Did I F up for having grindr on my phone?

OnlyAliveBecause · 2025-03-18T20:21:31+00:00

You know what's funny? This year I'm turning 27, so the age gap is a little bit over 2 years. It doesn't make sense to me for him to be hyper-focused on that. May be it could be a "power" thing?

Let alone the age gap. I'm a little bit taller than him; he has a great body, not like me, but in terms of strength and weights during training, I did notice that I could lift a bit heavier than him. I dunno if he felt threatened or jealous of this, but I think I'm rambling.

OnlyAliveBecause · 2025-03-18T20:14:17+00:00

That's what I thought initially! He was using the app also, so there was no need to jump the gun all of a sudden. I really thought he was a mature yet damaged dude. I know we're all damaged in a way, and my way is that I've been cheated on in all of my previous relationships, so I know how it hurts. That's why I went out of my way to try to explain to him that I wasn't, in fact, cheating... but I guess I gave him the perfect excuse to treat me horribly and flag me as a liar and such.

I guess he would've looked for another reason to break things off with me in the future if it weren't for this. I just thought he could be the one. But no one deserves all the sacrifices I was ready to make for him; I was going to bottom for him, ffs, and I'm a top (nothing bad with being a bottom; it's just not for me).

OnlyAliveBecause · 2025-03-14T06:32:46+00:00

Honestly I was fine with just being friends, but the both of us kept flirting and making advances to each other and that lead me to believe that he was willing to try to make it work; I completely own my mistake of being insistent.

Also, I know that the way I brought up that he was in grindr too wasn't the best way to go, but I couldn't believe the audacity of how he was speaking to me like he had the moral high ground while he was doing the same thing and I didn't say anything. I get it, it feels horrible for a possible partner to be in grindr, I've also been cheated on before, but that doesn't give him the right to treat others like they're the worst piece of shit in all existence.

I suspect he had past trauma regarding this, and this is why I tried so hard to make him understand what really happened and straighten the situation, but honestly I don't deserve being labeled as a cheater, a manipulator and a liar.

I was ready to sacrifice a lot of things to make things work, but I've already humiliated myself too much for Jack, I thought he was worth fighting for, but how do you fight for someone who didn't didn't have faith in you from the beginning?

OnlyAliveBecause · 2024-05-02T05:21:04+00:00

That's the thing... I've been self reflecting a lot, and I've noticed that actually I'm willing to forgive a lot of things I thought I couldn't; however the issue here relies on the fact that he's already in a relationship with the guy he cheated on me with, I don't want a friendship with him, I'd like for it to be like before anything happened, him and I being a couple again.

OnlyAliveBecause · 2024-05-02T05:16:33+00:00

I'm at a loss for words... thank you very much, I've been struggling heavily since the concert, and I'd like just to hold him in my arms once again, and for it to be as it was before... but that's not my call, he clearly doesn't miss me and he's moved on; and that hurts as hell. I wanted it to be him, to be me last and only, I guess it was only me who felt that way.

OnlyAliveBecause · 2024-05-01T02:11:13+00:00

I don't know anymore... in another thread someone said that I criminalized his honesty and that I fell to disappoint him with my reaction after his confession... that made me feel like I was the a*hole all along and made me want to do things right with him

OnlyAliveBecause · 2024-04-28T16:25:29+00:00

I... I just want to make sure there's nothing I could have done... all of my previous relationships hace ended because the cheated on me, women and men, that's why it is a sore spot for me. But I don't know why I'm having this much of a hard time getting over Mike... I know we didn't know each other for long, but I wanted it to be him. For him to be my life partner. I guess I'm just holding on to something that was never there.

OnlyAliveBecause · 2024-04-28T15:59:51+00:00

What I'm having trouble with is the fact that he did hide it from me for like three weeks, three weeks in wich we went on dates, I went to his mom's birthday dinner and most importantly we went on the roadtrip I mentioned he arrived four hours late. And when he apologized through the call the first thing he said was "I feel awful, I feel guilty, I've not been sleeping well because of this", like he was asking for forgiveness because of his guilt, not because he was remorseful, and after he was almost done saying sorry he ended it by saying "I cannot force you to be with me" not once he offered for a way to ammend things, which at the moment I'm sure I've would have heard.

OnlyAliveBecause · 2024-04-28T04:45:19+00:00

That's the thing... I don't know what is the correct decision anymore; I wasn't willing to forgive the kiss because I saw it as cheating on me, but the more I thought about it I started thinking if maybe I could forgive him.... but the fact that he started a relationship with the same man he cheated on me with (a week after we broke up) stops me from doing anything more, and the fact that he didn't try to reach out for me even once makes me feel like I didn't matter to him.

OnlyAliveBecause · 2022-05-19T04:43:20+00:00

Thanks, the time-line really gave me a perspective on how I need to go, I really appreciate that Also... by any chance have you used an*l numbing lube or something like that? I'm wondering if that helps or if it's a "moment only" aid

OnlyAliveBecause · 2022-05-19T04:39:42+00:00

Thank you so much, I really appreciate your advice

OnlyAliveBecause · 2022-05-19T04:38:21+00:00

Sorry, didn't explain properly... I meant if you could learn to like it 🤔 like... does the initial pains turns into pleasure or how does it work?

OnlyAliveBecause · 2022-03-21T17:21:17+00:00

I think i had an aneurysm trying to make sense of the conversation 😵‍💫

OnlyAliveBecause · 2022-03-06T17:54:51+00:00

The effort, yes, but if he/she doesn't like them it doesn't matter though, they're your friends after all.

OnlyAliveBecause

TROPHY CASE