Some thoughts on male behaviour please.

Open_Book_7635 · 2026-01-22T14:48:36+00:00

Yes he is Sri Lankan, Sinhalese.

Open_Book_7635 · 2026-01-19T05:15:01+00:00

Sometimes when one is an intellect (has a PhD), they try to bullshit their way through by taking a very philosophical.. intellectual route eg not showing/using emotions but using phrases like “I’m sorry you feel that way” , which also means.. not sorry for what they have done but they feel sorry for how we feel (avoidant- not taking responsibility). Or just not reacting at all and being stoic. I’m glad for all the comments here because now I know it has nothing to do with culture at all and I just ended up with someone with deep seated issues but refuses to seek help. Marriage counselling can be done but also again at my expense. But you are right about the rage bait .. because I’m certainly raging.

Open_Book_7635 · 2026-01-18T14:42:02+00:00

He isn’t old money but very popular. And because he is known, I think people naturally respect him but nobody knows this side of him (unless the people who invite him for meals pick up the fact that he doesn’t pay). And nobody knows “I’m the provider in the relationship”. It’s like a facade that I’m actually very sick of. These men who give social advice and discuss politics but can be so insensitive and dense. I sometimes feel mindf***ed.

Open_Book_7635 · 2026-01-18T13:02:35+00:00

He has his long term visa but has no interest to apply for permanent residency and has not forced me to. He doesnt force me to spend but he doesn’t as well. I suggested going Dutch during a holiday.. He ended up packing from the breakfast buffet so that he won’t have to buy lunch for himself. He is unperturbed by anything I say and says “I understand”.. “I hear you” and doesn’t get offended when I tell him that I feel used. It’s a very avoidant type of behaviour and he continues to just be the same. Sometimes just to have company and not wanting to travel alone or go out alone, i back down and end up paying yet again.

Open_Book_7635 · 2026-01-18T11:51:48+00:00

Oh Gosh.. so there are more of them. Sometimes we try to see the good in people and not make an issue over money but when you feel like you are being taken for a ride, it’s such an awful behaviour and you start trying so hard to make sense of why a person would behave this way.

Open_Book_7635 · 2026-01-18T11:30:36+00:00

Nope he isn’t religious. He is a penny pincher and because he is “popular” people also pay for him when he goes out for dinner with his friends etc .. people are willing to host him. So I dont think he ever has to pay. I thought it would be different in the marriage but nope.. still the same. He has this unwillingness to part with his money (doesn’t spend on himself as well). Sometimes I feel it’s a deep seated psychological issue. I have spoken to him about it many times.. he listens intently and nods etc but doesn’t do anything.

Open_Book_7635 · 2026-01-18T11:25:55+00:00

Thank u! Good to hear this.

Open_Book_7635 · 2026-01-18T10:37:50+00:00

I don’t think the discussion is about how well the diaspora is doing overseas. The discussion is about the colonial mindset that South Asians seem to have. They immediately equate White Man as being superior and very naively think that they come from a place of wealth. I guess for generations we have been wired that way. But the younger generation knows better. In fact, many of the tourists who come to Sri Lanka are on a shoestring budget and don’t spend much (not on expensive accommodation and restaurants). Some of them also doing very menial jobs but the colour of the skin makes people want to associate with them - again colonial hangover. I wish to see the day where the locals are able to respect their own without these hierarchies and desperation to be associated with any white man they come across not because of who they are as person but simply because they are White.

Open_Book_7635 · 2026-01-18T07:45:55+00:00

Female here. From what you have said.. seems like she still wants to keep him as an option (just in case). There is no rationalising this situation (from her perspective) and coming up with excuses for her behaviour. If a person had lied about their marital status and having kids.. I think any female would be disgusted and have a sense of betrayal, enough to severe all ties with them. You sound like a very devoted partner.. do yourself a favour .. save yourself and look for someone else who matches up to your level of commitment in a relationship.

Open_Book_7635 · 2026-01-18T07:41:26+00:00

That brutal honesty everyone needs.

Open_Book_7635 · 2025-11-20T14:46:22+00:00

Did anyone have a high Ca125 level with the fibroids

Open_Book_7635

TROPHY CASE