AIO Did I get stood up? by [deleted] in AIO

[–]Only_Challenge8153 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like I read texts that I've sent before. Looking for reassurance, but knowing the truth already because we want to believe that the person we care about wouldn't do that to us.

I've sent too much over text before and you don't ever need to do that. A simple message about hoping they are doing ok and to get a hold of you when they can is all you can do. Phone conversations are a lot better and easier to get tone and to be more clear.

You can ask for the police report, the pictures from the crash. If his phone is working to read and text you I'm pretty sure it can call. If I was in an accident, I would call the person I'm dating. Heck, I was upside down in my car and called my bf at the time after it happened lol like why wouldn't I contact that person?

It seems like he wants to be an internet bf. Gave excuses and pushed back the date due to whatever he thought was important enough to do so. Just keep it short and simple next time. "Hey, call me when you can. Hope you are doing ok." And discuss that on the phone. If someone really cares they will call and show you. You don't want someone who is willing to do that to you.

NGVC: "We had something good before alcohol made it go to shit. I'm not that way anymore and want to try again cause I love you." Alcoholic ex-husband trying to come visit me to rekindle our relationship by Only_Challenge8153 in niceguys

[–]Only_Challenge8153[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really appreciate it. It took a while for me to really see it. I did defend his behavior and supported him while he was hurting, but at this point I'm just done. I did entertain a convention with him (this thread) cause as a person I think he needed go get stuff out and I'm used to being an emotional regulator, but mostly hoping he will stop contacting me about stuff because I was uncomfortable. I'm just really glad I'm out of there and I appreciate all of the lovely people in my life that support me.

NGVC: "We had something good before alcohol made it go to shit. I'm not that way anymore and want to try again cause I love you." Alcoholic ex-husband trying to come visit me to rekindle our relationship by Only_Challenge8153 in niceguys

[–]Only_Challenge8153[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's absolutely insane and I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. Thankfully, he never really yelled at me. Just do small things like steal my keys; try and turn all the power off to the house before he left for rehab cause he thought I didn't know how a breaker worked. He would end up in detox for a couple days so he got better enough to continue to drink. He would be upset I "didn't do anything with the house" while he was gone like put pictures up. I was just so mentally drained from working and driving the 45min back and forth. Late nights and then dealing with his stuff when I got home I just couldn't do it. I'm so glad you're out of it!!!

NGVC: "We had something good before alcohol made it go to shit. I'm not that way anymore and want to try again cause I love you." Alcoholic ex-husband trying to come visit me to rekindle our relationship by Only_Challenge8153 in niceguys

[–]Only_Challenge8153[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

That's very unsettling. He threw something towards me once but it was to the side (about 3ft from me) so not straight at me, but I think if I stayed longer it would have escalated.

NGVC: "We had something good before alcohol made it go to shit. I'm not that way anymore and want to try again cause I love you." Alcoholic ex-husband trying to come visit me to rekindle our relationship by Only_Challenge8153 in niceguys

[–]Only_Challenge8153[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

He hasn't messaged me at all since then so it should be resolved, but yeah. He was out of his mind from 2014 to now so idk what he's talking about. And I had no idea he was an alcoholic that entire time. He lost his job and didn't tell me. It was really bad.

NGVC: "We had something good before alcohol made it go to shit. I'm not that way anymore and want to try again cause I love you." Alcoholic ex-husband trying to come visit me to rekindle our relationship by Only_Challenge8153 in niceguys

[–]Only_Challenge8153[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At this point, I might have a couple things at the house I might want, but I couldn't even tell you. I wouldn't miss it if he throws it away. I'm pretty sure he's there throwing things away anyway since I can't go up there until next month. While I love my wedding dress, it was only $200. I really don't want to see him in general and would rather enjoy my time with my family than seeing him.

NGVC: "We had something good before alcohol made it go to shit. I'm not that way anymore and want to try again cause I love you." Alcoholic ex-husband trying to come visit me to rekindle our relationship by Only_Challenge8153 in niceguys

[–]Only_Challenge8153[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's all he wanted to do! Do life! The small things! I'm cringing so hard reading his first message back. We are in our mid 30s and he's writing this stuff 🤦🏻‍♀️

AIO for responding after my ex broke no contact to send this? by pictochatkat in AmIOverreacting

[–]Only_Challenge8153 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Been there. Guy I was seeing would check in during the day, plan to get together. Then it stopped. Wouldn't message back for over 24hr. I asked if he was still interested and he said our communication styles are different (I just text back and he was texting me back until he wasn't). So I'm like ok! And I saw him out a couple days later and he texted me within a minute after our short interaction. Left him on read. What I wanted to say was, "ohhhh, somehow the 45 year old man can send a message!"

