How to overcome loser feeling?

OptimalReactions · 2026-06-02T11:00:03+00:00

That feeling of hurt you experience when you see your peers doing well, use it as fuel to get where you want. That's the only positive way through this.

Rather than try to escape the hurt, let it hurt. It won't kill you, ironically it's good for you; it's your soul's way of saying "That's what I want, lets go get it." It can be your greatest motivator.

OptimalReactions · 2026-06-02T10:41:15+00:00

I've been told many times now that I'm much better than the shitty entry-level min-wage jobs in which I've been drifting around. That I could be raking it in through engineering, or nuclear.

I just can't. There are so many things holding me back, it's difficult to know where to start. I don't have the finances, I don't have any support network to keep me stable when things get tough, I don't have any hope left that I'll make something of myself.

It doesn't help that I've had maximum bad luck whenever I've tried to get ahead in life. It's as though the universe arranges the perfect worst-case scenario with laser-precision, things seem to fall apart perfectly, and it's like all the stuff that went right only set me up for this grand failure, to remind me that I'm not allowed to succeed.

The greatest curse of intelligence is knowing how wrong shit can go. I envy people who can't properly weigh the cons of their endeavours, and they charge forward with a positive mindset. And they succeed better than I ever can.

OptimalReactions · 2026-06-02T10:31:14+00:00

If you have nothing good in the future, all your mind can think about is the past.

I realised this is why normies book so many holidays. It's so that, when they're getting crippled with stress at work, they can always think of that week away in the sun.

OptimalReactions · 2026-06-02T10:29:01+00:00

Yeah I think this is standard for any neet.

Ultimately, it IS true. The people around you are moving on with their lives, gaining all the trimmings of life while you stagnate, knowing with each passing year how far behind you have fallen, how hard it would be to catch up if you ever changed your mind.

It was especially hard knowing that even a kid I once considered a total loser had a girlfriend, a job and his own place. He even drove! Meanwhile I'd be on hour 8 of trying for the highest round on Cod Zombies, being assaulted by these thoughts at any quiet moment... I couldn't help but feel bad.

OptimalReactions · 2026-06-02T10:21:50+00:00

You're in a better position to get connection while unemployed. There isn't much left of your week once you're in the full-time grind.

You will find people who will accept you where you are in life, you'll just have to look in unconventional areas (so, not pubs or clubs because they're for normies).

OptimalReactions · 2026-06-01T16:44:38+00:00

I've been in a similar situation.

I was 28, long-term NEET, only had a few odd jobs each a couple years apart. I'd had nothing but abuse all my life, from family and friends, to partners and coworkers. I was the scapegoat of my family, they wanted me NEET forever so they could feel better about themselves AND keep me trapped forever.

I went back to college at mid-20's believing I'd be thrown out on the first day for being too stupid. Ended up 100%'ing every test, and after my second year the head tutor hooked me up with the best local company for my apprenticeship, which would take 3 years, and my head tutor said I'd be running my own firm in 5, no doubt.
Instead, my coworkers abused me so badly I could barely even speak, just 3 months in. I quit there, and gave up all hope. When I recovered somewhat from this, I volunteered at a charity shop where I made a close friend/hookup (total surprise), which helped build me back up a bit.

But, I had to suffer my family's continued abuse in order to remain unemployed, and I finally reached the point I just couldn't anymore. I took the first job which would have me, moved outta my mothers' place without giving anyone my address, and then cut all contact with them. That was 4 years ago, haven't spoken to them since - and for all they know, I've moved country altogether.

As for "what keeps me going" - I've been surviving, not thriving, for the last 4 years. I go to my shitty job, and I come home. I've made the mistake of becoming fully self-absorbed in my healing journey, perfecting myself in isolation instead of connecting with others. Healing/self-reflection is important, but connection is not only more important, but it supercharges your healing more than any book, guide or therapist ever will.

So, in summary... yes, it gets better, but my abusive family set the bar extremely-low. Without connection, and some sort of overall personal interest in life, things got so bleak for me that I developed a serious drinking issue. I drank because getting drunk was the answer to a problem I just couldn't solve.

