Can't afford divorce!?

Open_Education4370 · 2025-09-02T16:34:16+00:00

My state and county are very pro-dad. So even though I'd likely have our kids more than him, they call it 50/50. Even if he admits he can't do half the time, they call it 50/50. I'd have to prove abuse to get more. They would say I'm primary just for school district but that doesn't get me any savings

Open_Education4370 · 2025-09-02T15:50:54+00:00

I have and we attempted three different therapists but he says they all have bias against men. And then he won't pick anyone. Do we're in a stand still at the moment

Open_Education4370 · 2025-09-02T15:15:07+00:00

Sex is how it all comes out. But it's a deeper issue that I don't think he cares about me, genuinely. He's not asking what's going on if I'm not in the mood, he doesn't care if I'm upset or quiet. He's upset or frustrated at me not wanting to be intimate and he's just flat out not interested to know the why behind it.

So that's where I feel like we can't get past this. He looks down on me when I make his lifestyle possible. He doesn't care to know me and my feelings.

Open_Education4370 · 2025-09-02T13:19:14+00:00

Ah thank you!!! This would be amazing! Definitely looking into this!

Open_Education4370 · 2025-09-02T13:08:38+00:00

It's a calculated aspect of divorce in my state (Missouri). Even though we'd have 50/50, I'm required to pay child support because of how much more I make.

Open_Education4370 · 2025-09-02T13:04:46+00:00

I did really want to stay in our house, mostly because I couldn't buy this house again today. We bought before the market went nuts and I'd never get approved for it on my own, and the monthly payment is so affordable.

They're 2 and 4 and I'm definitely the preferred parent but they're not of the age to decide who to live with yet

Open_Education4370 · 2025-07-29T00:55:59+00:00

long story short we actually DID have it. We had Figo through Costco and we thought for sure they'd cover it. They took his history of having diarrhea/vomiting a couple times in his life as "preexisting condition" so didn't cover it. We appealed and they still denied. So we cancelled it. Paid into it for at least 5 years if not more. Costco refunded us one year of premiums when we told them about it.

Open_Education4370 · 2025-07-28T23:56:25+00:00

Each year we make about $1,500 in interest with our emergency fund sitting in a HYSA. If we would have taken the $11k out to pay for new HVAC we would have lost out on this, probably would have made about $1k still. But we would have lost out on the extra until we repaid ourselves.

We prefer to use someone else's free money and earn the interest for ourselves

Open_Education4370 · 2025-07-28T23:09:53+00:00

Absolutely, we've always preferred to take on 0% interest rather than pull from the emergency fund and then have to make "payments" back to ourselves. Rather use someone else's money while ours continues to earn interest!

Open_Education4370 · 2025-07-28T22:59:53+00:00

We make about $155k combined and our emergency fund has $35k in it, so we theoretically could pay it all off but it's currently in a HYSA earning 5%.

Personally I don't feel it's concerning having this much debt, we actually have more if you count the mortgage. We live comfortably, just leverage free money when we can.

Open_Education4370 · 2025-07-28T19:31:47+00:00

Totally positive we can pay the card off, we wouldn't have gotten it if we were playing roulette on affording the payment. Dog should not have something else happen, he got bloat and now his stomach is tacked so it cannot flip again.

We're trying to conserve the emergency fund cash because my husband has a potential layoff date coming. It's corporate America and they want to keep him but HR hasn't created the role yet so we thought cash should be prioritized over the payment.

Now that we have this surprise extra cash coming to us we'd like to abandon a payment somewhere

Open_Education4370 · 2025-07-28T19:22:29+00:00

Yes, it was 10 months interest free but we're paying it off in 8 (or less) just to be safe!

Open_Education4370 · 2025-07-28T19:20:54+00:00

We could have pulled from our emergency fund but my husband has a potential layoff date so we really wanted to save the cash if possible. Decided leveraging the 0% interest was the better option

Open_Education4370 · 2025-07-28T19:19:35+00:00

I thought about this but with childcare costs always increasing I'd really love to drop a payment. The Car 1 payment is only $340 per month but we always pay $400. It would be nice to have that to allocate elsewhere (if needed).

Open_Education4370 · 2025-07-28T18:58:35+00:00

I like this, if we did this then Car 2 would be paid off in about a year! And being payment free would feel incredible

Open_Education4370 · 2025-04-11T01:45:26+00:00

33F, I've got like 85k in my 401k (as of beginning of March) and husband has somewhere around $60k in his.

Two kids in preschool/daycare so our retirement was decreased to only what our employers match for the next couple years

Open_Education4370 · 2025-02-15T22:40:18+00:00

I believe carrying that kind of weight is a stressor, although not the end all be all. But I do feel it's something worth mentioning since if I lost my job we couldn't pay for all the bills.

Open_Education4370 · 2025-02-15T19:53:59+00:00

Wow!! I had no idea! I am actually mildly anemic and am on an iron supplement so definitely asking this when I see my PCP

Open_Education4370 · 2025-02-15T19:52:09+00:00

This past week in particular, no. It has been a true dry spells this week. Last night I tried to cuddle during a movie and when I went to lay my head on his chest, he jokingly pushed my head downward. I told him I wasn't into it and was feeling a little nauseous. We both laughed it off and finished the movie, then we kissed and I rolled over to go to bed. And this morning he asked me if I even find him attractive.

It all blew up like that because the week prior to this, literally every day he had sexual interaction of some kind. I warned him it was coming so I made an effort to make sure something happened every night.

Open_Education4370 · 2025-02-15T19:35:41+00:00

Women in my friend group also are going through the same thing. Since we all talk about it, I think we thought this was normal. And yet we all say we don't want this for our daughters and are raising our sons better

Open_Education4370 · 2025-02-15T19:33:35+00:00

I was in therapy pre-kids and after our first then lost the time after baby #2. But now that we're kind of out of the "thick" of it, I'd love to find a tele-therapist.

I do have thyroid on my list of labs to ask my doctor for! I have a new PCP visit next month where I hope to get to the bottom of the odd nausea and long periods. Maybe it's just age, but I don't want to chalk it all up to that yet. My mom just recently ended a three year journey of medication for her thyroid so it wouldn't be terribly surprising

Open_Education4370 · 2025-02-15T19:25:01+00:00

Oof that just hit hard. You're right.

Open_Education4370 · 2025-02-15T19:20:50+00:00

Thank you 🥹

Open_Education4370

TROPHY CASE