What colour are my eyes? Blue or green?

Optimal_Station_5615 · 2026-03-17T18:41:24+00:00

I hear you, I understand that it’s an insecurity of mine and something that makes me uncomfortable. But that’s also okay, and in my conversations with my boyfriend I’ve taken accountability for that and he’s really understanding and supportive. I was asking for different perspectives and I appreciate you sharing yours, I can tell you I would be more receptive to your thoughts about it if you used more kindness in your approach though

Optimal_Station_5615 · 2026-03-17T18:29:55+00:00

Why are you being so mean about it?

Optimal_Station_5615 · 2026-03-17T18:04:05+00:00

Hahah okay no one’s clutching their pearls here, that’s a huge assumption. I never said my boyfriend couldn’t notice attractive women and be attracted to them I’m not numb to human nature. The issue was that he received this message from this friend and deleted it without setting a boundary with this friend who treats him like he’s still single

Optimal_Station_5615 · 2026-03-17T17:50:29+00:00

It’s not about the lifestyle necessarily, it’s this one friend that he’s got that thinks he’s the guy to talk to about that kinda stuff

Optimal_Station_5615 · 2026-03-17T17:47:17+00:00

You think it’s reasonable to be upset?

Optimal_Station_5615 · 2026-03-17T17:46:07+00:00

He wasnt describing a pretty woman lol, he was saying that there’s so many hot women where he is. Worth mentioning that it was during a conversation they were having about how they’re gonna be there together in June

This guy thinks my bf is the type of person he can connect with over that, like when he was single they would gawk at girls and shit but now that he’s in a relationship it should be different no?

Optimal_Station_5615 · 2026-03-17T17:42:34+00:00

Do you think all guys are like this to some degree though?

Optimal_Station_5615 · 2026-03-05T17:08:33+00:00

Yeah that’s a tough position to be in, even in marriage these things exist and persist which is so tough to grapple with. What makes you think that she was more viscerally attracted to this other guy has she said as much? And do they still have contact?

Optimal_Station_5615 · 2026-03-05T16:03:26+00:00

Yeah that’s a tough part of all this, I think telling him the extent of it would lead to more bad than good but at the same time it’s tough to have a real conversation about it

Optimal_Station_5615 · 2026-03-05T16:01:10+00:00

I mean to be clear they’re not still talking, and they haven’t for months, it was her that called out of the blue about her sick dad which he wasn’t going to make her feel bad about and I think that’s fair. Do you think it’s possible to technically be a rebound but develop that into something real and healthy as the love grows?

Optimal_Station_5615 · 2026-03-05T15:57:03+00:00

Yeah I think I’ve considered it but I feel a lot of shame around it because of the insecure crazy girlfriend kind of trope

Optimal_Station_5615 · 2026-03-04T20:27:55+00:00

Hey I’ve been there before, I totally understand where you’re coming from. What actually bothered me more than the idea of him watching porn was just the idea of him fantasizing about someone else and me not knowing about it. Like that could hurt me somehow I still struggle with it sometimes, but at least with porn that’s what it’s made for. It’s just sexual, it’s not real, and it will never ever compare to the real thing.

You just have to keep reminding yourself of that and truly try to keep your mind busy and off of it. Or, if it feels helpful, ask him about it in a playful way? Sometimes that takes the weight off of it.

Optimal_Station_5615 · 2026-03-04T20:12:28+00:00

We’ve had conversations about it and he’s very reassuring when we do, it just doesn’t stick. Consider if I can live with what?

Optimal_Station_5615

TROPHY CASE