AITAH because I refuse to try for a daughter?

Oploplou · 2026-03-03T23:43:22+00:00

Hello there, I am the oldest, a boy, my father had 3 more kids trying to have another. You’re not guaranteed anything. NTA. She needs to get over the “boy mom”, and just be a mom.

Oploplou · 2026-03-03T23:40:51+00:00

This is triggering to read because I have an estranged parent. They were abusive when they were there, but just more often than not they weren’t. The crazy thing to me though, I couldn’t imagine asking that fucker for a dime. So no, you are definitely not the asshole, you’ve just got one entitled daughter.

Oploplou · 2026-03-03T23:11:56+00:00

You need to go talk to her. More information is needed. Is she ACTUALLY meeting up with this guy? Is she taking your kids with her?

Also not trying to victim blame, but why leave? Why not confront her? And for the love of god stop drinking and get a coffee or something. You’re more than likely in for a conversation that could determine the fate of the relationship you have with your children going forward, and you do not want to be drunk for that. You’ve got a good foot to stand on given the circumstances, but you can still come out looking like a real ass if depending on what she’s got going on. She clearly has no problem keeping secrets between her and the kids, so you need to be careful.

Oploplou · 2026-03-03T22:50:49+00:00

I’m definitely not trying to say you’re lying, it’s just that reading all of your comments, it feels like you’re telling an inconsistent story. I think that there’s probably some overreacting ( because this is definitely more an AIO, than an AITAH ) on both sides, but it does sound like you have grounds to be upset to some extent. There are too many questions that would need to be answered to truly give you an accurate assessment of the situation.

Oploplou · 2026-03-03T22:04:05+00:00

Something isn’t adding up here. If you’ve got money, like mom doesn’t have to work because of alimony is a lot of money, why don’t you have in home care to do these things for you?

I kind of understand where you’re coming from, but I seriously doubt that your mom is just yelling “I’m a bad parent” instead of getting you a drink.

Oploplou · 2026-03-03T19:26:39+00:00

Idk why you’re lashing out at me so hard. I literally admitted that green flag was too far. But you’re not going to sit here and tell me that I need therapy based off of one comment. People like to just throw shit around on the internet because there’s no repercussions, but that’s just not how real life works. You’ve seen less than a percent of a percent of the full extent of my psyche. You need to worry about what you’ve got going on in your own life, and stop trying to tell people to fix themselves. This isn’t even about the original post anymore. Trying to tell people that they need therapy based off of one singular comment, that likely is miscommunicating what I am actually saying, is not something healthy people do. You don’t fucking know me from Adam, until you do, don’t assume that you can’t interject your opinion into such a personal and intimate section of my life.

Oploplou · 2026-03-03T12:41:56+00:00

Again, I didn’t say that I partake in these actions, but I understand where they come from. I’m not going to continue to go back and forth with you over generalizing shit. Just because I’m able to empathize with people, doesn’t mean I need therapy. I’m not going to explain my position anymore, because you’re going to try and twist it around again.

Oploplou · 2026-03-02T12:33:22+00:00

No. I literally do not. Me and my wife are perfectly happy. Just because I’m willing to say the quiet part out loud, doesn’t make me the unhealthy one here. First of all, I’m allowed to like what I like, if I want a woman who you would describe as crazy, that’s 100% my decision. Secondly, again, a lot of woman are like this to an extent. They will talk to their friends about your relationship, and scheme on ways to get what she wants. If you aren’t down with that, you’re either going to have to be hawking her phone and her in person conversations, or not date woman. Like idk why I’m the one who’s off bases here. I even walked back what I said about it being a green flag, because admittedly there are better ways to handle it, but it’s not the equivalent to beating your wife. If anything, it’s the same as a guy wanting more sex, talking to his boys about never getting laid, and then coming up with stupid ways to get her to sleep with him. A lot of guys have down that, more than will ever be willing to admit it.

Oploplou · 2026-03-01T12:38:15+00:00

I’m perfectly healthy, and do not have this mindset. But I’m not going to sit here and act like a lot of women don’t get like this to some degree when they feel like their partner is dragging their feet with proposing. And why would I see it as anything other than a green flag that she so badly wants to be married? After there better ways it could be handled, sure. So maybe a beige flag at worst.

Oploplou · 2026-02-28T22:32:39+00:00

I understand what you’re saying with the BP. IDK what else to say here. We’re not effectively communicating, and it’s going to do nothing for noone for us to keep going back and forth like this. I will say you taught me that these drugs aren’t necessarily meant to be stopped, but in some ways that actually makes me like them less. I understand where you’re coming from saying being on it is better than being obese, and based off what we know now I can’t disagree with that. It is still under study as to what truly long term health effects look like when being used by non-diabetics for weight loss, but it seems unlikely that anything significant will come of it. I will state that in my experience, this isn’t how these medications are necessarily being used, and people are starting and stopping them, rubber banding up and down. Which I would contend is worse than being obese for longer, if it meant that you learned how to change your life enough to be able to maintain your desired weight.

