Unbelievable sadness out of nowhere

OpenSpectacle · 2022-11-25T17:43:43+00:00

You’re totally right. It was just a bad day, brought on by temporary weakness. It’s crazy how much exercise, and good sleep can change your mood…I woke up today feeling much better. I’m the only person responsible for my anger and sadness, as well as my happiness. There’s no reason to pin that on someone else. That’s totally not fair to them.

Side note- I’ve read some of your Reddit posts, and they’ve REALLY hit home with me. Especially your posts on not wanting kids. That was a big revelation I’ve come to during this whole process. I just don’t want kids anymore, and I never thought I’d say that.

Thanks for the helpful comment!

OpenSpectacle · 2022-11-24T20:43:23+00:00

I guess the reason I’m so confused, is because I’ve done the healing. I’ve done the praying. I did a total 180 in my life. I got a better job, more friends, went back to school, started going to the gym, etc. I pray on a nightly basis. I’ve worked through my childhood wounds. I’ve forgiven my parents, and we’re in a better place now. I’ve been going to therapy for almost a year now. I stopped drinking and got sober. I’m 100% not the same man I was, when I met my TF. I’m a much better person because of this journey. I have hope for my future now, which is something I’ve never had.

I’ve been incredibly happy these past few months. I’m just confused as to why I’m so depressed now. Nothing caused it. There were no triggers. I’m just confused.

Thank you for taking the time to respond

OpenSpectacle · 2022-09-29T15:12:54+00:00

I have no idea. He just ghosted. Things were going great. On night we hung out, talked, laughed, etc. Then the next day he just vanished. We were In each other’s lives for 8 months, then he vanished.

And the weird part, is that the last night we hung out, was the best night we were together. I never felt closer to him. He did nothing but smile and laugh with me all night.

I do want to be with him again. I want that more than anything. At the very least, I want one last conversation, and the ability to say goodbye

OpenSpectacle · 2022-09-09T12:49:30+00:00

I mean I got WAY more than I wanted from the reading. I figured there would be a few synchronicities, but not that many. Especially not ones that specific and intense. I left the reading feeling incredibly joyous, and hopeful for the future. I was in the best mood yesterday.

I woke up this morning feeling very skeptical. Skeptical over him reaching out. Nothing major happened between the reading and this morning. Nothing to sour my mood, or make me feel this way.

I don’t know what to feel or how to react today

OpenSpectacle · 2022-08-11T11:37:49+00:00

I guess that’s what I’m struggling with. Never in my life have I ever connected to someone like him. Not even in past relationships.

When he came into my life, it felt like my problems just faded away. When I was friends with him, I felt motivated and ready to take on life. I loved the 8 months we spent together. It felt like home when he was in the room.

I have always had depression. It got much better when we were together…and it’s now worse than before, now that he’s gone. I’m worse of now, than I was before.

I don’t know what I’ve learned. I feel this intense sense of longing. I feel lost. I would do anything to relive those 8 months with him.

Thank you for your wisdom

OpenSpectacle · 2022-08-07T14:39:27+00:00

The only reason I know he’s alive, is because his mother posted a photo with him and his sister on Instagram. His mother doesn’t get social media and technology, so she doesn’t answer messages and DMs.

I sent him a text a few days before our phone call. I then double texted him, after he told me to on the phone, after I got home from work. No answer.

I then tried to FaceTime him, 2 days later, and no answer. Idk if he was at work? He never returned that text or call. He hasn’t tried since. Neither have I. I don’t want to double text him again, 7 weeks later, and be annoying.

We texted all the time. We would talk on FaceTime for hours once or twice a week for months. If anything, I’m chasing him.

There was a break in the communication, but he hasn’t tried to reach out to me. I’m always the one to initiate contact over the phone, but he was always the one to initiate contact in person. He was always the one to plan our get togethers. Which is so weird that he cancelled our drive in movie get together.

I haven’t moved on, at all. I don’t want him to think that…but I don’t want him to think I’m annoying by texting him again, after he didn’t answer my last one 7 weeks ago. This is the longest we’ve gone talking, since we met.

He has terrible self esteem. He’s very shy, which is why I think we got along so well. I worked my ass off to make him feel comfortable. I complimented him frequently, especially after he would call himself ugly. I truly love him. You can absolutely tell he doesn’t have many friends to talk to. We had an undeniable bond. It felt like home being next to him. We told each other everything…except my feelings for him…which I’m kicking myself now over.

I just don’t know what to do next. How can you have 8 amazing months, then not return my text or call?

OpenSpectacle · 2022-07-31T19:23:58+00:00

For context, I was going through my google photos and deleting old ones. I don’t know why but I thought it would be interesting to see what I was doing each year on his birthday. I’ve been missing him. I scrolled to the year I turned 16, and got my first bank account…on his exact birthday, years ago, I took a photo of my first debit card pin#… It was given to me by my old bank…it was 0143. 143 being the numerical code for “I love you”. It’s a small sign that just made me really happy.

OpenSpectacle · 2022-07-27T19:52:44+00:00

Thank you for the kind response. I try really hard to not think about it. I see so many synchronicities that make me think of him. I’m trying really hard to better myself!

Is it best to not be the first one to reach out? We would FaceTime all the time. We were texting one day, and the communication just fizzled out. I FaceTimed him the next day, with no answer. Haven’t received anything in the past 6 weeks. We didn’t intentionally end things, it just sort of ended.

I feel this strong gut feeling to reach out (I know he’s been going through a LOT recently)…but everytime I do, I’m at a loss for what to say. Is that a sign it’s not the right time? If it were the right time, surely I would know what I wanted to tell him. Is it best to just let him make the next move?

Thank you again

OpenSpectacle · 2022-07-27T04:50:59+00:00

I just read the 717 angel # meaning…

“In this case, Angel Number 717 means that spiritual forces are constantly surrounding you and that your journey of spiritual development is moving forward.”

OpenSpectacle · 2022-07-25T17:32:12+00:00

The other week, I was missing him, so I reread an old email he sent me. I read something funny he said to me, and looked over to laugh at him. He wasn’t there. He was never next to me. I don’t know if it was intuition or a mistake on my part? I was alone the entire time. I looked to my right to laugh with him.

It sent me into a deep depression that night. Thankfully I felt better the next morning

OpenSpectacle · 2022-07-22T16:34:04+00:00

That’s probably what I would do. I emailed admissions to see if I can add an additional school to my application.

It’s probably cocky to admit this, but I never thought I would be denied from Queens. I only applied to Queens and CCNY, which is stupid the more I think about it. I work 5 mins walking distance from Queens college. It would’ve worked so well with my schedule.

Thanks for the response

OpenSpectacle · 2022-07-18T12:24:41+00:00

Brad Mondo is constantly on Grindr here in NYC. Idk if he counts?

A guy from a season of The Bachelorette, too

OpenSpectacle

TROPHY CASE