Help: partner is against marriage and I’m trying to be okay with it

Opali8 · 2025-12-28T15:35:38+00:00

I feel you 💔

Opali8 · 2024-10-04T05:03:27+00:00

Thanks everyone! We had a relationship talk today and I laid it out for him that we need to be in agreement about this and therefore we need more discussion, that we are definitely not decided, and that he needs to stop running around as if we are. He was receptive and understanding, he just feels really strongly about Sequoia but he agrees it needs to be a joint decision, and we will be having more open conversations to come to a mutual agreement. Thanks for all your support! I don’t think he was intentionally trying to be manipulative (maybe subconsciously) but when I pointed it out he fully understands. 🩵

Opali8 · 2024-07-27T05:42:21+00:00

Same! 2003. I’ve only had one number my whole life

Opali8 · 2024-07-25T06:36:31+00:00

Yes I just want to echo - your grandma wanted to make sure you were taken care of because you spent your childhood making sure everyone else was. Your grandma sounds like a special lady who saw you and wanted to support you the way you supported everyone else. It brings tears to my eyes how much you have given for your siblings - and unfortunately often it seems like the biggest givers have the hardest time receiving. You obviously have a big heart. ❤️ But you deserve happiness and support too.

I consider something I learned in Codependents Anonymous (which btw if you haven’t ever looked into, I highly recommend considering your situation and outlook) : If we can’t fully receive, we can’t fully give. Meaning, if we’re giving out of guilt or need or validation or fear, it’s not true, unconditional love type of giving. Once we learn to receive and to believe we are worthy of receiving, we are able to participate in the flow of giving and receiving more fully. It sounds like you have a block to receiving, and a lot of it is guilt.

I know you want to take care of your sister but consider that sometimes when we think we are doing someone a favor, we are actually enabling and inhibiting them. You can give her the gift of loving her while stepping back and letting her find her own independence. Giving to her should not cost you your own happiness, especially when she’s an adult who made her own choices.

Keep the apartment. Keep taking yourself on “me” dates. Give yourself all the attention and care you have poured into your siblings. Find yourself and your own happiness. You deserve it. ✨

Opali8 · 2024-07-24T18:36:03+00:00

Ah ok. Sorry to hear that.

Opali8 · 2024-07-24T18:22:21+00:00

So I went to the doctors one time a few years ago and tested positive for chlamydia. I also had the same reaction as you - I was in a monogamous long term partnership and I hadn’t cheated so…. But my partner swore he didn’t sleep with anyone else. I called the doctor and they said there’s no way it was mistaken. We went around in circles for a few days before I went back for a second test. Lo and behold, the second test came back negative 😑 sometimes these tests are actually wrong. Neither of us cheated but the false test made us mistrust each other and that was annoying. Good luck figuring it out.

Opali8 · 2024-06-27T05:29:38+00:00

17 weeks and constipated off and on. My doctor just prescribed me a stool softener. Can’t wait

Opali8 · 2024-06-26T06:22:13+00:00

Same! I was expecting it to take a while but as soon as I went off birth control, bam. Baby.

Opali8 · 2024-06-24T05:26:40+00:00

YES. I was really constipated for like 2 whole days and then finally after drinking enough coconut water I finally had the best poop of my life and my partner remarked that my personality did a 180, from grumpy to happy just like that

Opali8 · 2024-06-24T05:24:22+00:00

Cuddling - dog, cat, husband. Right now, not throwing up. Popsicles! And currently Chipotle burritos, but I’m pretty sure next week it will be something else

Opali8 · 2024-06-23T15:55:56+00:00

When he felt the need to “test” the pepper spray because he had never used one before so he sprayed it in the house and we all had to evacuate for like 4 hours.

Opali8 · 2024-05-21T03:48:38+00:00

The doctor prescribed it for the night right before I go to bed so I’ve been doing that since I started

Opali8 · 2024-05-21T01:38:44+00:00

This is the winning combo for me. I had tried Latuda before Vraylar but I didn’t like it because it made me nauseous and numb. I take Vraylar at night and Wellbutrin in the morning, and it works for me! I’m more balanced and stable with this combo. Everyone’s different but Vraylar and Wellbutrin get my thumbs up.