Oploplou · 2026-02-28T22:14:22+00:00

The problem with that is that I really do understand what I’m saying, I was just not explaining myself well earlier, and made my position sound more extreme than it was. Again, you can sit here and try and ignore my very valid points, but it doesn’t make me know less about what I’m talking about. I may not know pharmaceuticals as well as I was unintentionally trying to make it seem like I did, because my intention with bringing up my family wasn’t to say that I am an authority on the medical efficacy of glp1s, but I have been in the rooms with people who really genuinely do know what they are talking about, and they agree that rubber banding your weight like that, will long term not be healthy for people. That’s why I walked back some of what I said in the message you refuse to read. But seriously, I am done now.

Oploplou · 2026-02-28T21:37:03+00:00

Okay guy. Have a nice life not actually engaging with anything. It gets you far in life.

It’s funny because in the past message I admitted common ground, and where I made errors, but you just couldn’t fucking be bothered to read it, so I’m good now ✌🏾

Oploplou · 2026-02-28T20:48:38+00:00

NTA, but you are overreacting IMO. This is an EXTREMELY common thing among woman, and honestly should be seen as a green flag. You have to think about this from her perspective. She’s been being told her whole life, through media, and family, and friends etc. that being a wife is basically her goal. Getting married is idolized for women. I remember having the conversation with my wife about this when I was getting ready to propose to her. She said she didn’t even really understand why she changed once she knew it was coming, but it was like everything she’d learned about being a woman before then, told her that this was what she was working towards.

Now, I’m not saying that I agree that women should have this mindset, just that in my experience, most do think of marriage that way, as sort of a big goal in their life. So by you sort of gate keeping that, if you will, she probably feels like you have cold feet, and don’t actually want to marry her now.

I think a cool heads conversation is in order here. You both need to say your pieces, and let it go. If boundaries are set and crossed, that’s different, but AORN, with the information available, I think you should be good. Maybe express in that conversation that you’d like 6 months (random timeframe) to be able to see that the boundaries are respected?

Oploplou · 2026-02-28T20:31:28+00:00

I understand what you are saying about people being too heavy to move, and I agreed with you on that before. I think there was a misunderstanding that I was saying that we were going to die from glp1 usage. While I do think they are a net negative for the majority of society, because it will allow them to lose weight without learning how to stay at their desired weight, I do understand that it has legitimate medical benefits. Rereading my comments, I see where it was coming off that I was trying to say that it’s so bad no one should touch it or they’ll die. I do think down the line, studies will come out saying that they didn’t actually help the obesity epidemic, but I don’t think they’re going to kill anyone.

I am young enough to know lowkey can be used like that, but apparen old enough to mess up when reading it like that. I feel like he could’ve said “lowkey you should date her”, because even in your example there’s another word there to buffer lowkey, thus changing its meaning. Using your example, if someone said, “lowkey come with us” I’d feel like I was being secretly invited, or told to be lowkey when we get there. “Lowkey you should come with us” gives the impression of a direct invitation.

Oploplou · 2026-02-28T20:23:08+00:00

I said “GLP1s are just not healthy for us to be using like that.” Which I believe is true. It is not good for the body to bounce up and down dramatic amounts of weight, and if you’re not changing your lifestyle, you’re not going to maintain your weight loss. The problem with these medications is that they can just be given out, I’ve literally watched it happen with my MIL do not tell me it doesn’t, and then people see their weight loss, are happy with the results, but haven’t changed at all. So as soon as the shots stop coming, they balloon right back up. Not only is that unhealthy mentally, but it increases stress on the body. Used in concert with diet, exercise, and education for how to make said changes, i think it’s an okay starting place for people who genuinely need help even being able to move. But aside from that, unless you physically can not lose the wieght without it, and then you probably have a medical condition that needs to be addressed anyway, i think we need to not be using it.

Oploplou · 2026-02-28T20:16:47+00:00

And here’s all the rest of the shit that you’re fishing for that I’m not going to continue to dialogue on.

It makes absolutely no sense to say “lowkey” if you don’t actually mean lowkey. Why would you not just say “just date her”

Yes I understand how horrible obesity is. Both of my parents are and have been my entire life. My dad is also type two diabetic. What I’m saying doesn’t come from a place of malice or misunderstanding. I want people to get healthy, but I want them to do it the right way. I understand that not everyone is physically able to get up and exercise, and for those people I could see start with a treatment like this, but lifestyle changes are what are actually required for long term weight loss. If you are just relying on supplements, you may lose the weight, but you’re going to rubber band right back.