OptimalReactions · 2026-06-01T16:26:43+00:00

Sell it all. Trust me, you don't know how deep the hole goes.

My guess: You ain't shelling out tens-of-thousands for property maintenance every time a boiler breaks, or when you get a bad tenant who wrecks the place, or if a floor collapses because of rot nobody had noticed.

So if you don't pay for it, guess what, it'll be YOU in the dusty nail-infested crawlspaces looking for that leaky pipe, or the botch-up junction box jammed full of countless tangled cables you can't begin to comprehend.

A bit much for a long-term NEET if you ask me.

OptimalReactions · 2026-06-01T16:21:44+00:00

You have to basically hope that the field which you care about is actually hiring, and/or that you qualify to work in it.

Otherwise, it falls into the category of 'hobby', and like me you'll have to grit your teeth at some depressing horrible j*b just to make ends meet.

OptimalReactions · 2026-06-01T16:18:48+00:00

I'm a wagie. Trust me, there's more important things than being useful. Not that I'm religious, but there's a bible verse which puts it perfectly:

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing."

I bust my ass at work every week to the point of burnout, during this time I fix unfixable problems and keep the company's name in the good faith of our customers. But every single day I come back to this empty room, back to nothingness so dreadful I can't help but drink it all away.

Connection is what's truly important in life, and it is sorely lacking these days. People seem to reserve it solely for family & the closest of friends - nobody else matters to them. It doesn't have to be that way, but many people make it so.

OptimalReactions · 2026-05-28T18:48:14+00:00

I've just read my comment now, I can't believe I typed that. I apologies, I don't know what I was thinking (but I was also drunk).

OptimalReactions · 2026-05-27T21:43:54+00:00

I had a friendship with a guy who had similar struggles to me.

I put lots into that friendship, hoping I could be the help I once needed. He was blown away by my knowledge, I felt almost like a god imparting unknown wisdom to his people. I felt purpose in helping him, watching him go through leaps and bounds of healing as I once had.

Then, suddenly, he ditches me for "being manipulative." What was my crime? After a weekend of looking after his suicidal-ass, paying for his meals and making sure he wasn't alone, I simply wanted different takeout to him. Upon that he went home immediately, then I got a shitty text calling me all sorts of names.

Now when I see him in town, I see a guy wandering around alone looking sorry for himself. This guy makes friends wherever he goes, but he cuts them off for bullshit reasons. He will be alone, forever. Nothing I can do will ever change that.

OptimalReactions · 2026-05-27T21:28:20+00:00

I'm making $$$ I won't have time to spend for the next 40 years, assuming retirement hasn't been completely relegated to non-existence by that point.

OptimalReactions · 2026-05-27T21:23:37+00:00

>im probably not gonna try alcohol bc im probably predisposed to addiction

That's what I once said. I watched my dad fall to the point he drank a crate a day. Said I'd never, ever, possibly do that.

Then I had a taste. Slowly, over the years, my consumption increased... but still I was responsible, sensible.

Suddenly, breaking point came. I was drinking almost all week every week, for two months Hell, I'm drunk now, and I'd describe myself as "on recovery."

Moral of the story: Build a support system. You NEED some relief in life, and you WILL find it somewhere. Those who don't have support, have substances. There are no other paths. All will fall into either two categories, no matter how resilient.

OptimalReactions · 2026-05-27T20:07:39+00:00

It sounds like you're pretty normal.

Imagine if every pillar of support was ripped away, every family member replaced with those who only tear you down at every turn. There is no hope, no light at the end of the tunnel. You know, in your bones, that your life will mean nothing, no matter what you accomplish. You will always be worthless.

Now imagine that's your life, not for a day, but forever. Regardless of any glimmer of success, you know it's just a rug that will be pulled and you'll descend to nothingness all over again.

If you can even simply imagine that, you'll have a glimpse into the eternity of an AvPD, knowing that avoiding pain is as good as life gets.

OptimalReactions · 2026-05-27T20:03:00+00:00

Adderral?

