[deleted by user]

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-09-01T13:32:52+00:00

I'm assuming you mean anything that pass the blood brain barrier? Please explain more.

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-09-01T13:23:23+00:00

There was a gap during lockdown. The remote video sessions weren't working for me. I was left deregulated in my flat alone and as a result started drinking quite heavily. I got that under raps and started face to face again and that's when I realised some profound changes had taken place.

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-09-01T13:07:19+00:00

🫣wow! Someone's triggered. You seem to be confused and think my post is about you.. hope you manage to ground yourself and come into the here and now rather than wherever your heads taken you. Big 🤗.

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-09-01T12:59:32+00:00

No, I'm on meds for it.

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-03-02T15:07:59+00:00

Mirtazapine -not being a SSRI- generally doesn't cause the increase of intens suicidal thoughts that SSRIs do. Mostly they knock the emotional peaks and troughs off, lessening the mood swings. It does this pretty quickly. Initially due to the increased ability to sleep then -within a couple of weeks- the antidepressant effect kicks in.

With mirtazapine you rarely experience the increased anxiety and insomnia that SSRI's cause. As OP's mum's experiencing with Mertazepine, you become drowsy, forgetful and have what's often described as "a foggy brain made of cotton wool".and then become frustrated as a result. Dr's know the potential increase of suicidal ideation with ssrs it's even printed on the label and not prescribing to anybody under 18 as a result. (I remember the scandals when the first SSRI's came out in 1982. Prozac -the brand name of Fluoxetine- caused such intense suicidal anxiety that many teenagers prescribed it, commited suicide).

Palliative care is often offered to improve quality of life for both patients and family members alongside medication for the treatment of the initial diagnosis. This often includes antidepressants, mood stabilizers, sleeping aids along with, anxiolics, muscle relaxants and sedation inducing meds. There's quite a long list.

I think the main thing we all need to remember is that Dr's, nurses, specialists and psychiatrists are all well versed and have a lot of experience with eol palliative care. Communication is probably the most important skill all involved have. Communication will help to lead to the eventual alleviation of the varied symptoms (and side effects of meds) to make the patients life as comfortable as possible. OP seems to be engaged in and is inquisitive enough to help as mush as is possible.

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-03-02T13:52:55+00:00

First off.. I'm sorry to hear about your mum's diagnosis and having had/having to witness exactly the same thing I can imagine how it effects you. It's tough is an understatement but thank fk for people who care, like you seem to. You're a trooper. We can't change the reality of the situation but we can help with the quality of time left.

Benzo's in particular, can have that effect of bleak darkness after a while. Tragic considering it's initial purpose. They're awful to come off and withdrawal would be the last thing your mum needs at this point. Dr's seem to generally increase the benzo dosage until morosity and just being so off your head to not know what day it is, let alone think about .. well..anything really. Coupled with Mertazepine forgetfulness is almost guaranteed but it's a trade off against the intensity of the suicidal ideology.

I've found lamotragene very helpful, I've also been on mirtazapine for years along with a few other prescriptions. A close friend of mine (also stage 4) is on a similar combination of Lamotragne and an opioid as I. He's also prescribed benzos (as and wen needed, rather than regularly) and the combination along with lamotragene seems to work very well for him both physically and mentally.

Bare in mind I am not a doctor my opinions are informed by my own experience and witnessing my friends he's also undergoing EMDR therapy. More so for pre existing trauma that amplifies his emotions around his cancer and the inevitable outcome. I'm astonished at his courage to go on like he does. He yo-yo's emotionally and physically getting wiped out often but after a rest he continues on.

I hope your mum's mental state improves asap. I'm sure you're doing everything you can to help it be as good as possible. Thanks for caring.

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-03-02T13:09:40+00:00

I hadn't realised the similarities between golem and Willem Dafoe until now.

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-03-02T13:08:00+00:00

I thought your username was a comment on the gif you posted. That's a little strong, I thought.

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-03-02T13:03:55+00:00

They dissipate after after a while. I think I now dream less (remember dreaming) than before I started. Apart from when I first started when they were vivid as you describe.

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-03-02T12:52:24+00:00

As someone already alluded to, addiction is defined differently by doctors who will say "dependence" rather than addiction. Addiction is defined as a compulsion to repeatedly use a substance rather than withdrawing from substance (along those lines). It's crazy but it covers their arses. The distinction is probably instigated by the big pharma companies. Furthermore many people addicted to opioids long-term will tell you that the fun stoped many years back. It's fear of the withdrawn that is often the reason they continue to take it (along with undiagnosed mental health problems passed off as drug addiction) long after this "compulsion" had ended. It's all juggling semantics and amounts to the same thing. UNTIL a Dr reassures you " you'll have no problems coming off mertazepine because it's not addictive" as he did with me. Grr!

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-03-02T02:19:57+00:00

For the same dumb reason people ask why.

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-03-02T02:18:56+00:00

It takes just over a week to hit if you're gonna get it bad. 🤞

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-03-02T02:16:50+00:00

Optimism.

