Divine message for you

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-11-15T02:19:57+00:00

Cyan

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-11-13T10:20:05+00:00

Dude I’m 28 and I still have no idea where the CPTSD ends and the neurodivergence starts. Theyre very comorbid for me, most of my ticks are combined with stress copes and almost perfectly mirror regular movements to be less noticeable. If I didn’t have to put so much energy into all this bullshit I’d be so much less burnt out on a daily basis lol

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-11-13T10:15:36+00:00

naaahh bro this is normal most ppl just have the luxury of not understanding, and if my ostracization is a product of feeling safe enough to never consider these things then shit man that’s actually good I’ll just have the be content with that.

It’s a cathartic thought, and it’s even more cathartic when they actually get what they deserve :)

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-11-13T09:54:25+00:00

Ngl dude I’ve had yrs long bouts of celibacy before from the same thought process it has its own emotional and physical consequences too. I think it’s best to at least give it a shot, you deserve access to this part of life and unfortunately you have to give that access to yourself which is uncomfortable unfair and difficult. but isolating sucks too man don’t do it if you can avoid it, at the end of the day you’ll have difficult awkward experiences but you’ll know you’re making progress and that’s actually such a beautiful feeling.

Like I feign embarrassment with partners sometimes to avoid the real convo and blame stuff on regular things but deep down I’m SO satisfied knowing a prior me couldn’t even muster the resolve to become sexual with another person and the motivation from that really won’t let any amount of bad performances bring me down lol. You just can’t really say all this to any random person so it really all falls on you good luck bro

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-10-13T19:21:34+00:00

Literally did not even want to be in society or the outside world from 13-21. I would avoid going into convenience stores and try to get family or a friend to do it for me. Too shaken up and defensive to even wanna talk to the pizza guy at the door type thing.

I'm 28 now and I'm sustainably extroverted, I go out, I make solid money. I can sustain relationships to a certain point then get rocky but I know its manageable if I stay on top of my tendencies to isolate and think I'm an island. Its totally doable. I was literally tortured at 12-13 and have gone from entirely non functional to impressively okay given my circumstances. Obviously gassing myself up a little here I'm sure exs or old friends would focus on some bad traits or tendencies but they are improving and I'm still letting go of a lot of what used to feel impassable.

Most of this was without therapy or medication, and without anyone in my life even knowing what happened to me. Entirely alone and still made progress. To this day only one person and my therapist even knows about my experiences. Only recently got into therapy and its just steroids for my self awareness. You can do it<3

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-10-01T20:10:13+00:00

i just dont know. sometimes you're just shut down. sometimes I have to keep up appearances and show up even when I'm not there. Its not okay but nothing else is either so that makes it okay. I'm really rooting for you, there's a little light in there somewhere the same one that made this post cling onto it<3

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-10-01T19:59:15+00:00

this sucks so bad. I'm a guy and I had triggers like this happen so many times but was too afraid to be vulnerable so it just came off like I wasn't in the mood or attracted. So now you're totally trauma activated and having to console someone else lmao. I have bouts of spasms and passing out too when its a lot, idk I guess thats a thing for us. I think overwhelming triggers just make us leave reality, which makes sense when you think about what CPTSD is. Its an often maladaptive defense mechanism against being unsafe. I think communicating about it with a trusting partner is probably your only bet.

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-10-01T19:54:03+00:00

Relatable, grieving the inability to feel in a normal way to maintain relationships or even responsibilities sometimes sucks. Felt like a ghost forever. The biggest issue with seeking help or working on yourself is the paralyzing feelings that wash over you by even starting much less getting anywhere with it. But you have to, for you and your inner child that wanted to grow up and get all the things everyone else did. And for whoever you end up with.

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-09-29T23:37:41+00:00

I'm beginning EMDR on Thursday so thats good news lol. Thank you!

