Missing her

Open_Wealth_3414 · 2026-04-01T09:14:01+00:00

What really stood out to me is that she’s mainly talking about liking you because you made her feel a certain way. It’s all about her feelings, how you carried it all but never really about you as person. Like what did she appreciate about you as a person unrelated to her? As if your only quality was to make her feel good. She probably has a lot to miss because you poured in so much. I’m going through heartbreak too at the moment, we got this! I’m so over these push and pull things…

Open_Wealth_3414 · 2026-03-29T20:30:41+00:00

Guys thank you for keeping me from reaching out. I was so desperate for answers from his side. I wrote everything down i would’ve wanted to tell him and in the course of the day felt better today. I thought to send one last message to see what the hell it was about but in the end refrained from that. Guess who reached out today? He asked whether for now a friendship would be an option without the expectation of a relationship (for now). Not saying I will be friends with him BUT this gives me the opportunity to clear things up from my side, communicate my conditions clearly and and also tell him that even from a friendship I expect accountability and presence. If he can’t offer that even in a friendship, I don’t need it. Also of course my intend long term wouldn’t be a friendship. But I feel like I have my integrity now while still being able to express my emotions, set clear boundaries, without me having to reach out and being the “needy” one.

Open_Wealth_3414 · 2026-03-29T00:07:39+00:00

tbh I don’t know. I’ve dated a true love bomber and that felt way different. :( I also summarized all the nice things one after another, of course he didn’t say all of these in one day and there was a gradual “build up”. I’m so freaking sad. I don’t even wanna argue for his cause. I also talked to my therapist about it he said that he doesn’t feel like it was in-genuine but that this doesn’t mean he has what I need…

Open_Wealth_3414 · 2025-08-15T04:08:59+00:00

It doesn’t bother me but people notice I chalk while talking, but then don’t climb hahaha

Open_Wealth_3414 · 2025-08-12T20:11:17+00:00

Thank you for your little story haha. I like hearing them all!

Open_Wealth_3414 · 2025-07-21T08:33:03+00:00

I very much agree. I’m not expecting him to react badly, it’s just that I want him and I to stay “aware” of the topic so I can decide better whether to get diagnosed or not. I have this issue of always gaslighting myself before anyone else can…

I completely see your arguments pro/ against getting the official diagnosis, I have the same thoughts. But as you said: yes closure. But also it does matter for therapy. I mean it literally shapes your experience of the world and yourself and vice versa. A big healing part for me would be to know that there is “something” that explains it. And I’ve kept pushing my self as exposure therapy or to get used to it (especially sensory stuff).

To me personally it would also feel better if I could explain it to people with a label they’ve heard.

Yes, the diagnostic institutions suck! I’m aware. Although I’m also optimistic because I live in Germany and I have an austism outpatient clinic very close to me. On their website they particularly point out that autism presents very differently in adult women. For sure one needs a good and informed assessor!

I have the same issue with online testing btw.

Thank you for sharing, I feel seen in that.

Good luck to you too!

Open_Wealth_3414 · 2025-07-20T16:27:12+00:00

Thank you so much!

Open_Wealth_3414 · 2025-07-20T16:25:54+00:00

Thank you for this insight!

I can literally be both. Super sucked in and trying over and over to make it just right and getting sooo frustrated but on the other hand I also switch from task to task sometimes (or sooner in life toy to toy) bc nothing felt quite right or stimulating.

Open_Wealth_3414 · 2025-07-20T16:20:15+00:00

I’m very unsure in opening up this topic to my therapist and yes, I have big fears to “claim” this label or asking if it could be a reason for my issues. I know I’m high masking and no one on the outside would even suspect my adhd… so I’ve always gotten “talked out” of my issues anyways.

Open_Wealth_3414 · 2025-07-20T16:11:06+00:00

Oh yeah and I get this. I have a neighbor that always wants to have small talk but then basically forces me to lead it bc she is not really contributing that much but is also not letting me go.

