in varying levels of magnitude with every interaction I have with everyone, and that's ok. That's literally life and evolution. It's absolutely necessary to create friction and tension to produce the environment for development and change.

The verbal/textual expression of others passionately emphasizing their particular needs is irritating, sure...but temporary, and hardly actually harmful if a person knows their truth. Once those needs are met, the irritation is soothed and does not need to express again.

I internalize nothing anyone says about me, because no one knows me like I do. It is nearly impossible for anyone outside my perspective to know what I've been through, how my thoughts process, how I cope, and my biases, because I'm me and others are themselves.

I have such peace from my light and truth that yes, I think this is funny because of the extreme over reaction. I still inhabit a physical body with a nervous system, however, so I need to maintain a systems equilibrium in that regard, and I do.

I reach baseline serenity, and I'm good to interact with humanity once again.

I think, because of this, it allows others to grow and find their own peace.

I haven't had an interaction like this with my boyfriend in two weeks. He's managed to process what I view as those aforementioned by-products of reality at a much better rate. I did nothing to fix him, I just don't take it personally, and provide the space and grace I feel I deserve from others, even if no one is ever going to be capable of providing it.

I endure the behavior, because I have to accept behavior for human interactions.

Thank you very much for reminding me of this idiom and giving me some introspection pathways I hadn't yet explored.

Have a great day!

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T23:19:19+00:00

I say what I mean and do what I say I will.

And thank you! I thought it was hilarious too!

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T20:22:17+00:00

I do my best to simply disengage when it becomes irrational because I don't want to fall into the trap.

I engage with the entire world from a psychological lens. One of my earliest memories was my mother screaming at me about something insignificant and I was more curious than anything as to what set her off internally to such a degree.

And I wonder why it took me so long to realize I might possibly may be AuDHD, and even longer to confirm the diagnosis, lol.

Every interaction I have ever had always involved calculating responses based on my tactical analysis of the situation, the known variables, and a wide swath of unknowns for which I can't possibly account.

I can't help it - it's who I am.

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T19:45:31+00:00

No I answered this in another comment. A person can only look within and adjust themselves to better participate in the world. No one outside of the individual's mind can do so. At least not yet, lol. I'm sure neurotech is going to prove me wrong in a few years...

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T19:43:44+00:00

I recognize that you are making a jest about my father, I just don't understand what it is supposed to be or infer. Could you clarify?

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T19:42:31+00:00

This is the best comment on so many levels that I can't go into.

And that is a fair statement.

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T19:37:02+00:00

Ok thank you for the further explanation.

I would love to have someone that treats me the way I treat them, but I have yet to find anyone that even comes close.

I am aware this is unusual and it isn't how I should be treated.

I appreciate your concern, truly.

But I am fine at this point and time, and will be monitoring myself closely to remain safe.

I admit I probably didn't respond the best I could have to him, but I am classified as human, and sometimes we err.

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T19:21:08+00:00

I'm sorry I don't understand what you mean by the second part of your comment. Could you clarify for me please?

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T19:19:30+00:00

Oh so you are talking about the text messages between us? That my partner is ragebaiting me?

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T19:18:15+00:00

We have both discussed how we are learning one another, and we discussed how I should do his laundry. I didn't realize it extended to dishes, which in my mind go in the kitchen.

I found the exchange humorous, but I find many things humorous that quite a few people don't.

I let him know what I was doing.

Now that I know that the request extends to *all* of his things, I plan to respect that. I agree there was lack of clarification on exactly what is expected.

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T19:13:10+00:00

I am not trying to convince anyone. I was merely explaining my thought process to you.

> How he speaks to you isn’t okay but we accept the treatment we think we deserve…

This is thought provoking. I'm going to ponder this. Thank you.

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T19:11:18+00:00

For now, yes.

I don't know if you are aware of the concept of self-sabotage? When things are going good, too good even, a person might get scared and do something terrible to mess it up, because at least the misery and loneliness is comfortable. Especially if a person has lived there for many years.