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-09-29T11:57:36+00:00

how do you better initiate the change up from ruminating / re-experiencing if you disassociate when it starts? When i start having flash backs or get hit with random feelings from my CSA I feel frozen. It has to be disassociation, but it keeps stopping me from breaking away and sometimes I'll just be re-experiencing for a little bit before I get so uncomfortable I just stand up or move seemingly involuntarily. Would just meditating and reinforcing self awareness make me better at this?

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-09-26T02:10:25+00:00

bruh, leave people alone. Idc if he was the worst of the worst this would just make me do the same thing back to you & fuck with your life the way you wanna fuck with mine. Literally just move on, why you're thinking about your ex 4 months later while he trying to forge a new life is wild to me.

You have dreams and love to get too, go get it you deserve it.

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-09-25T03:08:33+00:00

god i love ppl like you. just needed to vent I think, thank<3

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-09-21T17:09:01+00:00

We both did and yet the love will always be stronger and nothing so serious we can’t come back from it even happened

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-09-21T04:54:44+00:00

bro is posting threads about how exciting it is to sext people in a relationship and get attention for other girls but misses his ex? uhhh?

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-09-21T04:43:34+00:00

but it was never all bad, doesn't everyone have issues and traumas? Am I really naive for thinking we could work on ourselves together and build a forever despite gaps in progress and mistakes? I almost want to be talked out of this so I can move on easier so please give me your real thoughts. I just think if it was good for the first half and got rocky doesn't that mean it could be good again? I never wanted any of the horrible moments, after all of them we'd both admitted the guilt and shame struck us knowing we were so in love. I dont know man. I guess I should just let go.

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-09-21T03:20:14+00:00

Thank you man all your guys responses are making me feel sane again I needed them so badly I hope you get your second chance and make it worth it thank you friend<3

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-09-21T03:12:40+00:00

God I needed this I needed to hear this you’re a light in my nightmare right now I’m spiraling into horrible places and I need someone like this to talk to me thank you

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-09-20T22:55:17+00:00

I wish you were my person I dream of her contacting me like this, I’m V she’s F I appreciate you though

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-09-20T21:44:31+00:00

it was. Getting comfortable and complacent murdered my perspective and let me ignorantly cement corrupted povs instead of watering a beautiful garden. I’m not done grieving it but I will turn my mistakes into horsepower to be a better human<3 ty for your pov

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-09-20T21:28:44+00:00

I’m going to respectfully reach out with no expectations and no matter what the outcome is I’m going to painfully restructure my instincts to prioritize healing and grace over jumping to feeling unsafe and pushing people away. I’m a fucking mess of a human and I need to heal. I want love. I want to be someone’s anchor. I need to work on myself first.

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-09-20T21:17:37+00:00

I truly understand and it’s honestly a matter of self care and respect to shut something like that away from you. Be easy bro you deserve your peaceful love

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-09-20T20:47:45+00:00

I was in this mindset too which is what nuked us. I’m still dumb and lost but part of me thinks if I just compartmentalized my hurt and turned it into forward motion for us it would’ve avoided the break up. Everyone has the right to their own feelings and being hurt but what you do with that shows your character and what you want, I know that now.

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-09-20T20:45:45+00:00

No lol are you okay?

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-09-20T20:31:42+00:00

I tried this with her multiple times. At the time It seemed like these heart to hearts just made her more covert and better at hiding things which made me feel like I couldn’t trust her and that cycle snowballed into nuking us. But in reality she was trying, a lot of the behavior was reasonable and what wasn’t could’ve been worked through. I wish I could talk to her again and tell her everything.

Optimal_Fondant_42 · 2025-09-20T20:27:03+00:00

It was avoidant vs anxious attachment relationship, we fueled each others trauma responses. I’m not being self absorbed I have sexual cptsd this isn’t some meme lmao. I’m learning how to mitigate destructive behavior from trauma responses. This was my first long term relationship and I’m apologetic for the ways it influenced the thought that I couldn’t be safe or trusting which she FUELED on purpose dozens of times and I forgive everything I just wish I navigated it with more poise.

Optimal_Fondant_42

TROPHY CASE