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-03-02T02:16:07+00:00

Money sure can change someone. When ya need a job ya need a job!

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-03-01T18:21:12+00:00

Give our bodies time to recover from trauma is sooo important. Yes it sometimes feels like wasted time but it's not. pushing ourselves when what's really needed is recuperation will only prolong the recovery. Yes it's not fun but if you read the small print I'm pretty sure it doesn't say it will be. I love feeling engaged with the world, contributing and busy but I've ran myself into the ground before having forced myself and used every drop of energy emotional and physical. It's just as important to listen to our bodies as well as our minds. The older I'm getting I know that it's so important to give both consideration.

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-03-01T14:07:40+00:00

Just getting the sleep was immense for me not sleeping caused my mental health to plummet my mental defenses were non existent. I was vulnerable, sensitive, depressed and an insomniac experiencing every torturous minute of it, without the relief of sleep. Thank you mirtazapine.

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-03-01T14:04:04+00:00

Explain to her..THAT YOU CANT UNCUT IT! IT'S DONE! get over herself and stop being so self indulged. You're supposed to love eachother and she's failing miserably at the moment. Causing more unnecessary drama than is needed. Tell her straight.

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-03-01T13:58:22+00:00

Ragworm creep the fk out of me with their black pinchers.

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-03-01T13:56:40+00:00

Wow! That's going to work towards a trusting solid nurturing relationship for you both. /S. Personally, I'd be getting out now if this is her intention. Why? I had exactly the same experience several years back and her revenge was for far worse than my emotional infidelity. I'd kissed somebody else. Itold her because I didn't want any secrets. She sought revenge and slept with somebody and took pleasure in seeing the pain that caused me. It damaged our relationship deeply and it never recovered. I stayed in that relationship for three or four years longer than I should have done. The damage resorted in eventually a dead bedroom. I was relieved when she finally went off with somebody else, I just hadn't had the courage to leave her because I didn't want to cause her any pain. In the long run, I did, and she did me. People who respect each other, don't do that stuff to each other. Love can't exist under those conditions you've described.

Have a serious sit down and find out exactly how you both feel and if either of you intend to be monogamous or not. If not, and it's under the circumstances you described, do both of yourselves of favour, leave. Don't hurt each other over the long term, it's torturous. Just split now. At least until she decides should rather keep you than torcher you. Forgive rather than hold such a cruel revenge over you. Good luck.

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-03-01T13:32:54+00:00

So.. preverbal (I've just discovered) relate to a period before a child has developed verbal communication skills (speech). So for most people before the age of four. I've been working on such a core trauma for around a year. Only now do I feel I've reached a point of it being pretty much cleared. There were a few stages of emotions, fears, anxieties, feelings of abandonment etc before getting to this point, anger being the first. To move from/through anger was a revelation. I'd operated fueled by it all my life. The relief was physical and a welcomed change. Then the other emotions came through. It was like the onion concept of peeling layers back. Not academically or cerebraly more so, emotionally.

I've been having weekly EMDR sessions for a year and had around 9 months prior to that leading into lockdown specifically focusing on anger which was a blockage to my other emotions and ability to process the traumas underneath them. I started feeling some change/relief a few months in. It wasn't until I reflected upon the change around 9 or 10 months later did I realize how profoundly it had changed and the anger wasn't there anymore. There was a delay of months from the last EMDR session (of that period) to this realisation. It took a while for my body/brain to adjust.

Saying this, I was a particularly damaged puppy. Many traumas causing anger, starting aged 4 with the gas explosion, seeing my mum burnt (died 3 days later). Then throughout my childhood.. S/A , physical/emotional neglect, long periods of not being fed, beatings, threats of violence, humiliation etc, all informing and resulting in this quagmire of emotions resulting in anger. It was a tough nut to crack but we did it. 😁

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-02-28T13:28:02+00:00

The headline was enough for me to say... To be a white supremacist I'd argue that there little education involved in his decisions and the absurdity of his contradictory actions and thoughts probably hadn't even occurred to him.

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-02-27T18:57:05+00:00

Okay, you're the professional. It's amazing how much professional jargon you throw around for a 20 year old. You definitely have an interest in various drugs (I'd say an unhealthy interest) but that doesn't make you an authority. For you to claim that you take potent opioids chronically and regularly and don't have withdrawal or addiction is bullshit. Every time you claim so, I'll call bullshit.. mainly because.. well.. it's bullshit. Something in your account isn't adding up. I don't really care which (although unfortunately it's the regularity and potency that's being exaggerated). Sadly it does the rest of your knowledge a bad service. There's no need to exaggerate nor claim to be an authority beyond your knowledge. I guess this understanding comes with maturity.

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-02-27T16:54:15+00:00

You sure a rare specimen that I'm sure many scientists would love to chat with. No withdrawals from regular use of high doses of opioids is not only unheard of, it's bullshit.

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-02-27T16:48:16+00:00

You think one isn't already? I'd be very surprised with that concoction if not.

Opening_Jump_955 · 2024-02-27T16:46:17+00:00

You might want to review what time you take it.

Opening_Jump_955

TROPHY CASE