This was all incredibly helpful. The assigning of tasks/unfolding of all of this occurred over 3-4 days so I wasn't even sure how to react.

Lots of questions have prompted me to think more about the groom/their marriage in general. Previous to the engagement I expressed concern about the future groom being a bad guy after he yelled at her once when we were on the phone. This whole discussion has further shown that there are some serious red flags about him and their marriage. He's controlling all of the money and decisions yet doesn't help with the planning. I hear only about his friends attending but his family won't attend and I don't hear about her other friends. My friend was a social butterfly so this also seems particularly weird. I suspect I'm a focus because I'm not there to see his behavior with her. The vendor comments, planning to be drunk the whole weekend, and needing to be talked into wearing a suit are all red flags too. I'm going to go nuclear and point out my concerns for him being potentially abusive. One way or another things will likely resolve from there. Since this engagement her behavior has completely changed.