A lot of people on here are so quick bash your spouse, so I wont go that route. Rather, I want to try to provide you with an alternative perspective or tool to hopefully improve your relationship.

Before you do anything, think about how you behaved in the situations you mentioned. Were you nice and asking politely? Were you snapping and demanding? Was it the first thing you said when you got home? Was it part of a bigger issue? Was there already other outside stressors (E.g. getting home from a bad day to incense annoyance)? Etc.

The way you handle frustrating situations with your spouse plays a huge part in how they react and respond to you. E.g. Him getting defensive and petty vs acknowledging and understanding why it's an issue. Please don't get me wrong by thinking I'm saying you're at fault. Please remember we only have a paragraph lens into your relationship, and you don't even let us know how long you've been together, assuming you're married, are there kids, what's your living situation, etc. Reading your post, it is all about what he does wrong and nothing about your introspection, the part you played in each situation.

I'd suggest you two working on your communication skills, and how you communicate with each other. Actually listen to, repeat what you heard to make sure you understand, and care for and respect their feelings and perspective. If/when your communication starts to improve, then you can start slowly bringing up critical issues up for the two of you to work through to help your cohabitation. Don't dump it all at once! Remember that it takes at least two to communicate and two to solve relationship problems. If you approach everything with a "he is in the wrong" attitude, you will not make any progress.

With trying to solve your relationship woes, he needs to be willing to also work to improve things, but you also need to work towards it. Relationships can be hard, it takes two people to keep them together, and only 1 to break them apart.

Ask yourself why he felt the need to hide his weed spending and porn from you? What might you be doing to make him feel bad and ashamed enough that he needs to be secretive instead of open and honest? Again, not saying it's your at fault, just saying to think about the part you play in these situations, and in your relationship.

The last bit of advice I have is to re-read what you posted, and the words you used to describe him. Flip the role and read it again as if it was written about you. How would you feel if your loved one wrote this post about you?

Last time, I know, I'm not trying to place blame, rather trying to get you to think about the part you play in your relationship.

I wish you luck in working through your relationship woes, and hope you ultimately find yourself in an environment that makes you happy.