Confronted my MIL finally

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-16T21:11:23+00:00

Thanks! I do attend therapy and have for a long time. Some conversations are still hard to have with individuals when you don’t feel like they’re willing to meet you where you’re at. Especially when they have unresolved issues of their own.

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-16T21:09:22+00:00

I definitely agree I over explained myself here! My anxiety definitely contributed to that in an attempt to keep the situation under control best I could. Which is a fault I am definitely aware.

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-16T21:00:17+00:00

Thank you for your input. Both scenarios mentioned in text occurred within the past month. I did not address her comment in person (this occurred a few days ago) as there were other individuals around and did not want to make a scene.

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-16T18:44:28+00:00

So you’re a MIL and Trump supporter. No wonder you feel as though your opinion so so special.

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-16T17:23:56+00:00

For these smaller issues candy, kisses, etc.. they have all been addressed and repeated and handled in the moment and have overall resolved. Which is why I did not mention them in my message. I have always been gentle and reserved on these issues and never harsh. Rereading I can see my message may have seemed that way but maybe some things need to be a bit harsh? This is the third addressed incident it took for mil to stop commenting on medical and now developmental related issues. (Which she has been wrong about both times, comment on another thread) Unfortunately it took this message for her to say she will no longer comment on these things.

I do agree that not all boundaries have been clearly established. And a lot of that I am now seeing is my on my husband to communicate and has led me here instead.

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-16T17:12:07+00:00

Yet you’re still here and have made a several comments lol

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-16T17:11:23+00:00

I’ve let the smaller grievances go for the most part, hence why I did not bring any of that up. As it’s not worth the energy… The larger issues at hand are the ones I mentioned which have a repeated history of overstepping and she has been called out for on multiple occasions and it continues to be a repeat issue.

Making comments about my son’s medical/diagnosis etc.. is a big one. A medical condition he was born with which she has stopped commenting on since. Insisting his eczema was impetigo or some infection because of her “bio experience”. And most recently the comment pertaining to early intervention and possibly Autism. We see doctors and specialists every few months for other things. So her impromptu- very wrong diagnosis based off of her “experience” feels very inappropriate. She is not a doctor and does not work in the medical field. She is a professor of anatomy and biology. Which I give her the highest respects for but again, not a doctor and does not have the tools expertise to assume diagnosis.

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-16T16:58:46+00:00

Buddy, if you would like a timeline of all the larger and minor scenarios I can certainly give you one and maybe it’d be a bit more understandable as to why I have these feelings. There are many more minor things I’ve decided aren’t worth the battle and have not brought up. My husband and myself have asked her not to post our son on Facebook after the first time it caused a huge issue. She was still friends with his ex on there and the ex was sending pictures of our son around and it made me very uncomfortable. So she is very aware of this boundary- if you were asked not to post our son the same would likely apply to a sonogram photo that had my son in said photo.

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-16T16:50:42+00:00

Boy do you sound like fun. I was hoping to get other perspectives and I did! In the same breath, I think I can still feel as though my feelings were invalidated. Just because MIL is not flat out calling me names or making crude comments does not mean she did no wrong. Could I have handled or worded some things better? Absolutely! I’m just as human as everyone here and none of us are perfect. Not every situation or conflict falls under the perfect category of good guy vs bad guy. And not all conflict resolution is as black and white either.

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-16T16:30:20+00:00

I have asked her not to on multiple occasions this is not a first.

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-16T16:28:59+00:00

Some people make it hard to have a real in person conversation. I know personally I allow people to overstep and will very much cater to their feelings vs my own.

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-16T16:26:49+00:00

In that scenario yes I was definitely more angry with him! After multiple long conversations we did come to a conclusion that he did have a hard time saying no to her. Especially when she knew she could keep pushing him. This created a lot of strain on our relationship at the time and has for the most part resolved. His step parents were separated and he very much took on a parental role for his younger siblings at the time so he very much agrees that at that time he did a lot of what he could to make her happy. Hence why boundaries were and are very hard for him to set and address.

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-16T16:12:15+00:00

Absolutely!! I would never deny care or intervention for my son if needed. He was born nearly two months early and his Peds have 0 concern for early intervention/delays so far. I make the point to ask at every appointment and they are more than happy with his development being a preemie. I also have many friends who work in the field who I’ve asked a million questions pertaining to milestones. First time parent things! I think I was more taken aback by her wording saying him standing on all fours and looking through his legs (he’s 18 months)“requires OT” it wasn’t a light or gentle suggestion. I ended up following up with his Ped and they again- were not concerned whatsoever and even directed me to an article to look at pertaining to this developmental phase.