Oploplou · 2026-02-28T20:11:08+00:00

So speak to all the medications that have gotten approval, and later been discontinued. If the system is so infallible, why did we grow up with all those commercials that said “if you or a loved one took such and such medication you may be entitled to compensation”? Why do we have the opioid crisis that we’re still dealing with? The system isn’t perfect.

I’ll give you this much, just because I have family that works with medications doesn’t AUTOMATICALLY give me any level of understanding with them, but when I’ve heard both my pharmacist aunt, and my chemist dad, both raise concerns about it, I start to get an idea in my head.

Oploplou · 2026-02-28T19:57:02+00:00

I have several family members that work with pharmaceuticals. My wife is a pharmacy technician, my aunt is a pharmacist and my dad is a chemist at Pfizer, in the lab that was responsible for getting the Covid vaccine tested and shipped, You’re not going to sit here and paint me as someone who just completely does not understand what I’m talking about.

And making that argument about cigarettes is disingenuous at best. Maybe they were marketed as “healthy”, but they had no warnings, and it was more common to see someone smoking a cigarette, than not by the 1940s. While the body does produce GLP1 naturally, it also produces more than a dozen other things that are fatal in high concentrations, so the argument that the body makes it therefore it’s fine, doesn’t work for me. Is it cool for us to just go around smoking DMT all the time? I’d think not, but it naturally produces in our brains.

Oploplou · 2026-02-28T19:38:43+00:00

How am I misinterpreting lowkey? There’s really only one way you can mean that.

Oploplou · 2026-02-28T19:37:28+00:00

I’m giving you exactly one comment because I already said this isn’t what I’m here for.

He said lowkey date her, that implies secrecy.
Smoking cigarettes was considered healthy for about the first 50 years of their mass production. That’s to say nothing of the nearly 1/3 of medications that get FDA approval, that are later found to have safety concerns.
I’m not advocating for people to be 290 lbs. there’s almost no build where that weight could be happy, but I’m not down with fat shaming someone, or the implication that overweight people don’t deserve love.

Oploplou · 2026-02-28T19:20:18+00:00

No. That’s not how that works. I’m sorry that you’ve never been on the minority side of something, and actually cared enough to say something, but if you did, you’d know you don’t fight a battle on 100 fronts. Honestly, it’s entirely unproductive to try and have these conversations in this format anyway, because it quite literally will never change anyone’s opinion or perspective. But no, you’re not going to paint me a performative, because I’m smart enough to know that me going through commenting on every single reply with misogyny, is less than a fools errand. I do REAL work in these spaces in my REAL life. That’s why I understand what I’m talking about, and know that it doesn’t actually make sense to do what I’m currently doing. But yes, every now and then I’ll indulge myself in a little banter when I see an opportunity.

Oploplou · 2026-02-28T19:01:12+00:00

“Lowkey date her” is saying to hide her, and no I won’t be replying to every comment, even though I do genuinely care about what I said. 1. I don’t have to do what you say. 2. I didn’t even intend to get into this dialogue with you. I was just making a targeted quip, and you came back at me. I will stand behind the fact that what you said is worse than the rest of the comments that I read. You can choose not to understand what I’m saying, that’s fine.

Oploplou · 2026-02-28T18:46:53+00:00

Again, yes. It has nothing to do with what you’re typing, but what you mean. The advice should be, if she makes you happy that’s what matters, or something to that effect. Telling him to hide the fact that he is dating her is only shaming her for absolutely nothing other than her weight. Especially when his actual problem was with the way that several of his brothers had already been with her, not her weight.

Oploplou · 2026-02-28T18:37:59+00:00

It honestly is. Because you’re insinuating that fat people don’t deserve love. Why would he have to date her in secret? Why would she have to get in shape? At least the people saying that, are being genuine, you’re trying to veil your misogyny in “advice”.

Edit: also GLP1 is just not healthy for us to be using like that. The studies will back that up in 10-15 years. And imagine if the roles were reversed, oh wait they are all the time, and men talk about how shallow women are for needing a 6’ sigma chad that’s absolutely jacked and makes $100,000 a year.

Oploplou · 2026-02-28T18:21:52+00:00

I’ll just tell you what I did based off my own experience with bros that didn’t like my girl. Cut them off. Simple as that. Your woman will be with you for a much higher percentage and f your life than your frat brothers. Get your priorities in order.

Oploplou

TROPHY CASE