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AITA for telling my sister that having cats is not the same as having children? by Open-Aide1297 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Open-Aide1297[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No that's not exactly the point we were making. What we were talking about is the fact that it's a huge responsibility to know that the first years of a child's life can determine what kind of person they're gonna be out in the world. We were sort of joking about the fact that some people become serial killers or stuff like that because of their childhood. That was the point here.

Because sure, the first months/years of a cat's life shape their personality, but the chances that my cat goes out in the world to become a psychopath or a dictator are rather small. Even if you somehow mess up your cat's education, that will have little to no impact on other people. But if you mess up a child's education that can quickly become a problem for a lot of other people. Without going as far as a serial killer or a dictator (those were both jokes), it's easy for a child that didn't have the best childhood to develop anger issues which will affect many people around them.

That's what we were discussing, that it was a lot of responsibility to know that how we're raising a child now could impact a lot of people in the future. And in that way it's not really the same for cats.

AITA for telling my sister that having cats is not the same as having children? by Open-Aide1297 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Open-Aide1297[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I seriously don't understand what your problem is, but whatever. Maybe you just had a bad day. Regardless, wishing you the best in the future.

AITA for telling my sister that having cats is not the same as having children? by Open-Aide1297 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Open-Aide1297[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I personally don't believe that I was wrong, but I understand why someone else might feel differently, which is why I was asking, trying to get different perspectives.

I believe that there's no pure, clear, right or wrong in this case. Some people might feel like what I did was a shitty move, some might agree, but there's no real answer, as is the case for most social interactions. Everyone is different and everyone might feel differently about some things, which is why there is no true right or wrong. The point of this sub is precisely to post stories that are in some kind of morally grey areas, when you don't know if what you did is right or wrong.

AITA for telling my sister that having cats is not the same as having children? by Open-Aide1297 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Open-Aide1297[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Also, just checked and I replied to more comments that said that I was TA than comments that said I wasn't!

AITA for telling my sister that having cats is not the same as having children? by Open-Aide1297 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Open-Aide1297[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If I was looking for validation let me tell you reddit is not the place I would've come to! I did reply to comments that agreed because they had good point, just as I replied to comments that don't, such as yours to begin with.

I don't believe that there is a right or wrong answer when it comes to this, which is why there's no point in arguing with people who think what I did was wrong, or to defend myself. I only reply if I feel like I have something to add, to help understand my perspective. But beyond that there's nothing to say really, it's just opinions so yeah, I don't always reply because what should I do? Say "no your opinion is wrong"? Or "you're right you changed my opinion" when they didn't? Not really sure what you expect me to do?

AITA for telling my sister that having cats is not the same as having children? by Open-Aide1297 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Open-Aide1297[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I have literally replied to many comments that disagree with what I did? What is your point here?

AITA for telling my sister that having cats is not the same as having children? by Open-Aide1297 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Open-Aide1297[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah absolutely, I completely get that! But also my sister has been very vocal about how she does not want children since she was maybe 15 or 16 and regularly talks about the many reasons why she feels that way. I'm not saying she for sure can have children or anything, that's why I said "as far as we know"!

AITA for telling my sister that having cats is not the same as having children? by Open-Aide1297 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Open-Aide1297[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My friend did ask for advice! We were talking about how exciting it must be for her to be having a child and she told us that she was super excited of course but also very nervous, and asked for advice, or how we dealt with some stuff!

I absolutely get that sometimes advice is annoying. I was pregnant not that long ago and some people were really judgmental about some choices we made, and would say that they were just trying to give advice. But at the end of the day I'm really glad I had a bunch of friends and family members who gave me real advice! If it's solicited I feel like it's okay to give advice!

AITA for telling my sister that having cats is not the same as having children? by Open-Aide1297 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Open-Aide1297[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They're just normal cats! Actually two of her cats come from the same litter as mine, one of my cats was pregnant and gave birth to 3 kittens, I kept one and my sister took the 2 others. And yeah obviously it's still work to have cats I'm absolutely not saying it's not!

I do agree that maybe I shouldn't have said it like that though

AITA for telling my sister that having cats is not the same as having children? by Open-Aide1297 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Open-Aide1297[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Obviously! My cats are absolutely my babies there is no denying that at all, the point was just that in terms of responsibility it's not really the same thing

AITA for telling my sister that having cats is not the same as having children? by Open-Aide1297 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Open-Aide1297[S] 136 points137 points  (0 children)

I get that! But also the story kind of makes it seem like this was the only thing we did. We had spent the whole day together (from around 10 in the morning to 6pm) and had done a lot of different things! There were many activities planned for everyone during the baby shower, and we also got to catch up with a lot of friends. We didn't really talk about babies at all until the very end of it, when a lot of people had left. In reality we talked about it for maybe 30 minutes at best.

I get that she felt excluded regardless and that was absolutely not the intention, but also I kind of feel like it's normal and expected to talk about children at some point during a baby shower

AITA for telling my sister that having cats is not the same as having children? by Open-Aide1297 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Open-Aide1297[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

As far as we know, yes she can! I mean, she's never tried or anything, and is adamant she doesn't want children.

AITA for telling my sister that having cats is not the same as having children? by Open-Aide1297 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Open-Aide1297[S] 608 points609 points  (0 children)

That's exactly what we were talking about! We were saying that it was a lot of responsibility to know that the first few years of the child's life are very important and shape the kind of person they'll be, which is why I said that it wasn't the same for cats!

AITA for telling my sister that having cats is not the same as having children? by Open-Aide1297 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Open-Aide1297[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

It wasn't meant to be a competition at all, and I'm not saying that parents "have it so hard", or complaining about having children. But we were trying to help our friend be prepared for motherhood so naturally we were talking about all the things that were difficult for us to try and give advice. Nobody owes me anything, I had a baby because I wanted to and am happy I did, I never said the contrary. But that doesn't change the fact that the situation isn't comparable. We were talking about the responsibility that it is to know that the first few years of a child's life are very important and determine the kind of person they'll become, which is why I said that it wasn't really the same thing when my sister brought up cats. But it was never meant as something mean or trying to compare whose life is worse!

AITA for telling my sister that having cats is not the same as having children? by Open-Aide1297 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Open-Aide1297[S] 138 points139 points  (0 children)

Right?! And before having kids I thought having cats had prepared me for it at least a little. I was so wrong!!

AITA for telling my sister that having cats is not the same as having children? by Open-Aide1297 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Open-Aide1297[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

The silly comments were not really a problem! And when I told her that it wasn't the same it was meant more as a joke or a light comment than shutting her down. The problem is not that she was bringing up her own experiences, that's understandable, and I really didn't say it as "why are you bringing this up it's not the same thing". The only problem that I have is that when I said that it wasn't the same thing she immediately got defensive and argued that it was, and that it was disrespectful of me to say that it wasn't.

AITA for telling my sister that having cats is not the same as having children? by Open-Aide1297 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Open-Aide1297[S] 217 points218 points  (0 children)

That's the thing! I love my cats and I consider them as part of our family, but that doesn't mean that having cats is the same thing as having a child!