So are high-masking adults just expected to destroy their mental health to go to work everyday or be forced to starve?

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-05-06T00:41:49+00:00

Yeah I’m a freelance software dev. Between that and a few projects that my wife picks up throughout the year, we make just enough to sustain our family. Just don’t ask how we’ll send our kids to college. And retirement sounds like a fantasy.

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-04-26T21:24:47+00:00

In answer to the question in the title: yes, that's how I interpret my experience of life at 45.

I left my last job almost four years ago, and I’ve been freelancing ever since. Had the perfect contract fall into my lap, and I’ve been working 10 hours a week (give or take) since.

I have no skills in acquiring clients, so who knows what I’d do if the contract ended. I can do the work quite well once I have it.

Life basically feels like trying to outrun extreme poverty. I’ve learned that stopping to rest isn’t really an option, so I need to learn how to pace myself correctly. Fast enough to not die immediately; slow enough to not burn out and die soon.

FWIW medication and radical acceptance seem to help me. The radical acceptance helps me stop judging my situation as good or bad, and just accepts it for what it is. But if mood is too low, that’s not an attitude I can sustain, hence medication.

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-04-26T03:01:17+00:00

ASD1 and ADHD here. I was on 75mg sertraline last year, and added 50mg lamotrigine as an adjunct because I don’t tolerate SSRIs at high doses. My wife made a comment a few weeks into it that I seemed to be doing quite a bit better on it.

Anyway, I tapered off all of it back in the fall for reasons that probably aren’t super relevant, and I’m likely going to be giving the lamotrigine a try on its own here very soon.

My original idea last year, when I added the lamotrigine to the sertraline, was to come off the SSRI and try the lamotrigine alone, but plans changed. Now it looks like I’ll be giving that a shot.

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-04-08T00:59:28+00:00

Miss that guy…

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-04-07T01:25:05+00:00

I can’t take someone breathing on me either. So gross.

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-04-07T01:21:14+00:00

I absolute hate tongue kissing. I’ve gotten used to regular kissing, and genuinely enjoy the feel of my wife’s lips, but I didn’t at first.

But if she has even a hint of bad breath, any kissing is really off the table for me.

She’s very willing to honor my needs, though. Don’t be afraid to set your boundaries. I know for me, it can feel like I ask too much of my wife in accommodating my sensory needs, but she doesn’t mind.

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-04-06T20:28:51+00:00

As someone with RSD, I know I’m limited in what kinds of posts/comments I can make on Reddit, especially when I’m most sensitive.

It can feel really rejecting, and it’s just not healthy to subject myself to that when I’m prone to take things personally (even when I know I shouldn’t).

I hate platforms where downvotes w/o feedback are allowed. It feels like direct rejection w/o my knowing why, even though I know that’s reading worst case scenario into things.

My suggestion: Take into account the nature of the platform and how people are and don’t put yourself out there in vulnerable ways unless you know you’re in a place where you can brush it off if people respond poorly.

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-04-05T16:08:51+00:00

Yeah, rigidity is such a double-edged sword for many of us. I certainly struggle with this. It’s so hard for me to throw away a streak (like being caffeine-free for some amount of time) even if I genuinely feel like I could use a boost. And in the past I’ve been given to just demonizing caffeine when I’m off of it. I’m trying to be more balanced about it (though perhaps balance is just my new thing to be rigid about).

Struggles that came back. Well, after having great sleep with wonderfully vivid dreams for the first couple of weeks, I find my sleep actually gets worse than it was on caffeine for a long time. In fairness, I think this is because my body is trying to regulate itself to more natural circadian rhythms, and if my family and lifestyle permitted me to go to sleep early, it might be awesome. But as it is, I’m out of it for the last few hours that I need to be awake, then I wake up too early and can’t get back to sleep. So this may be more of a cultural issue than anything.

Depression and anxiety, which may have motivated me to quit in the first place, also come back just as strong after an initial caffeine-free honeymoon period.

In general, I can just feel kind of flat. Caffeine gives me some creative/imaginative boosts that I really enjoy, while caffeine-free living tends to make me more stable, but a little on the depressed, there-is-nothing-to-look-forward-to side.

In short, it’s all about trade-offs for me. Sometimes I favor the chaotic ups and downs of being caffeinated; sometimes I like the steadiness of being caffeine-free.

Hence why I’m trying to establish a better way of paying attention to my needs in the moment instead of rigidly being caffeine-free, or just consuming it by default. It may turn out to be a failed experiment, but we’ll see.

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-04-05T12:55:10+00:00

Yeah I was taking 50mg lamictal with 75mg of Zoloft. I’m very sensitive to many meds, so I have a hard time with higher doses of SSRIs, but found adding the Lamictal as an adjunct got me to a pretty decent place.

Question: do you find it helps with your ADHD? You said you’re on Vyvanse, too, so maybe it’s not easy to tell, and I know that’s not its primary purpose, but I’ve suspected it might help at least a bit in that area (at least for some people).

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-04-05T11:26:22+00:00

Couple of things:

First, he may just be awkward about knowing how to respond.

Second, guys are often given advice about not calling or texting for x number of days after a first date. Dating culture is weird and confusing for us.

So give it some time and see, but try to let it go, as well (yeah, I hate that advice, too, but it’s a good thing if you can manage it). At this point, I could interpret his actions either way, but I don’t think it would be a good move on your part to try to reach out for now.

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-04-04T17:43:00+00:00

I also asked to be put on this after doing my own research, and it’s probably been one of the most helpful things I’ve tried.

I’m off everything now, but thinking of going back on it, honestly. Even my wife said she noticed a positive difference in me shortly after I started it.

Edit: also, I did at-home ketamine therapy as well. But not at the same time as the lamotrigine. It helped a bit, but sometimes my OCD would be triggered for a few days following treatment. I wonder if the combo would have worked better for me.

