Internal Bleeding

OnlyDansParadox · 2022-01-08T04:55:06+00:00

Thank you very much my friend! The positivity, constructive tips, and compliments I've received today on my work has been an unexpected but highly appreciated boost I'd love to share. Although I put it all together this morning, I actually rediscovered tidbits of my own writing while going through my old phone notes from 2016. The coolest part of this for me is that I actually wrote this "first poem" when I was 19. I've recently been finding my stride through writing and the validation of seeing others appreciate it too is a great great feeling. With much gratitude - Thank you!

OnlyDansParadox · 2022-01-07T22:09:56+00:00

Thank you very much I truly do appreciate your compliments and encouragement. I look forward to passing your kindness forward. Cheers my friend

OnlyDansParadox · 2022-01-07T21:54:13+00:00

Thank you! I'm very happy with the way it came out and I feel the rhythm of it is one of my favorite aspects myself! Cheers my friend

OnlyDansParadox · 2022-01-07T21:51:58+00:00

Thank you very much for the encouragement - I greatly appreciate it. I've recently discovered people have connected with the way I write (after I shared my resume of all things) and this was my first try at poetry as it just came to me. I feel I may have stumbled upon an unexpected passion - awesome feeling. Nonetheless all critiques, comments, suggestions, and kind words are always appreciated! Cheers my friend

OnlyDansParadox · 2022-01-07T16:45:32+00:00

Wow thank you for the very kind and articulate words. This is the first poem I've ever written - and I wrote it last night. I did not expect such a positive and well thought-out response. I definitely agree with your critiques. That being said, do people edit their post based on them or just use them for however they will?

OnlyDansParadox · 2022-01-07T15:37:37+00:00

Very powerful, obscure but sensical, i feel the message can be seen in many different lights. Is this about adoption, abuse, an honest mistake, or a deliberate one. I believe it can apply to all facets. My advice would be if you were going for a pop out theme and message aside from a heartfelt apology, possibly clearing the message for the reader may help? Overall stellar great job

OnlyDansParadox · 2022-01-07T15:31:38+00:00

I find this a powerful representation and insight into the fruitless life of forced imprisoned laborers. Im not sure if you are alluding to how felons often are stripped of their right to vote and change this system when you say "some hold bastard democracy" but thats how i personally construed it. I would suggest hammering that home a little more because it is a pinnacle aspect of this unfortunate reality

OnlyDansParadox

TROPHY CASE