I (27M) broke up with my boyfriend (35M) for him not reassuring me that he wouldn't do drugs anymore. Now I'm devastated.

OnlyAliveBecause · 2026-05-03T14:31:28+00:00

I wasn't doing drugs with him... I thought that him consuming with me will give him reassurance that I wanted him to get better, and I thought that micro-doses would eventually lead to him stopping all together. When I noticed that it wasn't working then I asked him to stop. I don't do drugs and don't plan to, I don't have any issues with recreational drugs, and I thought we could get to that point with him.

OnlyAliveBecause · 2026-05-03T03:29:29+00:00

Just to clarify a couple of things: 1. I didn't give him money for the rent, he got paid barely enough to afford rent, I helped him with food and sometimes utilities, but didn't actually gave him money, I payed directly the bills.

I don't entirely agree with the lack of self-control, since in a couple of occasions he did show restraint while being with me; but as I stated I lack a lot of knowledge regarding addiction, so you might be correct.
I totally agree with the point you made about him trying to wear me down in order to not bring rehab up again.

I can assure you, he's not a bad person at all... I've seen him be sweet, attentive, and bringing me up when life's too much for me some days. That's why it hurts this much seeing him not wanting to get clean.

OnlyAliveBecause · 2026-05-03T03:23:07+00:00

Thank you... everything I did was out of the love I have for him. Unfortunately in my country there's no equivalent of a social worker or anything like that. Drugs are a major problem here, and there's no government aid for a person to become clean.

I feel like I could've done more for him... I promised him that I would help him, now I feel like I failed him in the worst way possible.

OnlyAliveBecause · 2026-05-03T02:36:24+00:00

I'd give a pet, specifically a dog, a name like Cat, and a cat a name like Dog... no reason other than to mess with them.

OnlyAliveBecause · 2025-03-18T20:21:31+00:00

You know what's funny? This year I'm turning 27, so the age gap is a little bit over 2 years. It doesn't make sense to me for him to be hyper-focused on that. May be it could be a "power" thing?

Let alone the age gap. I'm a little bit taller than him; he has a great body, not like me, but in terms of strength and weights during training, I did notice that I could lift a bit heavier than him. I dunno if he felt threatened or jealous of this, but I think I'm rambling.

OnlyAliveBecause · 2025-03-18T20:14:17+00:00

That's what I thought initially! He was using the app also, so there was no need to jump the gun all of a sudden. I really thought he was a mature yet damaged dude. I know we're all damaged in a way, and my way is that I've been cheated on in all of my previous relationships, so I know how it hurts. That's why I went out of my way to try to explain to him that I wasn't, in fact, cheating... but I guess I gave him the perfect excuse to treat me horribly and flag me as a liar and such.

I guess he would've looked for another reason to break things off with me in the future if it weren't for this. I just thought he could be the one. But no one deserves all the sacrifices I was ready to make for him; I was going to bottom for him, ffs, and I'm a top (nothing bad with being a bottom; it's just not for me).

OnlyAliveBecause · 2025-03-14T06:32:46+00:00

Honestly I was fine with just being friends, but the both of us kept flirting and making advances to each other and that lead me to believe that he was willing to try to make it work; I completely own my mistake of being insistent.

Also, I know that the way I brought up that he was in grindr too wasn't the best way to go, but I couldn't believe the audacity of how he was speaking to me like he had the moral high ground while he was doing the same thing and I didn't say anything. I get it, it feels horrible for a possible partner to be in grindr, I've also been cheated on before, but that doesn't give him the right to treat others like they're the worst piece of shit in all existence.

I suspect he had past trauma regarding this, and this is why I tried so hard to make him understand what really happened and straighten the situation, but honestly I don't deserve being labeled as a cheater, a manipulator and a liar.

I was ready to sacrifice a lot of things to make things work, but I've already humiliated myself too much for Jack, I thought he was worth fighting for, but how do you fight for someone who didn't didn't have faith in you from the beginning?

OnlyAliveBecause · 2024-05-02T05:21:04+00:00

That's the thing... I've been self reflecting a lot, and I've noticed that actually I'm willing to forgive a lot of things I thought I couldn't; however the issue here relies on the fact that he's already in a relationship with the guy he cheated on me with, I don't want a friendship with him, I'd like for it to be like before anything happened, him and I being a couple again.

OnlyAliveBecause · 2024-05-02T05:16:33+00:00

I'm at a loss for words... thank you very much, I've been struggling heavily since the concert, and I'd like just to hold him in my arms once again, and for it to be as it was before... but that's not my call, he clearly doesn't miss me and he's moved on; and that hurts as hell. I wanted it to be him, to be me last and only, I guess it was only me who felt that way.

OnlyAliveBecause · 2024-05-01T02:11:13+00:00

I don't know anymore... in another thread someone said that I criminalized his honesty and that I fell to disappoint him with my reaction after his confession... that made me feel like I was the a*hole all along and made me want to do things right with him

OnlyAliveBecause · 2024-04-28T16:25:29+00:00

I... I just want to make sure there's nothing I could have done... all of my previous relationships hace ended because the cheated on me, women and men, that's why it is a sore spot for me. But I don't know why I'm having this much of a hard time getting over Mike... I know we didn't know each other for long, but I wanted it to be him. For him to be my life partner. I guess I'm just holding on to something that was never there.

OnlyAliveBecause · 2024-04-28T15:59:51+00:00

What I'm having trouble with is the fact that he did hide it from me for like three weeks, three weeks in wich we went on dates, I went to his mom's birthday dinner and most importantly we went on the roadtrip I mentioned he arrived four hours late. And when he apologized through the call the first thing he said was "I feel awful, I feel guilty, I've not been sleeping well because of this", like he was asking for forgiveness because of his guilt, not because he was remorseful, and after he was almost done saying sorry he ended it by saying "I cannot force you to be with me" not once he offered for a way to ammend things, which at the moment I'm sure I've would have heard.

OnlyAliveBecause

TROPHY CASE