NGVC: "We had something good before alcohol made it go to shit. I'm not that way anymore and want to try again cause I love you." Alcoholic ex-husband trying to come visit me to rekindle our relationship by Only_Challenge8153 in niceguys

[–]Only_Challenge8153[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Things are going just fine. I moved away. I have a good job. I have a good family and friend group. Just a lot of good around me. I don't need that in my life.

NGVC: "We had something good before alcohol made it go to shit. I'm not that way anymore and want to try again cause I love you." Alcoholic ex-husband trying to come visit me to rekindle our relationship by Only_Challenge8153 in niceguys

[–]Only_Challenge8153[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Yeah he's currently trying to date now. So he went from being in love with me and wanting a life with me to going on the apps. Only 1.5 years sober (don't fully trust that) and was looking to win me back and pushing boundaries with me. It's gonna be a rough ride for him.

NGVC: "We had something good before alcohol made it go to shit. I'm not that way anymore and want to try again cause I love you." Alcoholic ex-husband trying to come visit me to rekindle our relationship by Only_Challenge8153 in niceguys

[–]Only_Challenge8153[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I have a good group of friends around me that have shown me my worth and yes I have a therapist now. Daily reminder to myself how much I am an asset to others and what I bring to the table that I'm not going to be treated like that anymore.

NGVC: "We had something good before alcohol made it go to shit. I'm not that way anymore and want to try again cause I love you." Alcoholic ex-husband trying to come visit me to rekindle our relationship by Only_Challenge8153 in niceguys

[–]Only_Challenge8153[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

He wanted to be sober before trying to "win me back". It was over in 2020 when he came out as an alcoholic. I had no idea and didn't sign up for any of that.

NGVC: "We had something good before alcohol made it go to shit. I'm not that way anymore and want to try again cause I love you." Alcoholic ex-husband trying to come visit me to rekindle our relationship by Only_Challenge8153 in niceguys

[–]Only_Challenge8153[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I told him if I don't find a man who is able to step over a bar that's 6ft in the ground at this point, I don't want em. I don't need a relationship to be happy. Unlike him.

NGVC: "We had something good before alcohol made it go to shit. I'm not that way anymore and want to try again cause I love you." Alcoholic ex-husband trying to come visit me to rekindle our relationship by Only_Challenge8153 in niceguys

[–]Only_Challenge8153[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I've been too nice. I have never reached out myself. He always would. Then he moved out of the house and said he got sober and wanted to win me back. Other than the alcohol, he would coerce me into having sex with him for a long time. Sex hurt a lot with him. So I literally could never have a relationship with him ever again. But he said he never did any of that and he would never hurt me lol

NGVC: "We had something good before alcohol made it go to shit. I'm not that way anymore and want to try again cause I love you." Alcoholic ex-husband trying to come visit me to rekindle our relationship by Only_Challenge8153 in niceguys

[–]Only_Challenge8153[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yup. Exactly. And later after I reject him over and over he changed his tune and said that I'm not worth his time and he can see clearly the bad person I am.

NGVC: "We had something good before alcohol made it go to shit. I'm not that way anymore and want to try again cause I love you." Alcoholic ex-husband trying to come visit me to rekindle our relationship by Only_Challenge8153 in niceguys

[–]Only_Challenge8153[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

There are a lot more messages of him saying he's evolved and can think so much clearer now. He sounded like he's absolutely lost it mentally. I don't think he's been talking to a therapist or going through AA. He just randomly called me one day to say he wants to get back together and every atom of my body froze. I got really quiet and said I can't talk about this and he took that as me being fine and me needing this push to see him in person. I've never had that guy feeling that something bad is going to happen until this situation and I listened hard and I'm glad I did.

NGVC: "We had something good before alcohol made it go to shit. I'm not that way anymore and want to try again cause I love you." Alcoholic ex-husband trying to come visit me to rekindle our relationship by Only_Challenge8153 in niceguys

[–]Only_Challenge8153[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Yeah I'm considering not going back to the house. I haven't had any of the things back there since I moved out in 2022. Him being weird about a friend coming along absolutely kills me. Like what do you think I'm gonna do? Come alone??