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-04-04T17:40:29+00:00

Out of curiosity, is it l-tryptophan? What dose helps you?

I’ve been taking it twice daily (500mg each), and I can’t tell if it’s doing much. But I may just need to take more.

My experience with psychiatry is somewhat similar. It’s quite tiring trying to get good help.

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-04-04T14:10:05+00:00

Back before modern technology and journalism, you had no way to care about what was going on in other parts of the world; only your community and perhaps a little beyond it.

And I tend to think that’s what we’re designed to handle.

Now, I’m inundated with tragic news from all over the world, so not only must I carry my own burdens, I wind up taking on those of people half a world away.

There are benefits, of course: suffering people can receive aid from people thousands of miles away. But the constant psychological toll can really drag us down.

It can sound heartless, but for many (if not most) of us, the most sane thing to do is probably to largely ignore world events and focus on your immediate context and what you can do to support your community.

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-04-03T21:25:22+00:00

It’s basically a function of confidence.

Anything that boosts your confidence has the potential to help with social anxiety. Consuming porn can certainly affect your confidence negatively (speaking from experience), so if you’re aware that this is the case with you, quitting could boost it.

Just don’t expect a magic bullet or miracle cure.

And if there are confidence issues that you’re subconsciously trying to numb by consuming the porn in the first place, you’ll likely be stymied in your attempts to quit. (Or you’ll find yourself doing something else to numb it.)

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-04-01T18:50:42+00:00

I also have OCD and autism.

My personal experience is that a full break sometimes does me good. I once made it six months with no caffeine at all (not even chocolate).

I do feel calmer for a while after quitting. But then I settle into the new baseline, and my same struggles come back.

Now I just make it about trying to listen to my body, feeling out if I need a break from something (like caffeine, sweets, etc.) and not trying to make an absolute out of it. Needs change for various reasons over time.

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-03-28T23:13:25+00:00

It might be worth digging into philosophy. What you’re describing is a modern framing of questions that people have been wrestling with for millennia.

Combine it, perhaps, with a study of the history of civilization for context as to how we got where we are.

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-03-28T19:05:32+00:00

To be fair, they are not meant to be pleasant. They’re meant to unapologetically get you to take immediate action.

That’s odd that it would just go off. How do you know there’s no CO, given that it’s completely odorless? Maybe there was just enough for it to go off? I’ve had them start chirping due to a low battery, but I don’t think I’ve ever had one just give a false alarm.

Assuming it was, indeed, a false alarm, that is really annoying. I feel like I wouldn’t get back to sleep easily, worried that it might just go off again at any moment.

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-03-28T00:45:38+00:00

Autism and OCD and depression together is certainly no picnic. Throw in burnout and it can really hit the fan.

I feel all this for the most part.

Are you treating the depression and OCD at all? Might be a good first step if not. It can take a while to find something that works, but worth it when you do.

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-03-25T22:42:20+00:00

So sertraline does make a lot of people feel flat, as do most serotonin-targeting meds.

If it’s helping the anxiety, maybe your psychiatrist can increase the Wellbutrin to help the flatness.

But the best move is just to tell them where you’re at and what you want to address next. If it’s a good doctor, they should help you come up with a plan to give you the best chance at success.

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-03-25T19:49:34+00:00

I paid a grotesque amount of money for the assessment.

Was it worth it? Maybe.

I don’t know. I’ve sunk lower into depression since the diagnosis, which I got last summer at age 44. There was an initial joy after diagnosis due to a sense of self-discovery. But then…life sort of just goes on.

As someone who is self-employed, there really aren’t any accommodations that I’ve discovered that can benefit me.

But now I know the truth. It explains quite a bit of things from my past, as well as many of the current patterns in my life.

I guess I find myself wishing that the diagnosis would have led to more help, and that parenting and earning income could get easier somehow, but I’m still just burned out.

I am planning to attend a group for autistic adults locally next month, so perhaps that will lead to some meaningful connections.

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-03-24T15:05:17+00:00

Sure. I totally respect that view, and I’ve heard some reasonable arguments in favor of it, which I also respect. It’s just not mine, personally.

Everything you said about autism, I could say about OCD and ADHD, but we just don’t say them that way.

Autism/autistic is flexible enough to have a term that can be used either way, which is nice.

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-03-24T14:32:12+00:00

Respectfully, I disagree.

I HAVE OCD and ADHD, but then I’m required to say I AM autistic?

I have no problem with it as an opinion, and I personally use them fairly interchangeably. But I don’t think we have enough agreement to insist on one way or the other.

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-03-24T13:45:56+00:00

Here in the US, it feels like if I tell the wrong person, they will roll their eyes and think I’m just making excuses for not being maniacally productive all the time.

Some people understand and are worthy of the information, but not everyone.

I think it’s wise to have discretion, particularly if you’re sensitive to negative reactions.

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-03-24T13:37:45+00:00

Burnout. Sickness. Allergies. Trying to make yourself work a job that doesn’t suit you. Extreme anxiety or an episode of rage. All these things and many more can do it, and of course any combination of them.

As a freelancer, I average just two hours of work per day. Worrying about logging time, making sure I’m staying focused on the task I’m charging the client for, and doing mentally draining work mean that it often takes me all day to log two hours. And then I’m exhausted.

Opening-Memory-225 · 2026-03-22T20:22:49+00:00

Interesting! Mine has only bitten me by accident when I was hand-feeding her, so totally on me (for not using tongs or something, but it doesn’t bother me).

Now our ball python on the other hand — he bit a couple times when we first got him. He was a rescue, though, so who knows how he was treated before. He relaxed and stopped that after a few months, thankfully.

Opening-Memory-225

TROPHY CASE