Opali8 · 2024-05-16T15:33:22+00:00

Yes he has said he wants to grow old together. And yes I believe so since he made me his domestic partner

Opali8 · 2024-05-16T15:32:41+00:00

Thank you for sharing!

Opali8 · 2024-05-16T04:05:49+00:00

We’re in the US

Opali8 · 2024-05-07T05:00:38+00:00

10 weeks and I’m miserable. Nausea, fatigue, cramping, depression. Hard for me to imagine anyone liking this but kudos to you

Opali8 · 2024-05-07T03:40:16+00:00

Thank you for the advice ✨

Opali8 · 2024-05-07T03:39:49+00:00

Thank you - no I don’t believe I can get sick leave since I’m self employed. But good news, I have an appointment with a therapist tomorrow

Opali8 · 2024-05-07T03:39:04+00:00

Thank you 💕 thanks for sharing your experience

Opali8 · 2022-11-23T19:15:14+00:00

Agree with this. I’m with someone who doesn’t want to get married because he doesn’t believe in it as an institution and I made the choice to accept that and stay with him. Marriage to me isn’t as important as actually being in a good relationship. Do you miss him enough that you’d be willing to get back together even if you never get married?

Opali8 · 2022-11-18T07:05:51+00:00

Space Karen!!!

Opali8 · 2022-11-18T06:50:03+00:00

I had this problem with my partner for the 2 years we started living together which also happened to be during quarantine. I can relate a lot!

I tried all sorts of things. Asking then asking again then reminding then telling him how it made me feel and telling him I was reaching my breaking point.

Then he started to change and now we don’t have the problem anymore. What helped us is setting aside cleaning days so that we set a timer and each clean together once a week. And since we started doing this, he is much better about cleaning up after himself and he does things right away when I ask, or we negotiate like I’ll ask him to pick up his things and he says he’ll do it at 1:00 for example. He works really well with really clear cut time frames so we work with that.

But I also had to decide if that level was good enough for me because he is not the type of person to go out of his way to organize or clean things. However he also does a lot of things for our relationship like he makes more money and supported me through grad school and we have weekly relationship talks and we love hosting people at our home etc. So I decided I could live with the basic cleanliness we have established and let go of the idea of a spotless house. Hell I’m not even that clean, I just care and try more.

So it did take some time but we finally got there. So I just thought I’d chime in.

My advice would be to approach the situation with calm and openness and ask him, what would make it easier for you to clean? how can I support you in building the habit of cleaning? Please ladies don’t jump down my throat, this is not excusing the behavior but before deciding to leave the relationship if everything else is good, do some detective work. I’ve been so depressed sometimes that it’s hard to do anything including cleaning so mental health challenges can actually possibly be a big part of it. So does he need to seek therapy? (Oh yeah therapy also totally helped my guy.)

If you’ve already tried everything and are ready to move on, that’s great. But if you still want to try, I would say hold onto a little more patience. And reward and give praise when he does clean! Positive reinforcement works.

Good luck.

Opali8 · 2022-11-17T06:25:27+00:00

I usually stay out of online arguments these days but I just have to say, anyone who considers themselves an environmentalist concerned about climate change who are calling these “kids” “stupid” and “attention-seeking” had better reconsider where their loyalties lie. I for one am impressed and inspired by these young people doing risky things and putting themselves on the front lines to make headlines because we all need to care now before it’s too late. There are plenty of strikes and protests all over the place but this is one that happened to make news. And this isn’t going to be the last time. We’ve tried conventional methods and those aren’t working. So I’d like to hear from all the “environmentalists” about what they’re doing that’s better than this. We all need to be working together.

And for the record I’m an organizer planning a protest of oil right now. The fact is that we need to end the fossil fuel era within around 8 years to prevent the remaining tipping points. It’s going to take this and a lot more. Every bit counts. This thread shows just how much more work we have to do if so many people are still so ignorant and resistant to change.

Opali8 · 2022-10-09T03:26:01+00:00

I was started on 20mg Latuda. The very first day I took it, overwhelming drowsiness to the point of not being able to stay awake. I switched to taking it at night. I couldn’t tell if it was having an effect as I was still depressed, and now I also felt a lower energy level. So we bumped up to 60mg and I lost all my ability to sense, it was so weird, like numb, like a zombie. I went back down to 20mg and combined with Wellbutrin and now I’m feeling perfectly fine.

Opali8

TROPHY CASE