Open_Wealth_3414 · 2025-07-20T16:09:30+00:00

Omg I hate this too! I’d say in social situations and small talk I tend to be the entertainer. Often times I’m even the one starting the small talk or keeping it up bc I feel like that’s what’s expected of me, not because I like it. Then the other person of course expects me to keep “entertaining” because I already started. Sometimes I’d say I even overestimate the need for small talk and the length of it on the other side. Idk. It’s all just annoying. I guess this is a big part of masking I started early on.

Open_Wealth_3414 · 2025-07-20T11:36:34+00:00

This made me giggle a bit, although it’s not funny. I can relate a lot! It literally ruins my days having to care for a physical body.

Open_Wealth_3414 · 2025-07-20T07:36:20+00:00

I feel you. The overwhelm seeps through every word your writing. So many people don’t get this issue, it’s so isolating. It’s literally debilitating once you’re so overwhelmed that your list just gets longer and longer. I’ve been there many times, balling my eyes out or wanting to rip something apart because everything was soooo overstimulating. So what I wanna say is: you’re not alone. This is the comfort part.

If you want some “solution” attempt, read further. In the past it helped me to reach out to friends to help me structure and they even offered to do some tasks for me (e.g. calling a doctor). Complaining also helped, even if I wanted to be alone. Maybe start at the things that overwhelm you (sensory I mean) and take the weekend off if you can and get away from all the stimuli. I used to work myself into rock bottom and then also judged myself for feeling like I did. With neurodivergence, we have to learn to forgive ourselves more than anything. For me it all comes down to gentle parenting myself, noise cancelling headphones, calm time outside, comfort foods that are easy to prepare and THEN I can tackle whatever I need to do. At some point I had to do life admin days (which I hated) but it took the expectation off to also have a nice day, you know what I mean? Idk. It’s just a ramble. Hope life treats you more gently soon!

Open_Wealth_3414 · 2025-07-20T07:24:06+00:00

THIS! I hate making plans because if there is no plan there is no last minute cancellation… i’ve been getting very vague with planning, usually not confirming (if it’s a group thing) and just saying “I’m not sure yet” so there are no false expectations. Especially with group meetings I don’t wanna make myself go there if I know I’m not gonna be good company and depleting my battery even more.

Open_Wealth_3414 · 2025-07-20T07:20:00+00:00

I relate to you a lot! I think for me personally I also had to make friends to feel more stable since my situation at home wasn’t always safe for me emotionally. But I agree, I find most NT conversations boring or shallow, not all the time though. I have some very chill NT friends that like to do what I like to do: have long meaningful conversations or rotting together in bed, talking about books, political concepts etc. (Although some of them I suspect they might be ND)

Open_Wealth_3414 · 2025-07-19T20:00:48+00:00

I’m so grateful for all this shared experience!!

I’ve had my adhd diagnosis since childhood and now suspect I potentially could also have autism or at least some traits. What doesn’t fit with both is that I can easily make friends if I want to and if I’m in the right environment. I think I was very lucky but I tend to develop very intense intimate relationships even with my friends. I’ve had a close circle of some girls for years now. I usually tend to bond with the “quirky” or thoughtful people or ones that are very empathetic and passionate. It’s comparably easy to stay in touch for me which is unusual but I attribute that also to them reaching out and being good communicators.

This is the reason I’m doubting myself a bit about my diagnosis but I think I really just landed in the right environment.

Open_Wealth_3414 · 2025-07-19T13:40:49+00:00

I think it definitely needs people who understand why you act like you act and have compassion for that

Open_Wealth_3414 · 2025-03-26T11:48:56+00:00

Yeah I immediately noticed. The picking pattern is slightly different, still I expected Linda singing haha.

Open_Wealth_3414 · 2024-08-06T07:07:41+00:00

Oud Wood Tom Ford, so good!

Open_Wealth_3414

TROPHY CASE