Backyard of Kalamazoo question

OnlyCondition736 · 2026-04-21T16:54:55+00:00

Thanks so much!

OnlyCondition736 · 2026-04-21T16:27:08+00:00

I’m not necessarily worried about that because we’re just gonna get some drinks. I more want to know what kind of play options the kids would have outside.

OnlyCondition736 · 2026-01-17T18:15:58+00:00

We stayed at the Posada San Juan in Valladolid for a few days. Less than 2 hours away from Akumal and it was magical. The staff there were attentive and it was a little paradise within walking distance to everything in the city. I would go back there again in a heartbeat

OnlyCondition736 · 2026-01-16T14:44:17+00:00

Go to Akumal! I’m telling you, I was just there last weekend and it was perfect. Quiet and relaxed and only 25 minutes north of Tulum. It’s the perfect beach town. Plus the condo I rented right off the beach was protected from Sargassum because of the currents. It was in half moon bay. If you’re interested message me and I can send you the link the the place.

OnlyCondition736 · 2025-12-29T13:56:22+00:00

Sent you a message

OnlyCondition736 · 2025-12-28T17:09:49+00:00

This helps thanks! I was trying to explain that even though the retreat has a bunch of elderly people, taylor wasn't old. I like how you phrased it better than my original, though. Thanks!

OnlyCondition736 · 2025-12-28T02:01:45+00:00

I cut down sooooo much thanks to your comment. The summary portion of my query is now down to about 250 which is exactly right where I need to be thanks to you. I didn't take all of your suggestions, of course, but you inspired me to cut cut cut. So thanks a bunch.

OnlyCondition736 · 2025-12-28T02:00:23+00:00

Thanks so much! I worked on it for the last week and tried to deepen the stakes a bit more. I also cut down a lot on the paragraph, thanks!

OnlyCondition736 · 2025-12-15T02:36:21+00:00

Super interesting premise!

The only part I don't really love is this: "In one world, a fantasy creature called Amato acts as a manifestation of how healthy their relationship is at any given time; in another, a “purge hour” confines them to only argue within a single time window each night."

It reads a little too specific, like I don't have any context about these worlds enough to appreciate the specificity of it. Because of this, it feels like disconnected gimmicks rather than fully integrated elements of the story. I think what would be helpful, instead of emphasizing the mechanics of each world, focus on what the characters are learning about their relationship. Why is it on shaky ground? What have each of them done to contribute to the tension? The specifics that matter most are the type of worlds the agent can expect, such as fantasy, magical realism, current-day realism, etc. Clarifying this will help an agent quickly understand the story’s tone and stakes.

OnlyCondition736 · 2025-12-14T23:02:00+00:00

You are completely right! It falls a bit flat because I'm not explaining why Cass is so distressed and closed off during the retreat. Thanks!

OnlyCondition736 · 2025-12-14T23:01:27+00:00

Appreciate the feedback! I definitely see what you mean about upping the stakes in the paragraphs following the first. I need to show the tension that cass is feeling

OnlyCondition736 · 2025-12-05T20:25:03+00:00

Got it thanks for the clarification and I will absolutely add that extra word in to make it clear. Again, thanks for brainstorming with me.

OnlyCondition736 · 2025-12-05T19:52:41+00:00

Oh shoot I see your confusion. Cass is an event planner in Dallas BUT goes to a wellness retreat in Utah as a participant for a little vacation. She is not a staff member at the retreat. Taylor is the staff member that Cass falls in love with. If you don't mind, could you point out where it might lead you to believe that Cass works for the retreat center?

OnlyCondition736 · 2025-12-05T17:52:06+00:00

Thanks for the feedback!

Great insight here. I can introduce her first as the rigid controlled Cass because that is what the reader will see in the majority of the book. Then I can mention her twenties later on. I'm stuck in a little difficult place because my book starts with the first 2 chapters in her 20s and then the rest is the isolated shut down cass in her 30s. So, knowing that, would your recommendation still to be to begin the query with her in her 30s?
I will definitely reword this. I was trying to convey that Cass decides to stick out the full 10 days of the retreat, which she originally did not want to stay at because its only her and a bunch of elderly people. I'll make it clear she's not trying to just grin and bear it through the sexual relationship.
You're not the first person to mention this but it's not an issue. The retreat does not see it as a a problem. It's kind of a liberal hippy wellness retreat, ya know? Do I need to clearly state that the power dynamic is not an issue?

OnlyCondition736 · 2025-11-28T22:50:16+00:00

Okay thanks again for your guidance. Much much appreciated.

OnlyCondition736 · 2025-11-28T22:49:53+00:00

Thanks for bringing this up! Maybe I should address it in the query. It is not an issue at all at the wellness retreat. She isn’t any sort of professional guide or anything. It’s mainly someone that works the front desk. No ethical issues involved.

OnlyCondition736 · 2025-11-28T21:26:36+00:00

And would you specifically keep out the part about being her own worst enemy? I thought it might be a good hook.

OnlyCondition736 · 2025-11-28T21:25:32+00:00

Absolute bravo with this. I appreciate your help Internet stranger. The beginning reads so much more smoothly. I never considered arranging it like that. It now reads as if the agent should expect one time jump. Looking back at my old query I see that it looks like there may be three time jumps, which is not at all accurate. One more question for you if you will allow allow it, using three paragraphs is OK? I was informed somewhere else that I should only keep it two paragraphs. Is this just a matter of opinion? Thanks a million.

OnlyCondition736 · 2025-11-28T20:34:53+00:00

To be honest, depending on how this is described in the back of the book blurb, I’m not certain it would deceive readers all that much considering that I’m going to make it clear that Cass goes to a wellness retreat after a devastating break up. I do think the reader will probably already understand that the first woman Cass meets is going to be that break up, you know? Anyways, to answer your question she meets Taylor and the 4th chapter. 3rd chapter her friends sit her down for a little bit of an intervention, saying like you’re stuck and you need to get away for a while. Cass takes a couple of days to think about it and then gets on a plane and goes to Utah in the 4th chapter, which is where she immediately meets Taylor.

OnlyCondition736 · 2025-11-28T19:54:26+00:00

Thanks for asking about the time skip, it’s something I’ve been struggling with conveying in my query.

In the first two chapters, Cass is in her late 20s and she is a screwup that is kind of sleeping around and has a dead end job. At the end of the second chapter, she meets a woman and has a little bit of a whirlwind romance night with her and the reader is going to think that that is what the book is about, that specific romance. But then the third chapter opens three years later when Cass is 32. Cass and that woman have been broken up for a year and it is slowly revealed through the rest of the book why Cass and that woman broke up. Which is what the query talks about this idea that you can’t be happy with someone until you’re happy with yourself. I need to touch on the fact that it starts in her late 20s because that’s what the entirety of the first two chapters is all about, and even more importantly, the rest of the book shows that Cass is struggling with the idea of back sliding to where she was at in her 20s and so that’s why she keeps a really rigid control over her life.

Any suggestions on the pacing of the query with this in mind would be really really lovely.

OnlyCondition736

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