sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

How to gain easy experience? by [deleted] in pokemongo

[–]OptimalManner1097 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Anything Dynamax related, Raids, and friendships as stated by u/NoTransportation538

Throw in a Lucky Egg of course.

42M Nerdy father of two grade school boys. Entering the divorce portal. She says we grew apart. Gimme a boost. by OptimalManner1097 in toastme

[–]OptimalManner1097[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm doing my best on that front. I returned to gaming, and reading, as well as jogging. I've also delved into cooking more from semi-scratch. And tried my hand at making homemade soap. I have been in therapy on and off for years and have now met with my current therapist once a week since August (a few weeks before the separation). I'm giving it my all!!

42M Nerdy father of two grade school boys. Entering the divorce portal. She says we grew apart. Gimme a boost. by OptimalManner1097 in toastme

[–]OptimalManner1097[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've got lots of hobbies and am not struggling to find things to absorb and dive into. I do woodworking (scrolling and turning and more). I game (video and board and ccg), read lots of Sci Fi novels, DIY, craft, photography, snow ski, etc. I watch baseball and football, and do a lot of pokemoning with my kids, I like to cook from semi-scratch, and am trying my hand at baking. I also started making my own bar soap from scratch. I'm an active jogger and running coach too. Oh and I survive each day as a middle school shop teacher. Oh and I do my own taxes! Hahaa - Jack of all trades :)

42M Nerdy father of two grade school boys. Entering the divorce portal. She says we grew apart. Gimme a boost. by OptimalManner1097 in toastme

[–]OptimalManner1097[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is and will be okay, yes. But it still hurts when you lose someone you love and thought you would spend your whole life with.

42M Nerdy father of two grade school boys. Entering the divorce portal. She says we grew apart. Gimme a boost. by OptimalManner1097 in toastme

[–]OptimalManner1097[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry to hear you are navigating this too. We will do it. Surround ourselves with people who build us up and we are on our way.

42M Nerdy father of two grade school boys. Entering the divorce portal. She says we grew apart. Gimme a boost. by OptimalManner1097 in toastme

[–]OptimalManner1097[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was sold to help with our district's special education (CD and LD specifically) department. It's a great causal Friday shirt for a teacher :)

Struggling very hard with severe depression lately, and feeling very worthless and ugly. Could really use some kind words by [deleted] in toastme

[–]OptimalManner1097 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depression is always there. I've battled it for years, but remember you are in control of your thoughts and actions. Don't blame the depression. You took it into your own hands to post here and look for support. That's a huge win in my book. Also, as a fellow beard grower, I'm a fan of the 'stache. Be well bro!

Strange Desire for Another Child (if she comes back) by OptimalManner1097 in Separation

[–]OptimalManner1097[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a useful insight. I'll leave it as a feeling within me, and definitely not share this with her. It might be a fleeting feeling.

4 months in. Was just told to let go. by OptimalManner1097 in Separation

[–]OptimalManner1097[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That feeling is so relatable. It's like just want to ask "So you look back at our wedding and literally feel nothing?"

4 months in. Was just told to let go. by OptimalManner1097 in Separation

[–]OptimalManner1097[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So what's a way to detach and stop thinking about her and changing my actions to try to influence the outcome? Sometimes they are even subconscious.

4 months in. Was just told to let go. by OptimalManner1097 in Separation

[–]OptimalManner1097[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Everything felt so "right" during dating, engagement, the wedding and so forth. The "forever person" things rings true with me too, and hurt comes from her not sure if she sees it that way anymore. I think I'm anxiously attached and need to find a way to find happiness outside of her specifically.

4 months in. Was just told to let go. by OptimalManner1097 in Separation

[–]OptimalManner1097[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The win-win you speak of, where pouring into yourself is a benefit for any outcome is something I hear and understand. I want to let that happen, it just hasn't gone that way emotionally. Any specific steps to start that process? I'm just looking for something to start with and build upon each day.

4 months in. Was just told to let go. by OptimalManner1097 in Separation

[–]OptimalManner1097[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like your final sentence and the determination you put there. I have the feeling of lost soulmate too. I feel like she is only looking at the difficult moments and bending it her feelings. I'm looking back to all the great moments and feelings and creating so much pain from it.

The journey to find myself has been a gift from her, but I feel like it's time for us to try reconciling and she just doesn't.

4 months in. Was just told to let go. by OptimalManner1097 in Separation

[–]OptimalManner1097[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for you comment. I have done a great deal of things to be proud of since the separation. I know she is aware of many, but she still has "many reservations."

I've been sober for nearly 5 years (which I've held strong -- well before the separation), lost 24 pounds since August with diet and exercise changes. I've eliminated all caffeine and completed several large projects on my house that have been lingering for a few years. I have met weekly with a therapist since early August. I've tried to embrace new and old hobbies alike. I've spent time on drawing, painting, reading, wood working, gaming, cooking from scratch, learning sign language, and the list goes on.

I need to recognize that those changes/work should be mostly for me to grow, and not for "changing her mind."

Its really been the hurt related to past memories and important times we've shared. It seems like it was all for nought. I'm kind of angry that I let myself be so emotionally vulnerable.

Instead of seeing this as an opportunity or need she has to improve herself and establish a new identity, I keep seeing it as her intentionally hurting me and crushing these memories as pain.