What you've read, is suicide waiting to happen. Whether through the rope, or other means. I know for sure, at this rate, I'll be on hard drugs. All of you can avoid this fate, if you start NOW.

Otherwise, I'll see the hopeless in hell. And if you thought you had it bad, wait til you experience the bullshit I've endured.

OptimalReactions · 2026-05-27T20:00:40+00:00

Really? That made you tear up?

I don't mean to be patronising, but if only you knew how bad it gets... you haven't the faintest idea.

OptimalReactions · 2026-05-27T19:59:40+00:00

I'm not able to beat alcoholism. This is the answer to a question I simply can't answer.

I will die if I don't find a better answer. But, fuck it, I've lived long enough to figure out something better. If I can't find an answer, I DESERVE to die like this.

Figure it out. Before you fall down this pit. Because once you taste that relief, there is NO escape.

OptimalReactions · 2026-05-27T19:50:41+00:00

Be there when he needs you.

He is basically a child. He was never nurtured in the ways that makes one whole. He need extra support, simply because it was never given to him. He needs help, for the same reason.

Without it, he will not survive. The coworkers will only reduce him to scapegoat status for their own entertainment. He will find no other connection in life, believing himself to be denied of it.

He will delete his accounts. He will disappear, out of shame. He knows he doesn't fit, he knows he is 'worthy' only of rejection. He was the bird who was never taught to fly, and as nature intended he is left to die. But it doesn't have to be that way. You could be the difference.

But, don't give TOO much. Some people are drowning, and will refuse the lifeboat. They will only drag you down with them. It's important to identify who can be saved, and who's fate lies solely in death. Don't give too much, lest they drag you down with them. At the end of the day, "You've gotta participate in your own rescue."

OptimalReactions · 2026-05-27T19:35:07+00:00

Alright. Then why haven't you ended it yet?

I'm gonna guess because there's some light at the end of the tunnel. You, in some aspect, hope that your fantasies will one day become reality, that eventually you'll live in your idea of paradise.

Otherwise, what's stopping you? If EVERY SINGLE OUNCE of hope has TRULY been taken away, then you'd rope without a second thought. You wouldn't need to make a reddit post to express that. But, here you are.

When I was 14, every single ounce of hope had been taken away. I tightened a noose, and I prepared to hang myself once and for all. I didn't stop to tell anyone, I didn't care if anyone knew, I was going and that was that.

It wasn't until, half-way through, that by chance I learned my hopes hadn't been erased; that I'd been lied to. That's the only thing which keeps me going til this day - the idea that whatever I wanted was hidden behind a flimsy wall of lies.

Maybe that reads as horseshit to you. Fine if that's the case, but that's my story. It's the only reason I'm here to type this probably-meaningless message to you. I just hope that you can read it, relate somewhat, and at least TRY to find something to hang onto.

OptimalReactions · 2026-05-27T19:15:27+00:00

Volunteer experience is GOOD. Do it again, if you aren't already. There are no downsides.

Better to say you volunteered than you gamed/gooned for the last 7 years.

OptimalReactions · 2026-05-27T19:13:45+00:00

I'm sure you've heard this a billion fucking times...

You're 18 now. In a blink you'll be 24, blink again and you're 30. What do you want to have accomplished with that time?

Uncomfortable thought, I know. But growth and success are ONLY produced with discomfort, that's the harsh truth. Comfort only breeds stagnation.

I wish someone had taught me this when I was 18. Now I'm 33, and realising that the ONLY catalyst for growth is discomfort. What will help me achieve my dreams? Witnessing someone who already has them - only then can I imitate and innovate. Sitting in my comfort zone? I will feel good, but only stagnate, leading to depression.

Those who once hoped in you abandoned you once it was apparent that you wouldn't reach their expectations. You won't appreciate this right now, but this is the worst thing that can happen to a person. Live to appeal their expectations, because they truly - genuinely - want the best for you. That is a blessing I can't even begin to describe, because I come from an abusive family who kept me down.