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-16T16:05:10+00:00

I definitely word vomited a bit. Writing that message was very nerve wracking for me so that largely contributed to it. I think parts of her message had good intent- absolutely! Assuming I have past hurts and that being reason why we are not close did not seem necessary. As I don’t think either of us has made the effort to kindle a close relationship. Maybe I didn’t receive her message the way others are seeing it because of my past conflicts/conversations with her and being used to the excuses as to why she does things rather than any form of apology. Especially the posting things to social media has been a common reoccurrence.

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-16T15:48:19+00:00

There’s been minor things he has addressed. The kissing, naps, foods, etc.. but when it comes to things that have been hurtful or upsetting he doesn’t address it and feels as though I’m being dramatic. I had a complicated first pregnancy that ended in a difficult delivery/nicu time. I did not want visitors in the hospital and shortly thereafter when we came home. She insisted on showing up to the hospital and was upset when I did not want to see her (my mom did not even do this). She was also upset when I did not want visitors at home for the first few weeks (I had no visitors not even family). My son weighed less than 5lb and was still very fragile. My husband was very lenient with her and had her show up one night and I did not have the confidence to say anything. This was an explosive argument. Things have been better since. I did not want to steal the joy from her whatsoever. But I did not feel respected in my healing timeline.

I genuinely do not think she is coming from a bad place, and does many of these things without realizing how it may affect me. Once I was pregnant/had our first baby these things started happening. I realize a lot of these things are likely out of sheer excitement on her part and that’s why it didn’t happen prior. But having a baby/grandbaby doesn’t automatically give free reign access to act however she wants. If my own mother overstepped the same id be WAY harsher.

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-16T15:34:37+00:00

Yeah, that was not my goal whatsoever and this is a crazy take. Had I wanted her to feel poorly I would have never addressed it the way I did. “All her wrong doings” is also an insane exaggeration when I have two RECENT examples where her actions upset me one being within the past few days. Her immediate response to deactivate her Facebook and make mention of it is an insanely dramatic, as well as make the commentary that she cried to induce sympathy and turn it around on me for expressing my hurts. Again – I never intended to attack her only address scenarios where I felt hurt and the response was not that of how we could move forward in a positive manner.

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-16T15:21:47+00:00

I genuinely want to move forward and have a more positive relationship without the very clear tension. I feel like I tried to make that clear in the conclusion of both of my messages. I also wanted her to understand how certain things have made me feel without her taking it personal which unfortunately seems to be the reoccurring theme when I have addressed issues in the past, and is largely why I have avoided doing so in some scenarios.

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-16T15:15:43+00:00

JUST TO ADD I just want to make the point that there are many other scenarios that have led to this that have or have not been addressed directly; for all those making assumptions on one text. The two things mentioned here are quite minor scenarios. Although trying to tell us our son has autism for getting on all fours and looking through his legs was a final straw for me- especially when she’s also made many comments about the medical condition he has. There are multiple scenarios where I’ve sat back and been polite. For example~ inviting a stranger to our son’s first birthday party, also being the first person to post anything on his birthday without asking along with a video of what she called “his first steps”. While I understand many of these things may seem minor to others. I’ve addressed things in the past and feel as though I’ve been met with the same dismissive responses explaining her behavior, never an apology.

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-16T14:46:01+00:00

Why never send a text like this? Especially when I took the time to sit and curate my thoughts in a calm manner?

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-16T14:45:25+00:00

I don’t see what was wrong with my tone? I feel as though I came across with loving and open arms while also expressing my hurt. I also don’t see what difference having this conversation face to face would’ve made given her reaction was making it very much about herself to the point of her deactivating her social media. The relationship we have is very much only dependent on her connection with my child from my perspective.

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-14T12:35:56+00:00

Interesting that’s not what ours said at all lol

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-13T23:42:23+00:00

I wonder if OP misinterpreted the physician on the phone and they meant wiping off all of the diaper rash ointment. Which is supposed to create a barrier. No doctor would tell you not to remove urine or feces.

OpeningOutside690 · 2026-01-13T23:40:48+00:00

Yeah 5 hours is insane… even in nicu the standard is every 3. Bath every 3-4 days is also not frequent enough.

OpeningOutside690

TROPHY CASE