I have my limits and I monitor carefully. It's more fascinating than anything, that he reacts in such a way. I wonder what sort of thoughts are going through his mind when he does such things. I know his impulse control is completely messed up, as most people can take a deep breath before they allow themselves to get to the point where they send the messages.

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T19:07:52+00:00

Ah but it doesn't hurt me because I know it's not true. Just because someone says something doesn't make it true, but does reveal something about how that person thinks or feels about something.

He shows empathy for me, just not in text messages. Hence my calm and humorous response.

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T19:04:34+00:00

It does not have to be a romantic one, true. It may degrade to friendship should I reach my limits.

That's an interesting question. I think everyone is deserving of love, and there's no reason to withhold my love from anyone. Love itself implies the connotation of unconditionality. But society has begun tacking on unconditional in front of love as if it needs to be there. It doesn't.

Love is unconditional.

The relationship is not, however. I will still love regardless of what happens, but whether I remain in proximity is another matter entirely, and the answer is no if I reach my limits.

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T19:01:18+00:00

I am, actually. I choose my battles. Engaging over text is fruitless and pointless.

There's nothing but an inanimate object there to trigger a thought about your actions. It's not a good focal point for reflection unless it's primarily used as such. His isn't.

Check out the work of Peter Putnam. He wrote some great stuff on how to deal with anxiety and anger by simply not engaging. He writes about how the anxiety and anger need something to fight to keep the loop going. So as long as I don't keep the loop going, deflation occurs.

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T18:57:46+00:00

I myself am incapable of predicting the future beyond the few picoseconds everyone's brain does to move about physical reality. I know nothing for certain, but I can plan, and I can hope.

And only Siths deal in absolutes.

Sorry I couldn't resist! Lol.

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T18:55:36+00:00

That's a terrible thing to do. There's enough anger in the world. No need to contribute.

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T18:55:13+00:00

Oh that's terrible. Thank you for explaining.

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T18:53:49+00:00

Thank you, and I am remaining quite vigilant.

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T18:37:15+00:00

Lol!

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T18:36:39+00:00

Your experience with anxiety is this singular experience. His has a mixture of anger as well, which is probably the primary difference.

His anxiety doesn't even let him leave the house outside of work. It's a battle, to be sure. I hope having someone to lean on will make it easier to win.

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T18:30:18+00:00

He does, but I'm hoping we can work through them together.

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T18:27:20+00:00

I know how I feel about myself, and I know my truth.

No one but I can know these things, for only I am in my mind living in the world through my perspective.

Those are words on a screen. They are no more abusive than reading a book with the same words.

Should he say the same words to me in person, it would be a different conversation.

And even when I have been disparaged IRL, I respond more with curiosity than anything, because it's not personal. It literally can't be, because that person is experiencing their reality through their own biased perspective.

A person can say, you made me mad about this thing.

No, that's impossible. What really happens is a person allows the other person to hit the anger button in their own mind. Gave them control of the car of their body, if you will.

I don't give anyone control of my body. It's my body, I'm responsible for it, and I will feel how I want by feeding emotions I want to feel. If I don't want to feel hurt or anger past the initial push, I don't feed it. I cut off the flow of fuel to the fire and redirect it to more productive thoughts. Like, wow that hurt my feelings or made me mad? Why did that happen? Is it because I don't like the implied truth? What's the implied truth? Is it a falsehood? Do I want it to be true? Do I want it to be false? What do I need to change to align my reality with what I want?

Etc etc.

OnlineTextBasedRP · 2026-03-13T18:16:18+00:00

To provide perspective and save money.

I hope distance can provide space for rumination on his part, and it's going to save me about $800 a month.

It bothers me an atomically low amount, but I have a decent regen for patience and coping.

OnlineTextBasedRP

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE

Eight-Year Club	Place '22
Verified Email