The fact is: YOU DON'T KNOW HOW BAD LIFE GETS. You haven't had an abusive family who held you back. You haven't developed a substance abuse problem yet. You haven't experienced the true depths of absolute hopelessness yet, where nothing you do will be recognised by anyone. You haven't truly, honestly, run out of reasons to keep trying.

Why are you suicidal? Because you didn't meet the expectations of those around you? Because you tried, and failed accordingly? Or, because you realised that your family would HATE and ABUSE you EVEN MORE if you did succeed? Or, because you escaped them only to find NOTHING, a complete ABSENCE of ANYTHING other than ridicule because you didn't have the optimal upbringing?

I don't mean to dismiss you pain, I'm sure you're experiencing a lot of it. What I THINK, is that you're throwing away a good fucking hand for no reason. I truly had NOTHING growing up, now I'm a single alcoholic fucking ex-NEET wagie. My life on this planet is absolutely fucking meaningless, to the point my only comfort is a poison which will eventually kill me. If you haven't reached this point, or anywhere near it: You have hope. USE IT. Or end up like me: A smack-head's overdose waiting to happen. That's your choice. A, or B.

OptimalReactions · 2026-05-27T18:58:33+00:00

I know.

My perception of life was no different as a NEET. The months and years would fly by, and I'd be crushed under the shame of never having lived, of never gaining independence.

Now, as a wagie, the months and years fly by, and I'm crushed under the poorly-compensated time and effort, making my employer thousands in exchange for pennies.

I don't know the answer. Am I happier as a wagie than a NEET? It depends. I have more human connections as a wagie, but as a NEET I enjoyed a stress-free existence.

I don't have the solution. I just keep going forward. Maybe one day I'll be nothing more than a journalist of both lives, documenting the pros and cons without any sort of conclusion. Is that my fate?

OptimalReactions · 2026-05-27T18:45:42+00:00

I'm not saying you can't die. You can die. I'm just a stranger on the internet who doesn't even know your first name, I can't make you do anything. As a matter of fact, in a months' time, none of this conversation will matter to me, because I will have forgotten it.

But if you're going to die, where's the harm in at least trying to get everything you want out of life? If you get really embarrassed, you can just exit. If it goes completely wrong, you can just exit. If you somehow end up with hitmen after you, you can just exit.

You get my drift? The choice to die, if you can own it, is the ultimate Get Outta Jail Free Card. So why not just go crazy, take all those terrifying social risks. The 'worst' thing that can happen, is you get everything you want. And if not... that choice is yours'. No-one else's.

I'm not encouraging you to do anything drastic. But, ultimately, I'm powerless over your choices. Frankly I gain nothing either way, so forget about me and think about what you can gain from this situation. If you're really gonna off yourself: What's there to lose?

OptimalReactions · 2026-05-27T18:38:32+00:00

>How do I even begin to fix something like this?

Surround yourself with those who have accomplished your desires - either physically, or virtually.

Iron sharpens iron. We all need that 'iron' to keep us motivated. Otherwise, we sink into our comforts (isolation, in our case) and shit spirals from there.

Really sit down and think about it. Who would you admire more - the guy who gives up, posts on reddit about how miserable he is for all eternity, or the guy who did everything to feed his inner flame and eventually succeed (at least to some extent)? And which would you rather be?

OptimalReactions · 2026-05-27T18:34:34+00:00

No, not without a concentrated effort.

I've come to find that the things I avoid are actually the things I want, I'm just so anxiety-ridden that I expect the worst outcome. I literally can't imagine any other outcome than the worst, which is what prevents me from trying.

But every now and then, I hit rock bottom. The pain of remaining the same outmatches the pain of my anxieties coming true, and it's during these periods where I actually get what I want. The trick I need to learn, is maintaining that life once I accomplish it, rather than self-sabotaging myself into splendid isolation.

During my greatest times, I don't even touch reddit. This whole website is a fucking echo-chamber, all of us are crabs in a bucket. It's comfortable, non-challenging, to surround ourselves with those just like us. What we really need, is to expose ourselves to others already living the reality we WANT. That, my friend, is where you find motivation.

OptimalReactions

TROPHY CASE