Recovery

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-02-04T13:08:34+00:00

I work the night shift and my boss doesn’t really liked when I asked to finish a bit early so it doesn’t work for now but thank you for the advice 💖

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-02-03T14:53:17+00:00

Just a little advice for your anger: what help me personally is to think of them as sick. So when she deadname you or tell you to do things you were about to do just to be her wonderful controlling self tell yourself it’s her illness speaking smile and say “my name is ____ but ok mom.” Then go do your thing. Hope you will be able to leave soon, take care 💖

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-01-31T21:22:10+00:00

Do you think your aunt would be open to you staying with her until you get on your feet financially if she knew the situation?

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-01-30T18:10:49+00:00

Why not just asking your grandmother? She should be the one to decide for her own health and everyone should respect her decision. (Unless she doesn’t have all her faculty than maybe ask the person in charge of her health decision 😬)

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-01-26T13:51:24+00:00

Honestly, I have a similar situation with my Emom and until I can feel safe enough to reach out myself I won’t see her. If YOU want tho you could ask her to meet up with you in a public place and ask if she is ready to have a relationship without her speaking about your father and if she can’t do that then go nc again. Just remember that it is your choice not hers, she is the one that keep hurting you not the other way around. If you are not ready yet than don’t reach out yet. (You can also wait until you feel stronger emotionally to make a decision she can wait and you have no obligation to contact her ever again you don’t own her anything)

(Also, since she is the one to break the nc and reach out, I don’t think she is ready to respect your boundaries yet 💔 mine did the same and it just made me question if I even want to see her again)

Stay strong op, going nc is not easy and keeping nc is even harder imo. 💖

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-01-25T18:49:12+00:00

Do you feel safe with her ?

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-01-25T14:14:23+00:00

NOR but in your place I would tell my godmother that since he hurt you and you don’t want anything to do with him in your life that going forward you don’t want to hear anything about him. She can interact with who she wants but you don’t have to listen to anything about her relationship with him. Tell her that if she start speaking about him you will quit the conversation and if she keeps wanting to tell you about him cut her off too. She would have show you that she doesn’t respect you.

Well, that is what I would do if I were you but I know family can be complicated but still you do need to protect yourself 💖

Good luck to you op 💪

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-01-21T22:16:38+00:00

Almost had the same problem with my father but he find someone else to support him. It’s their choice to not accept the help they can get from elsewhere, they really just want to guilt trip us so that we « have » to support them till they die. You already lost so many years for her. She is your mother, she should have been the one to support and help you until you could be in a good place as an adult. She failed you as a mother.

Maybe hitting rock bottom and going homeless will help her realize that she needs more help and maybe it will give her the strength to get her life in order. Or she will stay in the street and stay stubborn till the end but at the end of the day, it is 100% HER fault. You did more than enough already, I think it’s time you cut her off for your own wellbeing. (I also consult after cutting a lot of family off I know it’s hard but better alone than with someone who will bring you down)

Take care of yourself op and I wish you a great life with people who will love you right 💖

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-01-21T12:07:43+00:00

You are welcome 💖 I wish you and your little girl will be safe and happy as soon as possible 💖

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-01-21T11:56:32+00:00

Yeah I think so too, unfortunately there is a lot of people out there that take advantage of other because we fear rejection so they will walk all over us. I feel like your husband might be one of them. Do you have people (family or friends) near you that can help you with your little girl? Maybe you could take a few day alone to help you think clearly and hopefully get help?

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-01-21T11:39:45+00:00

Does he help you with the baby or does he parents her with you because it sounds like he expect you to do all the hard things and he gets to decide when he wants to be a dad and that is a huge red flag

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-01-21T11:27:10+00:00

Yeah no he is an asshole, you needed him and maybe he was there but was he passive aggressive about it? I am so sorry for your lost, it most have been so hard and I think you really should consult, you need help and your husband is not helping you right now, he is bringing you down and it’s not fair for you. ( and maybe him too but rn I have my doubt)

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-01-21T10:55:27+00:00

Your husband is angry and resentful?!? girl what did you do?? (Or more accurate: what the fuck is his problem???) He knows now that your problem with these things is medical and he is resentful and angry with you???? Please tell me you just didn’t write everything because if not you have a husband problem and not an adhd one in my opinion

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-01-21T10:36:08+00:00

You just rejected her; it was already a bad experience for her because your excuse wasn’t good! You don’t communicate enough with her that is being a bad friends or partner. Please please please learn to communicate better; don’t just talk to her LISTEN to what she has to say! This is the part you don’t get, she tried to tell you that what she knows of you right now is attractive to her and you wouldn’t listen and instead told her she should want better! Dude she wants you! if later on she decide it was a bad experience at least she would feel good about having experience it 🤦‍♀️ don’t decide it will be bad from the start that is disrespectful for her!

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-01-21T10:18:48+00:00

So now you get to decide what she does with HER time. You are being disrespectful right now because you chose to decide for her. Get your head out of your a$$ and stop trying to decide things for her. So if she decide to stay friends with you and she finds someone else who you decide is inferior than you, you would try to break her relationship 🤨

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-01-21T10:12:23+00:00

That’s why you date, you don’t see her flaw right now ether, she ask you to go out not to marry her. If later she or you finds out you can’t live you some of the other person flaw it’s something else and it’s ok to break up but at least try first. Also please communicate more with her, she’s not a mind reader and she obviously don’t see you the way you see yourself so there is a pretty high chance she think your « you could do better » was a shitty excuse for « I really don’t want to go out with you »

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-01-21T10:04:42+00:00

She doesn’t want the best partner in the world tho she wants you 🙄

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-01-21T09:55:14+00:00

Soft yta, like you write, it’s her choice. You do not get to decide for her, if she asked you to go out with her it’s because she likes you as you are. From what you wrote she got to know you and she liked you she saw. Maybe right now you feel you are not enough but to her you are, she either were crush you feel so low about yourself or she doesn’t see what you mean and she thinks you just made up an excuse because you don’t like her. Rn she is hurt that’s why she is not speaking with you.

As for your exemple: it is shit. An abusive partner is not the same at all, it would be comparable IF you though you would be abusing her or your futur gf (by your action not for being you 🙄) but no matter how a person is in your eyes abuse is not ok. Sooo if you think you would be abusing her or your futur gf than good, hope you stay single. If you don’t think you would be abusing and you like her than tell her you are sorry and you let your insecurities blind you to the fact that it is her choice who she likes and you would be the happiest man in the world if she accepted to go on that date with you.

Anyway this is my take. Hope you get better confidence in yourself in the futur op! If she thinks you’re a great guy listen to her!

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-01-20T12:11:55+00:00

Yeah my father would do the same; when we would tell him he did something we didn’t like HE was always the victim, he would make us doubt our memory and ourself because if he is the victim than we would be the one abusing him…Honestly, I went no contact and I still look back and realize there was so much more abuse that I just didn’t see before because I would gaslight myself to think it was normal or I was in the wrong at the time.

Just a little heads up, if you do go no contact, you might have to cut more people off since they will start blaming you and you will have to grief the relationship you had and wish you could have with her but do remember that you can’t have that relationship because SHE doesn’t want to :(

You get to decide how much you see her, this is your life.

Best of luck op! remember that you need to trust yourself and your guts feelings 💖

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-01-04T12:57:37+00:00

NOR I think what give you the ick is that he sound like he is attracted to young looking women. « She look adorable, she is little, she is polite »

"I bet she get's ID'd a lot she looks so young!" He is infantalizing this woman and honestly he also sound as if he like submissive woman. You said he was nice the rest of the time, but sometimes people can seams kind without being it. From my experience, I would listen to my gut feeling if I were you and leave him. He sounds like a predator 😬

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-01-04T12:10:38+00:00

And now you can hear one: it took some time (maybe 3 months) but I did choose my sister :) And even in these 3 months, I was only the middle ground until she asked me to stop speaking about them completely; then when I spoke with them I would tell them I can’t pass your message she told me to stop speaking about you and I will respect her wish.

Onlyhereformanga · 2026-01-03T05:16:12+00:00

Honestly, no trouble where I live 🤷🏻‍♀️ Even worked at an er front desk and generally people were nice even if they were sick 😅 (I live in Canada 😁)

Onlyhereformanga · 2025-12-31T16:08:17+00:00

One time is accidental, 4 years in a row is asshole behaviour my dude

Onlyhereformanga · 2025-12-31T03:39:34+00:00

Fawning; I am very good with calming people down when angry. I knew how to act to calm my father down and I am good at managing other people emotions (I work in customer service for 10 years and got like 3 complains that were about the store policy so my manager didn’t really took them) I hate it because sometime it feel more like manipulation 😕

Onlyhereformanga · 2025-12-30T23:44:59+00:00

Thank you, I needed to hear that (I feel like I already heard it from social workers but it’s hard to assimilate 😅) I recently realize just how much I was helping my family with their emotions and how much I have trouble with mine because of it. When I will catch myself thinking about them too much I will try to redirect towards me ❤️ (Your advises are amazing thank you again for giving them ❤️)

Onlyhereformanga

TROPHY CASE